Legal question on home ownership/acessibility

[TryingToGetThroughIt]

My DH has found a new woman and has decided to leave me and our two DD's aged 7 1/2 and 6. We have a good mortgage and we agree it would be futile to do anything with it for the time being because it would be financially detrimental to us both to do it.
He has suggested he stays on the mortgage and keeps it going until the kids are grown or it's paid off (11 years 3 months to go). My question is, does anyone know if we can get a legal document drawn up that would prevent him being able to enter the home whilst he is still on the deeds? He is willing to sign and agree but I don't know if it is possible - any advice welcome!

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

Hmm, as the owner he has the legal right of entry/habitation, and I don't think one can sign away one's statutory rights. But I guess if you just drew up and agreement between you, if it all goes tits-up further down the line you could produce the agreement in Court to show his original intentions. It wouldn't have any legal standing, though.

[welshdeb]

Get a solicitor's advice before you agree to anything.

[nocake]

You need to get the financial arrangement drawn up in a legal document (a consent order) because although you both agree now thing could change in the future.

I suggest you sit down together and write down exactly how you want the financial arrangements to work. As well as the current position you also need to think about what will happen when the kids are grown up. Will you sell the house? How will you split the money? Then take this to a solicitor and get them to write up a consent order. The solicitor will give you advice on what you can and can't do. For example, they may suggest your husband pay maintenance and you be responsible for the mortgage.

[TryingToGetThroughIt]

oh :( guess the house might end up on the market then - thanks for your advice though

[TryingToGetThroughIt]

oh hang on nocake - are you saying it is possible to get everything agreed legally?

[nocake]

Yes. As part of a divorce you can have a consent order which sets out the financial arrangements. How stuff is split, if maintenance is to be paid, should the house be sold, should it be sold now or in the future, who gets what money from the house... everything. The reason for doing it as a legal document is that neither of you can change your mind later.

If your DH is moving in with the OW then there is no particular reason the house needs to be sold now as you all have somewhere to live. However, he is entitled to a share of the value of the house so you could put in the consent order that it will be sold on a future date and he will get (for example) 50% of the equity.

It's a reaaly sensible idea to discuss this with him and come to an amicable agreement before going to see a solicitor, who will then draw up the consent order. Try to get an amicable agreement because it gets very expensive if you end up with solicitors arguing over it.

[nocake]

I should also have added that you can get the house assigned to you in the consent order, which means he would no longer have a right of access even if his name is on the deeds. He could still be entitled to a share of the equity at a future date even if it is assigned to you.

[TryingToGetThroughIt]

Am sat here with tears in my eyes, this is such a relief to hear - it's bad enough having him breaking all this up without losing the family hone too - nocake - I can't thank you enough. I think I'll have the courage to go and speak to a solicitor now. It's all happened over a matter of weeks so I think things are only now sinking in.

I want to do it all collaberately and so does he right now but I guess time will tell.

He's not moving in with her immediately so he says - he's looking for a place to live now.

[nocake]

I'm pleased to be able to help. I will re-iterate my comments about keeping it amicable though. It is very easy to drift into the "I'm going to get everything I can" attitude and end up with solicitors sending letters every other day which will cost both of you a small fortune, money which would be far better split between the two of you. I'm sure you are feeling very hurt but you'll get stung just as badly if you try and take it out on him via the financial arrangements.

When I split with my ex I was keen to sort out the finances between us but she decided to employ a solicitor. I managed to avoid using one until the threats and demands from her solicitor became too much and were affecting my health. It eventually ended up costing me £8k and her over £15k in legal costs. If there had been millions of pounds to argue over then it might have been understandable but it was all over a £250,000 house and my pension. Please don't end up going down this route.

[TryingToGetThroughIt]

Nocake - honestly, so far I'm doing everything to keep it amicable. I offered him the spare ben in our house, even offered for him to take the kids beds with him and I'll get new ones in so that when they stay at his they have something farmiliar!

We both agree theres no point in selling up just now so I want to try and get as much agreed as I can. Part of the reason for this is I doubt the relationship with the OW will last very long so I want things signed and sealed before he realises he's making a mistake.