ex has children EOW for 2 nights. We divorced 2.5 years ago, at first he was in a long term relationship and from what I could gather she seemed like a nice lady, treated my children well and the environment was secure and nurturing for the children when they visited. However since he has split with her 6 months ago, there have been a string of women coming and going whom he is introducing to the children after a couple of weeks of meeting them. Whilst I have an issue with this alone, far more serious still is the fact that the children have been subject to (IMO) neglect from their dad, and they have witnessed things of a sexual nature that they really shouldn't have seen at their age (8,10)
To summarise
1)DD saw her dad wanking over webcam/skype call with his girlfriend (I walked in to the bedroom and daddy had the computer infront of him and he was kneeling on the bed with his winky in his hand) (during the day!!)
2)DS walked in on dad having sex with another girlfriend. He did not check he was ok, as would have been normal, he shouted at him to 'GET OUT' and carried on, DS said he heard them carrying on grunting and making sex noises in the adjoining room.
3) Both children were left in the swimming pool on holiday on their own, 'daddy stayed inside because he wouldn't go in the pool unless it was 25degrees or over'. DD said she went in to the villa a couple of times and he was watching videos of people having sex.
4) They woke up one morning to a strange woman in his bed, they had never seen her before, never seen her since.
5)They are sent out to play on the street while he 'entertains' lady friends in his flat. I have told them the dangers of being unsupervised on the street and they refuse to go out alone anymore, despite his encouragement.
6)He regularly hits them, as a form of discipline, clips around the head are most common.
7)I understand he has moved to a new flat, a 1 bedroomed place. He intends to have 2 single sofa beds in the kitchen diner/living room for them to sleep on during contact every other Friday and Saturday night. Is this suitable, shouldn't they be expected to have their own room for privacy at their ages?
8) DS very upset on return from contact last weekend. Said his dad doesn't pay him any attention, he is 'too busy texting, phoning women to have sex with'. We discussed ways he could try to use to bond more with his dad.
I just find it so sad, I want them to have a good relationship with their dad, but its like trudging through water. I've tried broaching the subject and he either denies it, says the children are lying, or finds some way to punish me for calling him up on his behaviour, he refused to return their passports back when I asked him not to let children play unsupervised on the street.
My friend, who is a child protection officer has said that letting them into this environment is unhealthy and a judge may well question why did I allow them to enter into this harmful environment. But I just don't know what to do, I don't want them not to have contact with their dad but I hate them being subjected to this.
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Legal matters
what can I do about this unsuitable environment for the children?
unicornspooprainbows · 10/11/2015 11:46
I'm so sorry about this 
You need to take some action for your lovely children. This must be so confusing for them.
Did you negotiate the current contact arrangements yourself or is there an order?
Having been in a not dissimilar situation though DD had told me nothing and the first I knew was an interview with the CP officer at school.
You write to your Ex stating you are stopping contact and list the reasons why and that this is your responsibility under the children's act.
You talk to your solicitor so they know exactly where you are.
It will get horrid in fact if I had my time again I would have bought a new mobile phone so that I could have turned off the text messages and emails - his record was 17 texts in 15 minutes.
On my solicitors advise I proposed a schedule of supervised contact which gradually increased to unsupervised in a public place etc.
You need to gather all the RL support you can around you it was the hardest thing I have ever ever done, but I would do it again in a heart beat if I thought DD was at risk,
She did have counselling and it really helped.
Have
I would give you 
, but you are going to need all your wits about you.
lonecatwithkitten thank you so much for the advice. I did write a letter to my ex....but before I did my step-dad peer reviewed. He said he was shocked when he read it and said I needed to report it straight away, and if I didn't he would! Ok spoke to NSPCC today and explained to a lovely councillor, she said she could refer to Child Services who would deal with this. Ultimately however they would probably only enforce 'parenting classes' for ex to attend. 
Is that worth putting my children through scrutiny and stress, I thought. She agreed. She did say that a court ordered child arrangement needs to be in place and for that I'd need to do this through my solicitor. This would be to tighten up arrangements around the children, enforcing him not to have girlfriends around at contact time, no sleepovers, and certainly no porn watching or corporal punishment, and adequate supervision put in place. So next step.....write to solicitors? Anyone have any idea how much is this likely to cost me to have the court order put in place? I think its so unfair that I will have to foot the bill, this idiot contests everything over and over again......the apparently uncomplicated no court appearance divorce cost me £15k, he of course represented himself so paid nothing!
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