Single Dad needing advice

[andy1978uk]

Probably the wrong place to post but have been a single dad since January last year kids lived with me since april (1 son, 1 stepdaughter). Social been involved with stepdaughter as after 1 month if shes not with a biological parent (real dads got no contact etc) they have to be involved. reports come through basically I've had accusations of domestic abuse etc to try and back her story up for dumping the two kids on me etc, socials report has stated kids should remain with me and I have to get legal rights over step daughter (mums got issues with depression possibly manic depression, cannot cope with kids on her own, potential alcohol problems etc), socials recommended I go through court for residency etc as I've provided stability to the two children for over a year now (stepdaughters nearly 5 and sons just turned 3), since the breakup mums had a tendancy to disappear up to 100 miles away for a few months come back and do it again, latest time shes come back with a new bf, similar thing happened with the eldest 'dad' who was on birth certificate etc but wasn't really dad court occurred etc and kids went back to mum (I'd supported her through this as she was pregnant with my son). All I'm wanting to do is provide a stable environment for the kids, I've not been in a relationship since her as I'm struggling to balance work and these two but I am in a bit of a qunadrynow as until I get legal help (mum and her mum aren't helping out at all now after social report came through) I'm having to reduce working hours etc because I cannot legally provide childcare for my stepdaughter (which the exes mum was doing). I feel like I'm trapped between a bit of a proverbial rock and a hard place and I'm worried whats gonna happen next with these two. Anyone been in a similar situation or can give me advice would be appreciated :)

[WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat]

Sorry, I'm not entirely sure what you're asking? Is it that due to some legal/social services constraints, you are not allowed to let anyone provide childcare for your dsd unless they are related to her by blood, therefore are going to have to cut hours so she doesn't need childcare? And that will mean you are worried about not having enough £?

Have you spoken to child tax credits etc to see what you are entitled to?

I'm presuming the child's mother has thrown her toys out the pram and won't help. Or won't help reliably?

[Crossfitmyarse]

Yes, I am a bit confused as well!

Are you saying that she has accused you of domestic abuse as a way of trying to justify why she has run off leaving you with the children? This is on the social services report and your mother and her mother have withdrawn their help because of this?

By 'I cannot legally provide childcare for my stepdaughter' do you mean that as you are not her legal guardian or birth parent you cannot sign up to put her in any formal childcare setting, yet you have been left to care for her full time as her mother has run off and left her with you?

I'm not sure who the first port of call would be here, but as a start you could try with Citizens Advice Bureau and they will be able to point you in the right direction of the relevant agencies to help you. Also make sure you are getting all the financial help you are entitled to while your working hours are cut. Does the mother still have the child benefit for both children paid to her?

[lunar1]

Is the mother working? Could you alloy for maintenance. You are doing a lovely thing taking on your stepdaughter, even with the massive hurdles you are going through.

[UrbanSunday]

It sounds as though you need to make an application to the Court for a child arrangements order in respect of all of the children to formalise the fact that they live with you . If you are successful in getting this order this will also grant you parental responsibility in respect of your step daughter ( and any other children you don't have pr for).

You will need to attend a mediation session first to have the mediator sign a form c 100 but legal aid is available for this if you are having financial difficulties. You may be able to apply for a waiver from mediation if there is any urgency etc.

You should also check if your local families need fathers meeting has a free legal advice clinic and if your local court has an assistance unit to help you out with form filling etc.

[Crossfitmyarse]

You also need to be very careful that you don't get yourself into a situation where you've effectively had to give up your job to do full time childcare, only to find that she waltzes back in and takes her DD or both the children, (which at the moment it sounds as though she is legally entitled to do) leaving you not only alone, but unemployed as well. You may find it difficult to argue your case with your stepdaughter (unless you can show that she is an unfit mother and the child can be made a ward of court) but as you have not adopted her it's going to be pretty tricky if your ex decides to make a fuss in a few months or years time about wanting her back. Are you happy to bring up your stepdaughter permanently as your own child even though her mother is not in the picture? It would be nice for her to have the stability of a life with her little brother, and you are obviously the only father figure she has known properly. If so then you really need to get as much legal advice as possible, as soon as possible.