last stage of copd please help advice, anything

[cornishjam]

my mum is in hospital- she has been in and out so much- and is now on pallatitive care in hospital. they wanted her to go home and have nurses in but she is alone -my dad is dead- and she is too ill. She is in the last stage of copd - does this mean she is going to die soon, no one will tell me straight , i am hoping she will get better and go home, how long has she got?

[mousymouse]

poor you and your poor mum.
is there a hospice you could give a call? maybe the nurses in hospital can help you out with that.

[LilRedWG]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I know how frustrating it is to get know answers from the hospital when a parent is ill. Request a sit down with one of the doctors - I found registrars less up themselves and more willing to talk that the consultant (but am aware that was probably just his personality). If you can't pin them down to a time then just grab one of them when they are on their rounds and ask for a prognosis.

We found that being calm and stating what we believed to be true was the best way to get an honest response.

Good luck and take care. x

[cornishjam]

thanks- i forgot to add i live abroad and have no close family, and i don't know if i can travel with the babies and i'm sure they won't let them in the ward. its so awful

[LilRedWG]

The British Lung Foundation have a helpline which is open daily - they may be able to assist you with the relevant questions to ask. Here.

[LilRedWG]

So sorry that you are stuck abroad. Do you or your Mum have a trusted friend who could act as go-between with the hospital, or your mum's solicitor perhaps. You are in a horrible position and deserve answers.

[Canella]

So sorry about your mum. I worked most of the last 15 years with people with COPD - think the reason they are not giving you a straight answer is because there isnt one. If she is deemed to be palliative then she'll be under the care of the palliative care team- I would strongly suggest you try to speak to one of them or the consultant - if you phone his/her secretary then they can normally organise a time for you to phone their office.
Its a really complicated illness with really variable progression - and so difficult for you to get a clear picture of how she is in herself when your so far away.

Hope you get to speak to the consultant or someone with more information.

[cornishjam]

thanks again , Canella I have spoken to her doctor who said that they hoped to send her home monday, although she cannot walk right now. she is on oxygen all the time and needs a nurse all the time. She also has a chest infection. lilredwg I am going to call the lung foundation as soon as i can today. I am making arrangements to fly back but my dh will have to look after the babies and he must get the ok there is no one close there and my family do not speak to each other for good reason, so its all going to be very dificult in lots of ways.

[cornishjam]

i don't know whether to fly and see her or not, she has been ill on and off for so long and i am scared to leave the kids i never have before. the docs said they are taking each day as it comes. has anyone been here before, canella, any advice? thanks

[LilRedWG]

If you need to see your Mum and can afford to, then do it. The children will be fine for a few days. Take care.

[Canella]

Not sure what to advise you about travelling. Her being on oxygen all the time is a sign that her COPD is severe and she'll need a nurse with her if she's struggling to care for herself. When you said she cant walk, can she get to and from the toilet or is she needing assistance to walk a few metres? Would be shocked if they were sending her home if she couldnt walk at all and there was no-on at home with her.
Have you spoken to her? Can she chat to you? What does she think about you travelling over.
Sorry I dont have any answers but its difficult without seeing her and knowing all her history. And it really is an unkown quantity as to how long she'll live especially if they're treating her for her chest infection.

[cornishjam]

canella, it seems that she has convinced herself she is going home but she cannot get out of bed and walk to the end of it she is so breathless. the care team came and could not assess her at all she is so poorly. i spoke to her briefly yesterday and she got off the phone, she cannot talk she is so breathless.we spoke only once sentance then blurted ring me later. she says i shouldn't bother to come as its so far and and what about the kids . if i go she won't be able to sit and chat and she is the sort of person who doesn;t want people around when she is ill so it will be very harrowing. i drad leaving my kids and doing long haul flights alone i have never left them and am terrified of flying at the best of times.