sending child to see father

[allabout]

my 7 year old has started not wanting to see my ex (the father) and is becoming more and more upset about having to go even more so when pushed to(which i dont like doing), if i was to stop my child going untill he wanted to go again (if he did) would a court make him still go. i have always let my ex have are son any time he wants so have never had to go to court about it before there is no court order in place and my sons father does not have 'parental responsibility' as we never married and my son was born before December 2003 (not that it matters). i do think my son should see his dad but not if its going to upset him so much. i dont know what to do for the best please can anyone help.

[STIDW]

A child withdrawing from contact is rather like not wanting to go to school. If a child doesn't feel like going to school or is avoiding a row for not handing in homework it would be foolish of a parent not to insist they went. On the other hand, if a child is really upset or even depressed because of bullying a parent would need to approach the school to get to the bottom of the problem and try to resolve matters.

It is important children maintain contact with a separated parent in all but the most exceptional circumstances because children who are insecure about their parentage tend to have low self esteem. This leads to emotional and behavioural problems such as teenage pregnancies and/or dysfunctional relationships in adulthood.

Good contact for children relies on parents working together, or at least not against each other. Going to court is best avoided because the process often leaves parents feeling resentful and resistant making working together impossible. In the grand scale of things the fact your ex doesn't have PR is unlikely to make a difference.

I think the best you can do for your son is speak to your ex without blaming to see if he can shine any light on the problem and has any suggestions as to a way forward. If communication between you is not good seeking help from an impartial family mediator might be useful.

[SolidGoldBrass]

Yes, what does your DS say about why he doesn't want to go? 7 is old enough to be able to tell you. Also, what does XP say about it? And how horrible is XP? Is he someone you could have a reasonable chat with about why DS is so distressed and what can be done?
If XP is awful ie was violent to you and may be bullying his son then stop contact and tell XP it's supervised contact only and then it will stop if he ca't behave himself.

[itstimmytime]

Is he a good father? At 7, I would say he goes unless there is a good reason not to and and there is no opt out clause. Do you say or imply that you don't want him to go ever? Children often do this to try to make the primary parent happy in my experience. I have been in your position a few times and it has always been hard to let/make my dc go, but worth it when dc return having enjoyed the experience and built a stronger relationship with Dad. It's not easy. Good luck. x