Ex won't pay money and wants to take me to court!?

[st3phani3]

Hi

I'm having some issues with my ex-partner he doesn't pay for our DS who is almost 5years old. He did pay from £40 a month from Dec of 2009 until May of 2010 (pitiful I know).

Its a long story but I have tried to get CSA and had several failed attempts (he reckons he's on JSA and trying to start up a new business, already has clients). Anyways he is not on DS birth certificate (his choice to say no, as he said I could claim CSA if his name was on).

I want whats best for my son and to see his father is a big priority to me. His father is not consistent, does not pay, so I went to my solicitor & got visitation for my son and his father in a contact centre. Still no money from him but the visits we're going well, so after 4month I allowed him over night stays.

My only condition, do not to introduce him to anyone at the minute. Cut a long story short he introduced him to his girlfriend and her son straight away without telling me.

I don't have any hidden agenda, i'm happy he is with one girl at least its some kind of stability. My only priority is my son and he's not happy, I insisted on mediation with him his girlfriend and 'her' son and he said no. So I went back to my solicitor to see if mediation would work again, as I feel he broke our agreement. Around the same time I got a message from my ex saying he will talk to me through lawyers and he is taking me to court!?

To be fair I feel he is having a laugh, am I going crazy here? He doesn't pay, actually he said he won't. He is not consistent, doesn't turn up on time and most of the time my son is lucky if he turns up at all. Although while at the contact centre his time keeping was always perfect.

Does he have a leg to stand on?????

[countydurhamlass]

is there a Contact Order in place? Is he going to apply to vary it?

He can take you to court for contact with his ds but he will have to prove he is committed to regular consistent contact. his solicitor will have to make a referral to mediation first, then apply for public funding (if eligible) then make the application to court so it could take a few months to get a court hearing. Keep a diary of how the contacts go, when he doesnt turn up, turns up late etc and regularly update your solicitor and ask them to write a letter to his solicitors/him advising him that in the best interests of your ds he needs to build up his relationship with ds before introducing other people into the equation as(if you have one). If he fails to attend contact get your solicitor to write a letter asking why. it will all be evidence against him.

As for getting money out of him, this is a totally separate thing and the court will not be interested in whether or not he pays for him when deciding contact unfortunately.

[st3phani3]

No contact order is in place..

Everything that you said is what i expected and I fully agree with you. I have always initiated contact for my son but I just feel he has pushed me too far this time.

Thank you for your rapid response..

Much appreciated thank you :)

[titchy]

You have no right I'm afradi to dicate to whom and when he can introduce girlfriends/ step children/ the milkman/next door's cat to your ds. You wouldn'texpect him to dictate who you can introduce your son to - the same applies the other way round.

So yes he has a very large leg to stand on - particularly as only documented concact went well and was timely.

[3xcookedchips]

Can I ask why you insisted your son see his Father in a contact centre?

Now that he sees more of your son, what grounds do you have for restring any increased contact, other than you don't like the idea of him introducing your son to people of your choice?

Be careful of keeping a diary such as this - depending how it is presented may paint you as controlling. Also, he may be keeping his own diary.

[st3phani3]

Is that right, well sorry if its too much to ask for him to have the decency to spend time with his DS alone and get to know him, before introducing anyone else.

FYI I do not object to his new partner! Once I found out I asked if he would do mediation with my DS and his new partner... and he said no!

Don't be fooled the visits he did turn up for he was on time, but 3 visits he didnt turn up for contact at all (his reason...he was working, but he informs CSA he's on JSA, ABSOLUTE JOKE!!)

So no, Im not "dictating" as you put it! I only suggested introducing her slowely, but he refused!

Did you read my last post properly?

[st3phani3]

His father disappeared for 9 months and then decided it was alright to walk right back in...

It may look controlling but im not prepared to be a push over any longer....

[3xcookedchips]

I read your post - and what I read from it was -'My baby, my rules...' -

Should you ever go to court its no longer about your rules but what's in the best ineterests of your son(a well worn phrase), and the courts rules may not entirely match yours...

You still not sure why the contact centre was insisted upon.

Let me get this right, you suggested mediation where you, your ex, your son(who is 5) and his new girlfriend would be present? Really?

You are right it is a reasonable expectation to introduce to new partners when the time is right, however 1) Once your son is in his fathers care you cant control what happens as long as your sons welfare is not compromised, 2) All reason goes out the window in these sitautions.

Best of luck.

[prh47bridge]

According to your original post you made it a condition that your ex did not introduce your son to anyone. That reads like you are dictating, or at least attempting to do so. You can ask him to spend time with his son alone but it is entirely up to your ex whether or not he does so and who your son meets whilst he is in his care.

Money is a separate issue. You may want to apply to the CSA for a variation on the grounds that he has income of over £100/week which is not being taken into account and/or his lifestyle is inconsistent with his declared income.

[p3anut]

No the mediation I suggested... would be separate..

The visitation in a contact centre, would consist of my DS seeing his father alone WITHOUT me, and yes his fathers partner would be present with "her" son and the staff would monitor the situation.

Really, is that too much to ask????
Surely his father should have the common courtesy to be sensitive to the fact our son is watching him play dad to another child?
This is a lot of change for a little boy who is still 4 and won't be 5 until another 5 month........!!


All I want to know my son is that my DS is alright with this situation...

[p3anut]

Please read the full sentence....

I said "do not introduce anyone at the minute"

[p3anut]

As much as I would like to argue my post with you guys...

I'm sorry but I have Uni work to be getting on with, as well as taking care of my little ones, making tea, doing the washing... Oh and then I'm off to work later....

But thanks anyways for your input... no rest for the wicked eh!

[titchy]

Well you asked fro advice. The advice was yes he does have a leg to stand on adn no you don't.

[p3anut]

Is that what it was advice? Seems a little bias to me!?

[titchy]

Won't be you making the decision though - it'll be the judge won't it...

[p3anut]

Can I ask you.....

Why is it that you insist on goading me?

If all you are doing is apparently giving "advice." Not just that but advice that is quite bias.... which im not interested in!

The judge can judge whomever he/she pleases.... I have just spoke to my solicitor and my DS father has agreed to my terms... so I guess it won't be judged at all....

BTW go buy a dictionary because your messages are quite illiterate and hard to decipher...

Try reading a book and not just the front cover!!

Just saying....

[3xcookedchips]

Now I'm confused why you posted because obviously you're right and have it all under control.

Sometimes, if you don't like the answer(s), dont ask the question

People posted their opinions and responses in good faith not to be contrary because I guess some people have been thru this process and their experience may provide an alternative viewopint.

[prh47bridge]

Yes, I saw the "at the minute" part of the sentence. If your ex had taken you to court instead of accepting your terms you would have discovered that the courts would view your condition as unreasonable regardless of whether it was temporary or permanent. You may not like it but the courts would take the view that it is none of your business what your ex does with your son whilst he is in his care.

I am sorry you don't like the advice you have been given but some of us know how the courts view these things.

[3xcookedchips]

...and it seems you have the perspective from both the Yin and the Yang.