Sounds like a real bad movie, doesn't it?!
My friend is lovely but foolish.
Briefly: After 20 years of happy marriage, her DH turned weird (and 50...) and left. He now lives locally with another woman (who happens to be a solicitor..). Friend is still in disbelief nearly 5 years later ('I still love him, so I won't divorce him, in sickness and in health, this isn't the real DH' etc). She had to go back to work FT and was fortunately able to. Her youngest is now 15.
She is still in the family house with something like a £100k mortgage outstanding. They have made no financial arrangements whatsoever. He is in financial difficulty, because his 'finance-related' job has universally been a victim of The Crash. He is also a spendthrift as several of his mates are jack-the-lad local-boy-made-good and he feels a need to keep up appearances. I don't think they have any bank accounts in common any more. Gradually she has had to take over the household bills in their entirety, only discovering he'd reached a stage where he wasn't paying the mortgage on their joint tenancy home when she got a letter saying a payment had been missed. She was able to pay, though money is very tight.
She is obviously very upset and very angry and pretty confused (and breathtakingly inert about her predicament!) BUT, recently, after a lot of alcohol and a scene with us (me and another mate) she realised that she actually has to do something to protect herself when her DS reaches 18, under 3 years time. She is now planning on divorce in DS's 17th year (!!)- i.e. is seen to be making a decision but one that is far enough off that she doesn't have to 'own' it yet. And she is going to fight his assertion, made soon after they separated, that they'd sell up and he'd take 'his 50%'... she could probably get more than 50%.
ANYWAY (still with me?!), last weekend he came to her in a bit of a mess and told her that she needs to protect herself from him financially pdq as he thinks he will have to declare himself bankrupt very soon! (I am pleased that he, from his recent indifference and verbal aggression actually salvaged enough of his old self to have the decency to warn her, actually!).
What should she do?
Would instigating divorce proceedings been necessary to show they're no longer acting as a couple? Her only 'proof' of not being together is she has a grant for her DDs at uni based on her being a lone parent and the school sends out 2 school reports!
Might she lose the house, if not now but the day DS turns 18?
How can she protect herself from the fallout of his bankruptcy? Does she need to at all?
Any thoughts would be very welcome.
She, of course, could do this stuff herself but she's tech phobic (I know, I know) and hasn't set foot in a solicitor's office re her separation as 'she doesn't want to air her dirty laundry in public' etc etc. And it'll cost £ she doesn't have. But I feel I would like to advise her as best as I can, not that she's taken a great deal of notice of what we've said so far, mind! However, the fact HE has instigated this 'warning' may have girded her to action!
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Legal matters
Separation, bankruptcy, divorce.... (long alert)
14 replies
LittenTree · 05/10/2012 09:16
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