im so confused

[concernedparent2016]

ok so i want to try and narrow this down so not to bore you all with the irrelevant details

i got a phone call today from social services advising that my sons father has attempted to commit suicide twice this information came in from someone who is concerned with the safety of my child we currently have a court order in place which states he is to stay with his father every fortnight however social services have advised me that i would be justified in breaching this order for the safety of my son until he proves he is fit to look after him

previously (march 16) we had gone to court over him trying to steal my son the result ended with a court order in my favour which means he now spends less time with his dad (from every weekend to fortnightly)

i dont want to sit here and slag the man off but unfortunately he has not proven to be such a great role model there has been constant violence (verbal/physical) from him to me as far as i am aware nothing has been towards my son.

im now stuck in a catch 22 position i really do not want to stop my son from seeing his father but i don't know what else to do.

i just need to add that my son has been having odd behaviour everytime he comes home from his dads i do not know what goes on in that house but even his teachers have said it is affecting him please help

[FinnMcCool]

I don't want to read and run, but maybe this topic isn't the best place to get some informed answers. I've reported to get MNHQ to move it for you.

[concernedparent2016]

thank you i dont quite understand how to use this lol but much appreciated

[PresidentOliviaMumsnet]

We're going to move this to legal matters for you
Kindest wishes to you

[concernedparent2016]

It's just cost me 3,000 in order to go through court and I don't have the money to go through it all again he will be 5 in July

[MrsBertBibby]

Have Social Services put their views in writing? They can be astonishingly reluctant to commit themselves, I've seen so many clients caught between a sceptical judge and an irate contact parent whilst SS's concerns seem to melt away.

That said, if SS's concerns are genuine, you have to do something, and that means Court. You don't have to have a lawyer.

[concernedparent2016]

No they haven't I had the phone call yesterday I'm just confused I don't want to make the situation worse I don't know if it's genuine or if he did it for attention he has be known to manipulate on a regular basis

[MrsBertBibby]

Do you have any actual knowledge of these attempts? Do you know who reported them? Do you believe the reports?

Unless you know a lot more than what you describe SS as saying, I would be asking for a lot more support from them before taking it back to court, they need to put their money where their mouth is.

[MrsBertBibby]

Oh, and it isn't up to them to say you're "justified in breaching an order", that's a decision for a judge.

Can you at least fund a meeting with your solicitor who knows the ins and outs of the previous proceedings? Preferably after you have got something IN WRITING off SS. Even if just the print of the computer log of your call with them.

[DollyBarton]

I'd try to get something in writing from SS and would breech the contact order. I feel strongly that fathers have s right to access but a suicidal man, with nothing to lose and quite possibly anger around the contact situation is not in my mind a safe person to be in charge of a child, even their own child. I know you say money is an issue but if at all possible I'd be back preparing for court in case that's where it ends up. Are you anyway able to discuss this with DS's father? Tell him what you've been told and find out what support he's getting or what you can do to help?

[concernedparent2016]

I've tried to discuss with his parents I've had it confirmed he did indeed end up in hospital via an overdose he has issues going on inside his family among other things he will not speak to me because he still hates me for leaving him I under no circumstances want to separate my son from his dad I am one of the mothers who has fought for him to build a relationship with his son but unfortunately he has used my son as a pawn in a game to get back at me he denigrates me to my son all of the time to which I've had to take my son to the doctors to push for a referral for therapy

[DollyBarton]

A very difficult situation OP. But first and foremost you need to ensure your son is safe.

It sounds like your ex is also causing psychological harm on a lower level on an ongoing basis (badmouthing you to him) which is very very hard to deal with but hopefully your son will see that you did your best to give him a dad when he's old enough to understand things better.