Social services and ex

[bagpuss1234]

Have name changed for this. This might be long but there's no point asking for advice if I'm not clear about what's going on.

I left my ex 2 years ago due to domestic violence. After going through the courts we now have joint residence (50/50) of our DS who is 7. This works well as, despite what happened between us, he is a good dad and our DS loves him.

I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant by my new partner. Due to me having both MH and physical health problems social services have become involved. They've been involved before and have always closed the case saying that they have no concerns. At the moment it looks like it's going to go this way again in respect of both my DS and the baby.

However, a few weeks ago my DS was on a school trip for 2 nights. On the first night my ex turned up at my door (he knows my address even though he shouldn't because social services accidentally disclosed it to him last year). Long story short - it ended up with him attacking and raping me. I've been to the sexual assault referral centre but have decided that for the time being I don't want police involvement.

The referral centre had to tell social services. I told the social worker I didn't want my ex to know that I'd told anyone as it'll just make things worse. I also told her that I don't want my current partner to know (he's away travelling) as he'll kill my ex (that's not an exaggeration). At first the social worker was fine about this but has since said that she's spoken to her manager and although she doesn't have to tell my partner she does have to tell my ex. She says that this is because of child protection and because he should have a chance to answer the allegation.

I have absolutely no idea what to do. Have been trying to get hold of my solicitor with no luck to see if there's any legal way I can stop them from telling him. If they tell him then it's going to make the situation worse and put me - and therefore the baby - at even more risk (so that makes it a child protection issue as well). Also, he wouldn't have known where to find me if they hadn't disclosed my address.

I guess what I'm asking is if anyone knows whether there's a legal way of stopping the?. And can anyone point me in the right direction for some legal advice (as I can't get hold of my solicitor)? I'm not entitled to legal aid but I'm about to get some money as my dad died recently so will have some money to pay. I'm really scared and don't know what to do from here.

Sorry this has been so long. Thanks for reading xx

[MoaningMinnieWhingesAgain]

I'm sorry I don't know enough to help you properly, what an awful situation

I would think that the referral centre may be obliged to tell SS, given that the man who attacked you shares residency of the children with you.

But I don't see that they could disclose anything to the EX - an allegation of rape is something that should remain confidential and only shared with others on a strictly need to know basis. Of course he does know, because he knows he raped you.

The fact he was able to come to your address because SS revealed your address and now that want to involve him more in this mess

[ASillyPhaseIAmGoingThrough]

That money would be put to better use to move county council, away from ss who disclose your address and gave opportunity to a rapist.

[lizbee156]

That's awful. My heart goes out to you.

I'm afraid I can't give you any legal advice but the Co-op have a free legal advice line: 0845 602 1416 I think it's open from 8-8.
It could be worth a try.

I also think you should reconsider going to the police.
If social services are going to make the situation worse anyway by telling him I think you need their protection.

I also think that even if he is a good father he is capable of a commiting a serious crime and should not be allowed unsupervised access.

[fedup2012]

I'm sorry but I agree with SS, despite what they have done. You need to tell your current partner - it is his choice how he deals with it. He needs to know so that he can support you.

You allowing your children to see a rapist - that is neglect, at best. I would not allow this and social services are right to prevent this.

You are scared, you need courage and strength to get through this with people who care about you - and that has got to be your current partner, and social services.

[Zanzicat]

Sorry to hear this. You should call Family Rights Group (google them, sorry on phone so can't link) and they can advise you about all matters relating to social services. Hope you get the advice you need.

[fedup2012]

Also call Womens Aid, OP - 0808 2000 247

[cestlavielife]

I think you do need to tell your partner
And report to police
And stop contact for now with DS and go back to court urgently to ask for a review of current fifty fifty arrangement. You can tell ds for now dad ad to g away or something til you decide what to tell ds, after getting advice

What if your ex is also dong this to other women ?

How can this be good role model for your ds?
Do you really believe he is not passing on any of this view of women onto his ds ?

You need to ask ss courts and the police for support in protecting yourself and ds from him


How can you feel ok sending ds to be with a man who is still violent towards you ? It does not make him a good dad. . Talk it thru with women's aid. Tell your partner.

[cestlavielife]

You can stop contact with "reasonable excuse"

Him seeking you out to rape you is reasonable excuse but consult solicitor.

But you do need to report to police. .
It is a really awful situation for you . You need people holding your hand. In rl and advocating for you and ds.

If your current partner did this to someone would you then feel ok having your children around him ? Or a stranger did this? It is v confusing as your ds loves him . But ds will love him anyway. It does not mean it is ok or safe for ds to be around him unsupervised. Given what he has done. Talk it thru with someone who can help you more