Have you ever refused visitors ?

(83 Posts)
Mosman Sun 13-Jan-13 03:24:34

DH's bloody mother again !
Was meant to stay 20 weeks to help us settle in and help keep our child care costs down whilst we bought furniture shipped stuff across etc. After 10 weeks she'd had enough of the heat, arguing with the children and with a weeks notice to find alternative childcare buggered off home.
So now her rose tinted spec's are on and she wants to come back over for four weeks in the winter to avoid the heat but seems to have forgotten that we still don't live in a 5 bedroomed detached with a separate granny suite for her. Her pension still won't buy her very much food and there isn't a marks and spencers.
I'm not putting this in AIBU becauise I appreciate her only son is living on the other side of the world but I will dread this for months in the lead up and I don't want her here unless she books into some sort of hotel.
Has anybody said no and did it end badly ?

charlottehere Sun 13-Jan-13 09:54:39

Wow op that sounds hard re food. sad

Well you said she's OK buying her own food that is suitable for her food allergies ?
So, maybe that's not such a problem ?

What do you think about a shorter stay - even a week or long weekend could work as it will be on the way back from her NZ trip ?

WinkyWinkola Sun 13-Jan-13 10:15:04

Hold on. You can't afford an evening meal? Holy cow. sadsadsad

You cannot afford visitors right now. You have too much on.

Tell her maybe next year.

Salbertina Sun 13-Jan-13 10:20:50

Agree sounds too tough for you sad

Mosman Sun 13-Jan-13 10:46:05

It's cash flow at the moment, there's a lot coming in but there's a lot going out so it is tough, I don't mean to sound like we need food parcels we don't but equally another adult mouth to feed is absolutely out of the question.

MaMattoo Sun 13-Jan-13 10:53:14

With in laws as with other relatives, it's quite simple - you don't want them, say no. Stick to the no, don't give justifications for it.
But don't expect to be the flavour of the month for a long time. Expect them to dislike you. You can't win in both places.

My mil landed up a few weeks after my csec. She made a tough time and life harder as I did not know her (and FIL) they stayed for 3 months and it is very little tiny reason (on a long list of reasons) why I don't want another child. I had no privacy, no time alone or with the husband.

Say no, your house, your rules. But don't expect understanding of your reasons for saying no in return.

tryingtoleave Sun 13-Jan-13 11:10:07

Hang on, as I said before, op has stated on more than one other thread that she spends $500 -$750 a week on groceries. Most other Australian posters say they are spending $200-$250 a week on food. It is nonsense that she can't afford to feed another mouth if she is really spending that kind of money on food.

Op didn't want to give her mil a proper bed last time she visited - wanted her to sleep on blow up matress in a shared room- and stated that she was keen to make mil's stay so unpleasant she would never come again.

I read all op's posts like this shock

trixymalixy Sun 13-Jan-13 11:17:03

tryingtoleave I remember the OPs other threads too.

I was similarly shock.

WinkyWinkola Sun 13-Jan-13 11:21:54

Well, it's bitten her on the bum then, hasn't it because mil is mad keen to come again! grin

tryingtoleave Sun 13-Jan-13 11:22:10

I feel bad bringing up old posts, but I think that there are some posters who might be getting some kind of unhealthy affirmation from posting bits of nonsense or incomplete/skewed accounts of events on mn.

Mosman Sun 13-Jan-13 11:23:38

She didn't sleep on a blow up bed as it happens - we did - one like this
www.overstock.com/Home-Garden/Aerobed-Raised-Double-High-Queen-size-Air-Bed/7029869/product.html?cid=207675 Wouldn't have hurt her to sleep on it but as it happened she did not.
And yes we do spend a fortune on food, maybe others do things differently but we work full time and have four kids which no other posters seem to have, so we get through a lot of cereal, a lot of milk, and that's aside of three meals a day for the children.

tryingtoleave Sun 13-Jan-13 11:23:56

Yup, winky, she should never have let mil have a bed. It just encourages pil to raise them off the ground.

Mosman Sun 13-Jan-13 11:25:18

She's not mad keen to come, she wants to visit NZ and then tag us on the end that's hardly desperate to see us it ? Anyway it's not fucking happening whilst I have a pulse.

trixymalixy Sun 13-Jan-13 11:28:12

hmm lovely

WinkyWinkola Sun 13-Jan-13 11:31:19

Look, if you hate her so much - you clearly do because if it's not happening whilst you have a pulse - then fine, don't have her to stay. Simple.

What was your question again?

Although it's a bit of a shame your dcs will never know her.

tryingtoleave Sun 13-Jan-13 11:36:29

At least she is not so helpless as you suggested in your first thread when you were demanding she come with you to Australia, because otherwise she would moulder alone and isolated in her home. Getting herself on a trip to NZ sounds quite energetic and able.

Mosman Sun 13-Jan-13 11:43:49

They do know her hmm
And if everyone is so keen on dragging old posts up it wouldn't take long to discover why I hate her. DH doesn't, he's a forgiving soul or an idiot depending on how you look at it.

Mosman Sun 13-Jan-13 11:45:45

Yes it would appear she's happy enough mouldering away, good for her, lets keep it that way grin

WinkyWinkola Sun 13-Jan-13 11:51:37

They do know her, yes, but if she isn't allowed to visit whilst you still have a pulse, then they won't know her for long will they? I mean, as they grow up?

I'm not sure why you posted actually. You're not having her to stay regardless of what anyone says.

Were you looking for someone to say, "It's fine, you don't have to have her to stay?"

Well, here you are. It's fine. You don't have to have her to stay. That will bite you on the bum too though. One day.

Meanwhile, you spend over $200 a week on food and you don't have an evening meal yourself? You can eke out a baked potato on that money.

Gah, I'm a sucker.

Mosman Sun 13-Jan-13 11:56:16

Is a baked potato a meal ? More of a lunch or a snack I'd say. Anyway. Unless you live in Perth and have any idea of what $500 buys you do not try and imply I'm doing something wrong my dear.

WinkyWinkola Sun 13-Jan-13 11:59:47

Well it's certainly better than the "nothing" you said you and dh were having in the evenings, my dear. hmm

trixymalixy Sun 13-Jan-13 12:14:22

First you hated her because she wasn't keen on emigrating with you as she would lose some of her pension, you said she wouldn't need any money as you would pay for everything and what a selfish cow she was for not wanting to be with her family. Then you hated her because she had decided to come and seemed to think she wouldn't have to pay for anything, except you had earmarked her pension to make ends meet, expected her to sleep on a blow up mattress and be free childcare and she was a selfish cow for not being happy about any of the arrangements.

I can see why you hate her, she never does anything right does she? hmm.

Now she has the audacity to want to visit her family!!!

Mosman Sun 13-Jan-13 12:19:30

You're right. I just hate her.

Mosman Sun 13-Jan-13 12:20:37

I'd ear marked her pension for her to cover her costs ie food, just to be clear and factual not that usually gets in the way.

tryingtoleave Sun 13-Jan-13 12:23:53

$500 is a lot of money. It is at least double what other families spend.

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