I have my old solicitor but she's not back till 6th September. However, I would rather not have to go back to court as it will take months and months, another CAFCASS report will be ordered and we will have to go to see her again. It doesn't matter because now she doesn't want to live with me so her wishes will be taken into consideration and this is good enough reason for the judge not to bother about him breeching the order.
To be honest, she took the only option that she could, she knew that her dad would create havoc if she decided to live here and visit him whereas somehow she thinks that I'm softer and won't create havoc.
I know that I'm being selfish in my attitude and probably looking at it all wrong, I totally understand why she's done this however she hasn't considered the effect or devastating upset she has caused me, my son has seen it this week, how much she's upset me. He says he wouldn't do that, he knows that if he decided to live with him his dad would be angry but if he decided to live with him then I would be heartbroken, as I am now with my daughter gone. I guess I liked the routine of week on week off, I had got used to it and planned accordingly and now all of a sudden we have to change again. I also don't like that her father will have more control over her, he will restrict her in ways that I would never, laying the law down whereas I parent differently, I'm not a dictator/controller like he is, I have bought her more clothes etc, he's always buying bare minimum and not even enough clothes for her for 1 week, she had to take clothes from herre for her holiday! she knows that he's like this and yet still she goes to him, I just don't understand it.
I guess this had to happen sooner rather than later though, she's never really been happy with moving back and forth, she hates thursday evening/Friday's being wrenched from each home. I just hate that it's me that she won't be living with, I already feel estranged from her and it will only get worse, my children should be with me, that's the kind of mother that I am, they are my life but it seems that I've cocked that up if she doesn't want to live with me. Also am I just supposed to wait around to see when she can fit me in? I don't think that that is how it's supposed to work, like I'm nothing, I'm not putting up with that and to be honest she needs to see that angle. If we change the arrangements then she needs to stick to them, otherwise I will have no choice but to go back to court and get it fixed, possibly with a police notice attached to the order so that her father has to comply because at the moment, the police can do nothing, I know because I've asked them. Besides, she's immovable, she's very stubborn but I don't think stubborn enough to tell her dad what she's going to do whether he likes it or not! I can only hope that he messes up and blames her for everything again and she wants to come home where she is accepted. Yes that's another thing she felt, that he didn't accept her the way she is, her teacher said she was a waste of space and when she told her dad, he agreed with her teacher!! what child would gravitate to such a nasty man! my son thinks he's an arse and hates him, he used to want to live with him but over the last 5-6 months has changed his mind and hates him.
Sorry I must stop ranting my messages are too long but I don't know who else to turn to, we've all been through so much since me and my ex split in June 2014 that I really thought things had settled down. I want to take my daughter to the doctors but if she lives with him permanently then I will have no say in this and won't be able to get her to take anything the doctor suggest unless her dad takes her also which he's done before with my son, we both took my son to the doctors on separate occassions because he won't believe me whatever I say, the whole situation is hopeless and I think that's why she's gone there, she thinks I will make it easier on her and just let her go. I guess I have to let her go now in the hope that she returns, hopefully believing that she did the wrong thing going in the first place. It's strange just me and my son, I have to adapt, he doesn't want to hear about his sister, he doesn't like her for doing this, I have to make sure that I organise things for him and friends and my friends to do together to mix things up, maybe she will be jealous who knows.
I may also have mentioned that I've enrolled to take a law degree before this all happened and so some weekends I will be studying which will seriously effect the time that I have with my daughter on the weekend. When I'm back at work this will be the only long amount of time that I have and so I won't be able to be with her all day each day every weekend. Whereas if she was living with me it wouldn't make so much of a difference. She also says she won't live here, it could take 3 months (depending on the chain) to move, does she think that not living with me for that amount of time will be ok? if she does then I've seriously been a bad mother and may as well sever the tie now? she doesn't need me obviously, if she thinks of a mother as 'visiting' then I'm not her mother, I'm a friend! I better go to bed before horrid thoughts come into my head, we live on a main road, I guess if I was stronger I would have walked into the road and let fate take its course, I've thought about it over the last few days.
sorry for long message.