Mumsnet has not checked the knowledge, experience or professional qualifications of anyone posting on Mumsnet Talk and cannot be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you have any serious legal concerns, we would suggest you consult a lawyer.

John vs ex-wife

(1 Post)
NagaViper Thu 11-Oct-12 14:03:42

Hello all, I am new here, so please bear with me. Any advice, comments (good, bad or rude), will be appreciated lol

John and I dated in 1969. I was 16 he was 19. We parted when he joined the forces. We met again on line by chance 41 years later in 2010, but remained platonic friends as John was happily married to Dawn. I was living 500 miles away so we only chatted on line or by phone. By this time, John was 61 and Dawn was 37. They have a son, aged 12. He then found out that she had been having an affairs throughout the marriage and she eventually left the marital home to live with her boyfriend (now partner). John was given full custody of their son. They divorced in Sept 2010. A year later, we finally met and we are now together as partners. Their son and I get on very well and I obviously contribute to the upkeep of the flat and food for the three of us. I also contribute to school trips, uniforms, general clothing etc. I do not have a problem with this. My children are grown up, it's nice to have a youngster around again.

Dawn lives 700 yards away, and sees their son about once a week. She has never, ever paid maintenance or given any money for the upkeep of their son. John is semi-retired and lives in council accommodation, with tax credits making up his meagre income. John has never ever stopped her from seeing him, in fact he has encouraged it, but her partner does not like their son and refuses to have him in his house. Sadly she seems to favour his decisions.

Since I moved here, things have gone from bad to bloody awful. We had to take a restraining order out on her as she attacked John and myself, both verbally and physically. She would stand out in the road blaring her car horn and shouting abuse. (expensive sports car I will add). We could take no more. She then took John to court twice, through her solicitor, for more access to their son and the judge threw the case out when he finally found out the truth. Her solicitor then arranged mediation for both of them, where the mediator told her there was nothing they could do as John had done everything by the books. John has never asked her for maintenance and never will, it's his choice, as he want's nothing more to do with her and would rather raise their son on his own. The only thing that connects the two of them is their son.

Three months ago she went to a 2nd solicitor wanting part of John's local Gov pension, of which she is entitled to six years of. (this has been verified by her solicitor - he sent us a letter stating this but we already knew what she was entitled to - they married in 1993 and he left the job in 1999), but she cannot claim it until he is 65. She is not entitled to his military pension as it was accrued years before they met and it forms part of his monthly income. This has also been verified by her solicitor.

The last letter we received from her solicitor three days ago states that because of the two year wait until he is 65, she now says she doesn't want any of his pension, as long as John doesn't chase her for maintenance, she is willing to go for a Clean Break Order. BUT!!! She wants a one off payment of £1000 from John to pay for the usage of furniture, pots and pans, bath towels and...TEA TOWELS!!!! which she claims she purchased over the years of their marriage and she left in the flat, as 'his new g/f have been using them and she is not allowed to'. <big sigh here>. She claims to her solicitor she is in a lot of debt which she accrued during the marriage, birthday/Xmas presents for the child etc. The solicitors letter reads "my client will continue to treat him (son) to occasional days out and occasional items of clothing when she can afford it".

We actually packed all her stuff away when I moved in, as I brought my own down from my house in Devon when it was sold. She wants paying for using the sofa, which their son sits on to watch TV and which John purchased anyway, and a hall mirror as I use it to look in to comb my hair. Seems unreal I know, but John has to reply to her solicitor about this and make a one-off payment, otherwise she threatens to grab his pension if he does not. Can she ask for this money or can John just offer her a token gesture payment - eg £50.00 and give her the stuff back so she can do as she pleases?

I have said that we should pack it all up and let her have it. I have since found out that even if a clean break order is issued, this does not cover further monetary claims for children under 18.

Any comments or suggestions would be much appreciated.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now