Advice on custody should both parents 'pass'

[Pagen]

Hi, my husband and I have talked about what we would like to happen to our two children should anything happen to the two of us. For reasons I won't go into I would prefer custody to go to a close friend of ours rather than any of the grandparents. My mum supports my decision but my husband is not convinced and would rather his father take custody.
Am I right in thinking that should anything happen to us both without leaving a will my mother would automatically take custody? If so could she then make the decision, assuming no one contests it, to pass custody to my friend?
Can I make a will expressing my preferences even if my husband oesnt put his name to it?
I know this may all sound a bit complicated but I am only thinking about what would be best for our children.
Many thanks

[fraktion]

If you both die at the same time, he technically dies first so your will would stand in theory.

Custody wouldn't automatically go to your mother, though.

We also have a close friend as guardian. That doesn't mean he would automatically take DS in and the expectation is that he would consult but we felt it better to have a third party making the decision, especially as our families are in separate countries.

[mumblechum1]

He is only deemed to have died first if he is older than you. The guardianship (it isn't called custody) would have to be decided by a court, unless social services were happy that the children would be cared for by an agreed family member.

I'm a will writer and I'm happy to advise (I have a paid for ad over on Small Business Classifieds). Essentially, you can appoint a guardian in your will if your husband doesn't also appoint one in his. If you both die before your youngest child is 18, then because there is no indication to the contrary in your husband's will, guardianship would pass to whomever you appoint in yours.

If you both die and you both appoint different people and there's a dispute in the family then the court would have to consider the matter and make an order under the Children Act. Whatever decision the court made would be based on what it considers would be in the children's best interests.

I hope that makes sense but if you'd like any further info, at no charge, you can contact me through the website on my advert or send me a PM

[MOSagain]

Agreed with Mumblechum, oldest will be deemed to have died first.
I'd also recommend you get a will professionally written and would highly recommend Mumblechum who has written wills for numerous Mumsnetters

[mumblechum1]

Thanks MOS