Any Aussie mumsnetters who have returned to Oz after living in the UK?

[MrsMangle]

Are there any Aussie mumsnetters who have returned to Australia after an extended period living in the UK? I'd love to pick your brains over my situation and the dilemma I have over returning home.

Background - DH and I are both Aussies who have lived in the UK for 8 years. We came over as backpackers, loved the travel opportunities and lifestyle and decided to stay. We both had good jobs, we bought a house and I would describe our life as comfortable. We now have 2 DCs (DD 3 years & DS 4 months).

For the past couple of years (since having DD really) I have been pining to return to Sydney. For family reasons mostly, I miss everyone and want my kids to grow up around their extended family. And I do find life in London with two small kids a struggle, especially over winter.

DH is not so keen, he loves his job and is not family orientated like I am. Whenever I bring up the subject of going back he recites a long list of obstacles... we've got to sell the house, we need to save more money before we go, it will be difficult for him to get a comparable job....

He also thinks that I am romanticising the whole idea of living back in Sydney and that things won't necessarily be any easier than they are here with small children.

I guess I'm looking to hear from anyone who has returned to live in Australia and what your experience was. Did you find it hard to adjust to life back in Oz? Is there ever a "right time" to go back?

[esselle]

That would be me then...

I'm an Aussie, spent 10yrs in London, met Dh (Brit), got married, bought a house, had DD, sold house, moved to Melb 2007.

I always said to Dh that I didn't really want to raise my children in London especially once they reached school age. Luckily he agreed and had been to Aust a few times and wanted to move here.

London is a fabulous place to live when you are young and child free. But I found it quite expensive and restrictive once DD came along - public transport with a pram is crap!! Now I know that a lot of people will disagree with me on that but I didn't like it at all!

I also had the advantage of working as a nanny here and in London so knew that it was/is easier in Aust. I just find that everywhere seems more child friendly here. There seem to be loads of playgrounds and open spaces. Schools have huge playgrounds too.

We found selling our house to be very easy - it took 6 whole days and got full asking price BUT it was in Feb 2007. We didn't really save a lot of money before we left but luckily made a lot on our house sale and made sure all of our debts were paid off. He may have a point with the job but my Dh did a job which he HATED for 10 mo when we first arrived until he found his current job which he loves.

If you are moving back to Sydney and closer to family I reckon life will be easier as you will have a support network. I found in London having no family around was bloody tricky sometimes. No babysitters nearby sucked! Still hasn't improved as my family are all 6hrs away on Sth Aust but when they come over I take whatever I can get!!

I will admit that it did take a long time to feel settled here as I spent most of my adult years in London I felt in a bit of a limbo - not English and not really Aussie. I'd say that it took close to 2 yrs to really feel like I was home. In that time I have had DS and we have almost finished building our house. We have put down roots!

There are loads of things I really miss about the UK like the supermarkets and shopping!! But the benefits of being here outweigh that. Plus I don't see my inlaws very often !!!!!!

As far as when the right time is, I really don't know. Once your Dh agrees with you would be up there, it is a big decision and you both need to want to do it. Money is pretty important too. It costs a friggin' fortune to set up again! We sold our house fully furnished and only shipped the bare minimum so had to buy everything! It is fun but expensive!!!

Ultimately I have never for one second regretted moving back. I know my family have a better life here! Let me know if you have any more questions I am happy to help if I can.

[MrsMangle]

Thanks for the reply Esselle, thought my post was going to go unanswered there

I think my biggest problem is my tendancy to sit on the fence when it comes to making a decision. I never really "decided" to make London my home, it just happened that way in the life of a young, carefree backpacker. But the decision to move back is a life changing one and seems so important when serious things like jobs, money and children are involved.

I probably need to trust my gut instinct more, I have this longing to return for a reason.

Good timing on selling your house The decision on when to go is partly out of my hands anyway as we cannot afford to lose money on our place.

[nhamilton]

I can sooo relate to your situation. DH and I have been living in London for 12 years and just taken the plunge to decide to move back to Australia (flights booked yesterday so reality is crashing in).

At first I was very reluctant about the move and kept finding all kinds of excuses: Australia's so far from anywhere, I wanted to have a reasonable time work experience on my CV after going back to work following baby no. 2, well paid jobs in London etc.

But we've found it a real struggle to have both of us back at work, 2 little ones in daycare and the constant juggling. Although we're going to be moving back to Canberra (eek) where neither of us have family, they'll be a few hours drive away and there is something to be said for letting your children get to know and enjoy their grandparents while they can. My husband has lured me with the promise of a better lifestyle (house, garden etc.) for the family - something that would be difficult to afford in London short of moving to the suburbs, in which case we'd see even less of the kids.

We did a trip out there in January and were pleasantly surprised that there was still lots to do (e.g. only took 10mins to drive into town to attend a concert and found out that many big acts/comedians do make it Canberra - just requires a little more planning to book in advance).
I know that it's not going to be easy but at the end of the day, we're at the stage where we want the "forever" house for our family and good schools. Realistically many of the things we enjoyed about living in London in our early years here (travel, shows, eating out) have fallen by the wayside since we had children so I don't think we'll miss it that much.

Good luck - it's a difficult decision but if you're really unsure, rather than selling up in the UK could you agree to a year or 2 "trial run"?

[ninedragons]

me - I went to university in the UK and stayed on afterwards. Moved to HK and then to Shanghai, but pretty much the day I gave birth was the day the homing beacon in my head activated.

House prices in Sydney have been a fairly nasty surprise. It's also a lot bigger and more crowded than it was when I left - I can remember when I was at school and the wind would whistle down a deserted Castlereagh St. Now it looks a lot more like Oxford St in London.

But I'm very pleased we finally came home, if only for family reasons. My parents won't be convinced that DD didn't hang the moon.

Downside is that 90% of my friends live in the UK or Hong Kong, but luckily I still have a few here from the olden days.

[Shells]

I was in UK (London) for 18 years and came back to NZ 3 years ago with English DP and 2 children.

Its been very hard as (like Esselle said) I really felt (and still feel) more English and therefore like a foreigner. Had lost touch with old friends and new friends were quite hard to find. But I've ended up hanging out with other blow-ins really.

I'm not a big fan of the term'lifestyle' in the antipodean sense. I hate that its short-hand big house/garden/bbq - I think thats more 'standard of living'. I quite liked the 'lifestyle' in London - and that was tiny house/no garden/no bbq!

However, I do appreciate my children being nearer their grandparents, the schools are better (at primary level), life is somehow more innocent for them and freer.

Whatever you do you will be making compromises - you just need to decide what is worth making a compromise on and what isn't.

[MrsMangle]

Thanks for sharing your experiences everyone, guess I am just a sticky beak and want to know how other people got on!

nhamilton - good luck with your move back. Everything you posted makes sense to me, in 6 months time I am due to return to work after maternity leave for number 2 and I am already wondering how I am going to juggle daycare/work. DH works really long hours and just isn't around much during the week.

ninedragons - I know what you mean about Sydney house prices - eeks! I regularly look at domain.com.au to see what prices are like and they seem to go up every time I look.

Shells - good point about needing to compromise. That's the angle I try with DH, rather than nagging to go back! Realistically it probably means another 18 months in London to get things organised. Interesting point about friendships, I have found in London since having kids a number of friendships from my single days have fallen by the wayside. And we don't know that many people over here (on more than a superficial level anyway) who have children.