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Ex stalling DNA test.

(4 Posts)
ShortAndSteadyWinsTheRace Thu 21-Mar-13 14:23:50

My ex is very controlling and has never shown much interest in DS. He demanded overnights at a week old, the second time of seeing him, and kicked up a big fuss that he wasn't being allowed to "show him off enough" (overnights didn't happen) but other than that has had very sporadic contact. He won't set days, and contact is very much "as and when" he turns up.

As far as I am aware, he has no actual concerns over DNA, but at 8m/o he decided he wanted testing doing. I said that was fine, but DS is now 11 m/o, and he keeps stalling having it done.
I have organised 3 different appointments for him as he kept saying he couldn't get it organised and it was taking to much of his time to sort, but he has cancelled each one last minute.
I asked if he still wanted it done, but he is insisting he does.

I am just wondering if this could be used by him to say "I didn't know he was mine so that's why I didn't see him regularly/consistently, but now I want him overnight" to get a court order without having to bother putting time in to get to know him first?

Would this excuse his lack of contact, or would the fact that its him stalling the test mean that he would still be expected to build up contact after? He is on the birth certificate so has parental responsibility.

betterthanever Thu 21-Mar-13 20:16:26

I don't think you can second guess someone like this and it doesn't really matter to be honest what his motives are. I would keep a diary of contact between your DS and your ex and all correspondence you have about the DNA and contact issues just in case it does go to court. Live your life as you want to and do what is best for your DS.

Just say it did go to court, whatever his reason for the irregular contact, the court are unlikely to allow over nights until more of a relationship between him and your DS was established. I am pretty sure they would suggest a regular contact schedule first and only if he kept to that would it progress. So whichever way, he needs to build up contact which he sounds like he doesn't want to do - he doesn't see it as important but a court would.

Legal aid for these matter is stopping at the end of this month, it would cost a lot to take you to court represented and at mediation which you would have to do first anyway, you could suggest a regular contact schedule with a view to things progressing which would be seen as in the child's best interest I think, as I am not legally trained.

izzyizin Sat 23-Mar-13 00:59:00

Does your ex pay child support for his ds?

What form does this 'as and when' contact take? How long does ds spend in your ex's company and is this time spent in your home or does he take him out?

McKenzie13 Mon 25-Mar-13 20:29:10

It would appear that your ex is sending very conflicted messages.
I am concerned that he wants to "show him off". The child isn't a trophy.
He seems to want contact and then is erratic when offered. This is certainly not in your child's best interests.

The fact that he's on the birth certificate should negate any doubt of paternity.

I wouldn't worry about what he does and doesn't do. Sounds to me like you are acting in your child's best interest.

Note though: I would get everything (or as much as possible) in writing. If it gets to court (and let's hope that it can be avoided) then you will have enough to illustrate his motives, which I doubt at the moment.

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