voluntary child support - opinions on how much

[anonsinglemum]

Hi I'm a regular poster but don't want ex finding out about this. I've received a letter saying ex is prepared to pay me £xxx per month for my ds, he doesn't want to go through csa and this would only start now. But I know he has had a similar yearly income for the past 4 years and I have never had a penny. Should I demand a backpayment for the past 4 yrs?? (I will ignore the other yr that he had low income)
It is not the money that bothers me it is the fact that he has never paid and I feel he should.(I will be putting the money away for ds)
The other question is if he refused and I went to the csa would they backpay it or not?
TIA

[Amanda1]

Message withdrawn

[anonsinglemum]

Thanks for your reply.
The thing is we don't see each other or talk, everything goes through the solicitors as he doesn't know where I live anymore. I am going to go and talk to my solicitor but I was wanting other peoples opinions on this first.
It isn't like he would struggle to pay me the lump sum it is sat in his bank anyway.
Like I said the money would go away for ds and I've never had a single penny, even when we were together we never lived together so I have struggled to make ends meet for 5 yrs, working full-time and missing out on ds growing up. I just feel that if hes got the money sat there he should 'pay me back' iyswim.

[Amanda1]

Message withdrawn

[littlerach]

Hmmm, could take a long time with csa, they don't hve the best reputation for doing their jobs!
In theory, I thnk csa would do backpay if there has been no help at all from him. But if he has contributed in any way, they take this off. i know DH paid ex's mortgage, bills etc until csa sorted themselves out, and so this was deducted from the amount owing. But tatw as 6 yrs ago, may have changed.

[anonsinglemum]

Don't worry about not knowing the circumstances its my fault for not explaining, thanks for your reply. I suppose I just don't want to seem mean demanding he pays up but like you said my son should benefit from it and I'll make sure he does. Thanks again

[helsi]

TBH ifyou feel that you can accept the voluntary amount I would go for it as it could take ages to go through CSA, they may demand less and you may also never get to see any of it.

[AnonMNer]

My partner and I seperated before DS was born and got back together when he was 3 yeras old.

I filled the CSA forms out when DS was 4 weeks old and they took 12 months to process my claim. During this time I was on income support. They only backdated the claim by 4 weeks and they took the money and sent it to the benefits Dept. because I had been claiming anyway.

BTW I know my partner answered all letters and filled in forms promptly because I did them for him, as he's useless with paperwork (he asked me to do this). Unless the CSA have dramatically improved or your ex is likely to mess you about with payments I would make your own arrangements.

[Caligula]

It's outrageous that he hasn't paid for five years, but there's absolutely no point chasing it. The CSA won't backdate to that timescale, and the courts aren't interested.

Sorry.

[chipkid]

-what about discussing with your solicitor an application under the children act for a lump sum to cover past cost of care? There is a vehicle for this unless it has all changed whilat I have been on Matermity Leave.

Agree that there is no point in expecting the CSA to backdate. As far as I am aware they only backdate from the date of the application.

Situtaions like yours make me really angry. I hope you get some justice for your ds xx

[anonsinglemum]

Thanks for all your replies haven't managed to talk to solicitor yet, but I'm going to accept the money but ask about backpayments. If I don't try I won't get. Thanks again

[margyfargy]

I would advise sorting it out without resorting to the CSA - they have been 'dealing' with my claim for the last 7 years and I still haven't received a penny, or even a proper assessment.

[RainbowWalker]

Does the amount he is offering seem reasonable amoutn to you? Don't know how far down the road with solicitor you are, but surely he should declare his income/outgoings and so should you. It can then be properly established as to whether his contributions are considered reasonable. Are you getting a consent order drawn up? If so I'd recommend a clause saying that you want it paid monthly, to be index linked to the retail price index and reviewed annually and paid until ds is either 18 or finishes full time education.

How old is ds now?

[RainbowWalker]

I appreciate your thoughts on back payments - but realistically the future security of your son and his carer is more important!

[muma3]

i have (this year ) only just started to recieve money for my dd1 and she has just turned 8y and i havent had any back payment at all . it goes through csa as he is aggressive and has temper probs