How do I tell my parents we're moving to Oz??

[kateandfelicity]

Hi all.

I am really worried about this, my ex=partner is Australian, we have dd who is 20 months old.

I used to live in Australia and have always wanted to live there.

We want to move back to Sydney in January next year... thing is my parents will be devastated, dd is their first grandchild and they love her more than anything.

The plan is to resign from my job and then spend 2 months at their house with dd, so they can spend lots of time with her before we go, including christmas and new year.

I know they will accuse me of being selfish and ungrateful for moving, but i think dd will have a better quality of life in sydney than in central london....

what do you all think?

also, how should i approach it with them, and when should i tell them?



Please help, any advice really appreciated

[hana]

think you just have to tell them....dopn't let it fester in your head...
focus on the positives to them (write them down for yourself so you have a good list!)

do you have any friends or family there?
it's a big move, but you need to be honest with your parents now i think

[sandcastles]

I am sorry you feel so bad about such a potentially great oppurtunity.

I actually rang my dad & asked him should I go? He said yes! So it was fairly easy for me. We got here in June.

I would tell them as soon as you can, give them time to get used to it. You may find they accept it readily. If they don't then, well that is up to them. But you have to do what you feel is right for your family. Don't let them guilt you with the only grandchild thing. You really will have this oppurtunity only once in your life, take it, if it's what you want!

Good Luck.

[sibble]

I so feel for you. I took my parents only grandchild at the time away to NZ. They too were and still are devastated 4 years later but you have to do what you think is right for you and your dd.

There will never be a good time to tell them. I took the chickens way out and left it right til the last minute. Til DH had a job, we were about to put the house on the market and had a date to leave. In hindsight (what a wonderful thing) I would have told them sooner. Then had the double guilt thing - not only taking DS from them but also keeping it a secret!! That wasn't my intention I was trying to prolong the trauma but they didn't see it like that.

Do what's right for you and good luck.

[eidsvold]

i took my il's only granchild to Aus ( along with their son) and they were fab about it - whilst his mum especially admitted she would miss dd1 and was very sad she knew it was the best for us and has always just wished us well. Fastforward 2 1/2 years and we now have dd2 and another babe due in mar - sad mil has not seen dd2 and may not see the new babe until we venture back.

But surprisingly when we told them my fabulous mil said she always felt we would move to Australia ( I am an aussie, dh is english) and so it wasn't that big a surprise when we told them.

I think tell them as soon as you can - we did that - as soon as we started the visa process we told the il's so they had plenty of time to prepare themselves. We just told them that is what we had decided and we felt it was best for us as a family. We hoped we had their blessing and know that we would miss each other terribly - it was best especially for dd1.

[MrsJohnCusack]

we took ILs only grandchild (and in fact only child) to NZ last September plus new baby due next month.
They weren't happy (still aren't) but totally accept that it's the best thing for all of us. If going to Australia is the best thing for your family, that's what you need to do. Presumably your parents can come and visit too (MIL here is refusing to come at the moment).
Totally agree on Skype/webcam.
I think it's best to tell them sooner rather than later and then deal with any accusations of selfishness now so that hopefully the months just before you go is used to really enjoy their time with you and DD rather than to hash out any arguments. Telling them now gives you a year to deal with it. How to tell them - well only you know your parents but honesty is generally the best policy. They are bound to be upset but hopefully they will realise you're not doing it to spite them! And accusations of selfishness & ungratefullness - I'm sure the ILs think that of me, but we couldn't stay in the UK just to please them. Just as you can't not do it just to fit in with your parents - really it would be quite selfish of them to stop you wouldn't it!
And have some answers ready to the inevitable questions before you tell them - e.g. what you're going to do for work, why it will be better for DD, how you're going to keep in touch, why you've decided to do it etc. It's a lot easier to 'justify' yourself to others if you already have your reasons sorted out properly to yourself.

Good luck!

[MrsJohnCusack]

please excuse grammatical errors in my post...

[nearlyfourbob]

My brother announced he was moving back to their town the same week I announced I was moving to the other side of the world. This worked well - any siblings you could liase with?

[vizbizz]

just tell them. My dad keeps telling me NZ is going to sink, so I should move back to Oz....get the feeling he isn't happy about it? It isn't easy to tell them, but you'll have to say something eventually and it's less hurtful to let them know sooner rather than later.