family too involved feeling lost!

[Lucie84]

I'm new to this, bear with me.
Me an my wife have a son (4) almost 5!
We had a known donor who was a family friend he wanted no involvement with the child other than a family friend, which has worked to a T were still friends an he feels no maternal connection with our son! We were ready to start trying for a second child using the same donor when all hell broke lose!
We're very open my family all knew about the arrangement and fully supported me I've had a few chats with various members an nobody ever said anything to make me believe I otherwise!
Then all behind my back my brother felt compelled to go to the donor who is well known in the family an say this "it don't sit right with me my mate an sister having kids while not in a relationship" "it don't want it happening again" when I questioned him after the donor said he couldn't donate again for personal reasons, which we respected sadly! He said 99% of the population think it's wrong... then he added he googled it an spoke to a gay man who all agreed it was wrong an should never have happened!
I turn to my sister for advice and I guess I was expecting a little support from her, she said you should adopt if you want more children or foster, your just getting your life back on track why chuck it all away just be happy with what you have now!
My Mum said in front of my wife and our son! No offence but you (me) and the donor were the only ones who had a choice to start a family nobody else had an decision in the matter... They refer to the donor as our son's Dad an the donor has expressed to us that its fustrating for him as he is not his dad but his donor!
I'm confused and lost I feel like our son is a bad apple in their family my brother an sister have 5 an 4 kids each we have 1 all we wanted was for our son not to be an only child he's desperate for a sibling! Why are my family doing this? Am I wrong for feeling like I've been stabbed in the back? I don't know what to do what's best for our son, I'm not sleeping properly I'm emotional! An can't stop thinking what the heck has it got to do with any of you?!?! Grrrr

[FishWithABicycle]

You are right, it's none of your wider family's business. Their opinions should not have any bearing whatsoever on whether you conceive a second child. As for asserting that "it's not right" they are exhibiting unacceptable homophobia. You don't have to take this, but you aren't responsible for re-educating your whole family. Just withdraw from them and get on with your life.

It sounds like keeping the donor in the picture has backfired somewhat. It's a shame but you couldn't have predicted it.

Could you go with a clinic second time around so that you don't have to negotiate these pitfalls?

[claraschu]

Your family are behaving outrageously. How horrible.

How can your brother say you are not in a relationship? (Not that that is any of his business.)

[Forendata]

I think the brother means not in a relationship with the donor. As in having a child 'with' someone she's not in a relationship with.

[Greymalkin]

I really feel for you OP, your family sound very ignorant, rude and completely lacking in empathy towards non traditional family set ups.

It sounds as though you feel quite stabbed in the back as well, your family members have had the opportunity to talk to you themselves but instead do it behind your back. I would be so so angry (and quite disgusted) if my brother tried to meddle in my sex life and the creation of my child!!!

It really is none of their business. And btw, you sound like a lovely mum :)

[Lucie84]

My wife an I have been together for 10 years this year, married for 5! But as soon as we walk into a room where the family are gathered the atmosphere always feel like it gets a little tighter to breath! I think they leave us with no choice but to walk away it's sad an I didn't want it to come to this as our son a really good relationships with his cousins an my mum!