Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Being vegetarian and court

(93 Posts)
JMKid Tue 30-Aug-16 20:29:50

I raise my LO as a veggie. My ex strongly hates this as he is big meat eater. He is complaining about it and hates having to follow the diet. My LO has a very balanced and varied diet aside from no meat or fish, always a healthy wide, very active and not hindered in any way. He is going to raise this issue at our next court hearing. Can they insist I start giving LO meat or insist the ex gives him meat? I appreciate as he gets older he can choose but surely I can decide? Things are very very fraught between us and know this is about control as is everything else he does.

T0ddlerSlave Tue 30-Aug-16 20:37:06

I don't know, but presume he can parent in his chosen manner when he has your LO and you do the some in your time. It's not child abuse to eat meat so can't see them stopping him, but equally can't force you to prepare meat.

GeneralBobbit Tue 30-Aug-16 20:41:51

You can both give him what you want as long as it's not harmful

Neither of you gets to decide how the other parent feeds him obviously

Petal40 Tue 30-Aug-16 20:42:23

How old is yr child

Petal40 Tue 30-Aug-16 20:46:27

My 6 yr old is able to say clearly he is vegan and will refuse to eat anything not...he's still a fussy toad with food so people do tend to stick to what they know he will eat.he is well aware he dosnt eat animal flesh and has been ,his choice ,aware of it since he was about 4.. So the older yr child gets and the more you explain about being vegi,the more yr child will state what he will and won't eat

Petal40 Tue 30-Aug-16 20:49:40

I'd be stressed in yr shoes ,so I would be getting a diary and writing down everything my child ate every day.and a writing next to the meals what what was in it ie ...protein, fibre,calcium.b12 ect ect

MrsHulk Tue 30-Aug-16 20:55:37

It's extremely unlikely they would compel you to feed your child meat: vegetarianism is accepted as a healthy lifestyle for children so long as you're sensible/cautious about making sure they get enough b vitamins etc. You would only need to worry about being compelled to give him meat if the Gp or a nutritionist has said that you're not giving him an acceptable vegetarian diet.

However it's equally extremely unlikely that the court would compel your ex to feed his child a vegetarian diet if he does not want to. Ultimately he can choose his child's diet, while caring for his child, just like you can.

JMKid Tue 30-Aug-16 20:59:23

LO has just turned two. There was no contact for nearly a year through his choose so I have made all the decisions, etc and feel that whilst he may not agree he should at least continue to follow the decisions I have made.

JMKid Tue 30-Aug-16 20:59:55

Thanks Petal, a good idea.

fastdaytears Tue 30-Aug-16 21:04:16

So are you saying that your DS's dad should feed him a vegetarian diet when he has him there, or are you worried that you might have to feed DS meat?

I can't see any way around the former but I can't see any justification for the latter.

microscope Tue 30-Aug-16 21:06:14

You feed him veggie, your ex feeds him what he wants - when the child is old enough he makes up his/her own mind. don't expect the court to impose a veggie diet on your ex.

Sprink Tue 30-Aug-16 21:08:40

and know this is about control...

Yes. From both sides.

PurpleDaisies Tue 30-Aug-16 21:11:31

LO has just turned two. There was no contact for nearly a year through his choose so I have made all the decisions, etc and feel that whilst he may not agree he should at least continue to follow the decisions I have made.

He sounds like an arse. However, feeding your son meat isn't going to harm him. I doubt a court would force you to feed your son meat, bug is be amazed if it stopped your ex from giving it to him.

JMKid Tue 30-Aug-16 21:25:15

Sprink - not about control but about ensuring LO has consistency when in both our care. And until you know the full details please only provide constructive feedback. I was asking for opinions on what might happen nothing else.

PurpleDaisies Tue 30-Aug-16 21:27:35

not about control but about ensuring LO has consistency when in both our care

It doesn't matter if he's given the same food or not as long as he's properly fed. That's the consistency that will be considered important.

Gmbk Tue 30-Aug-16 21:31:20

Of course they won't let you stipulate no meat when he isn't in your care! Can you imagine the shit people would ask for.

You are trying to control your exh by enforcing this.

fastdaytears Tue 30-Aug-16 21:38:12

please only provide constructive feedback

Have you been on MN long? You don't get to decide how people respond to you. Plus, Spink makes a good point.

MyWineTime Tue 30-Aug-16 22:10:21

You will be allowed to continue not feeding your DD meat.
Her dad will be allowed to feed her meat.
Consistency doesn't extend to dictating to your ex what he's allowed to feed his child.

WannaBe Tue 30-Aug-16 22:15:00

Whether your ex feeds him meat is none of your business. You have a vegetarian lifestyle, he does not. Therefore what he feeds his child when he is in his care is his business and nobody else's. Just as what you feed him while in your care is your business and nobody else's.

Natsku Tue 30-Aug-16 22:22:52

You can't force your ex to feed your child a vegetarian diet when he is caring for them, and no court is going to force that unless there are medical dietary reasons. But also you won't be forced to feed your child meat (again, unless there are medical dietary reasons)

Petal40 Tue 30-Aug-16 22:31:13

Actually these are all good points and this issue is important,or rather it would be to me if I was in the op s shoes.....like religion ,say if one parent was atheist and the other catholic,could the atheist say no going to church when not on my watch...I sort of had something similar ,ish ,with In laws who decided that they would feed my kids meat when they had them to stay..luckily I stopped them from having the kids till they accepted no meat.....I know it's different with an xh thou,likely to do anything to wind the xw up

WannaBe Tue 30-Aug-16 22:34:48

No. Neither parent could dictate religion (or lack thereof) to the other.

The key here is that they are equal parents (the lack of previous contact notwithstanding) and as such the way they parent is up to the individual, as long as there is no abuse or harm to the child involved.

JacquettaWoodville Tue 30-Aug-16 22:36:34

Op

If you didn't like chicken, say, and never ate it, your ex could feed your DC chicken. Consistency isn't an argument you can win with here.

Petal40 Tue 30-Aug-16 22:47:12

Wannabe,does this not leave wide open the possibility of confusion for the child...would the court not get involved in a religion issue

MrsHulk Wed 31-Aug-16 05:42:52

You have absolutely no chance of persuading a court to compel your ex to stick to a vegetarian diet.

Honestly, trying to persuade a court to make such an order will make you look unreasonable and controlling. You'll lose credibility for any other points you want.

It would be totally reasonable to say that as your son has had a vegetarian diet so far, your ex should be careful about introducing meat gradually (too much meat too quickly might be difficult for your son to digest as he's not used to it), but that's the most you can hope for.

This isn't about "respecting your decisions". It's about you learning to respect that your ex is also a parent, and will make his own decisions about his son while looking after him.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now