dh has said he'll think about it now..

[liahgen]

For those of you who know me. We've done lots of talking and this weekend, dh said he'd think about having another baby.

I know that's not a yes but for all this time he's been saying a definate no so am grabbing this positive move.

Am really trying not to get my hopes up too much, [erm, useless emoticon] and definately not badgering him about it, but i am sooo excited.

[skyblu]

I'd take that as a positive move too!!

Desperately trying to steer my DP to a 'I'll think about it' rather than the straight 'No'.

How did you get him to that point?

What did you use as the pro's?

Very best of luck to you!! xx

[liahgen]

Hi Sky,

I haven't really used anything tbh. We already have 5 dc's, were actively trying up to a couplke of months ago for #6, then he announced he'd changed his mind.

I was devastated, wasn't expecting that at all. Had a mc about 3wks later

He's been adamant since that that's it. All i've done is explain to him, how much it means to me. Yes i know we have 5 healthy dc's and everyday i thank my lucky stars for them but this was and is a very real gut wrenching feeling inside that i'm/we're not finished. I really can't explain it. that's all i was able to tell him really.

It's cauesd my sleepless nights crying, ( i haven't let him see me like this but he does know i'm incredibly unhappy about it)I am trying to be normal, and yes i realise noone died, and i'd get over it i'm sure but at the weekend, we'd had a good chat about the dc's, (tempermental teen, ) and we were laying in bed and i just said

Dh, please will you at least think about having another baby.

Cue longest 2 min pause of my life, then he says,

Ok, i'll think about it. OMG.

I hope you get the result you would like too SKY. At least he's giving it some thought, and if it's till no, then i'll have to get a dog or somat.

[skyblu]

Hi liahgen

I completely understand the gut wrenching feeling inside. That feeling started for me 4 months ago.
I think the 'niggle' had always been there but I'd been able to surpress it for years. Lying to myself. 4 months ago, out of nowhere, it became a very real, gut wrenching feeling.

I only have 1 DC and thought I would be happy with that. Now, I just can't imagine living my life without a DC2.
DP has 4 children. Ours and 3 (now all teens) from 1st wife.
He is 40 and is 'done'.

I am 33 and desperate to experience motherhood again. The thought of never again experiencing pregnancy, birth and raising another human being sends me into despair.

We can't afford another one, especially at the moment. I know that. But DP refuses to discuss it any further and uses the finances as the show stopper.

But just to be able to grip to a grain of hope would help me....if he'd just say he'd think about it when finances pick up....

'No' is so bleak isn't it.

So I hear you and understand completely!

At least him saying he'll think about it gives you some room for discussion. You can then state your reasons why/why not and go from there.

Good luck x

[liahgen]

oh sky i so feel for you. I am 42 and dh is 40 this year.

His reasons are time allocation with all the dc's. Financial, (although not so much) and our time as we get older.

People on here have said You never regret having a child but you will regret not having one. That makes so much sense to me.

Good luck to you, keep us posted. x

[skyblu]

I know, this is the problem.

My grandmother is 89 years old, she had 2 DC's but always wanted 3. She 'accepted' that maybe 3 wasn't meant to be but even at 89 years old she still holds that regret (& bitterly).

I fear that will be me.

But what do I do? People have told me that it could be a dealbreaker between my partner and I. But really? How could I break up the home and seperate my current DS's family, in order to fulfil my need for another DC?! That makes no sense to me.

So, I guess I have to live with it and hope hope hope the feeling goes away...

We also have a (very) independant cat too, so I can't even have me a dog!!

[mrsdisorganised]

Hooray Liahgen you back!!!! Lots of luck that it will happen quickly for you, seriously though I hope it all goes well.

[liahgen]

Mrsdisorganised. Thats some welcome, thank you very much.

Sky, So sad for your grandmother, what a way to live for all those years. That was eaxactly what i didn't want to happen to us, and my very real fear, as you say, is yours was that i would regret it deeply, and end up resenting dh.

My dh is a good man, and i love him deeply, as i'm sure you do too. Lots of ladies on here gave me advice it's not worth ruining your dc's life, wrecking your marriage, and in my heart of hearts, i know all that is true, but i know i would have lived with that regret too.

At leats now, I know dh is giving it another go at thinking it over, and i will accept his final decision, however hard it may be. I am holding out hope though, and i will hold some for you too. x

[Astarte]

Hello Liaghen
I'm very pleased there is a chink of light there at last

That's how no.4 is now cooking for me. A chink, some honesty, a wee bit of time and the luck of the feckin' fecund brigade

I was very worried about the regrets I might have later in life, when it's too late and whether a small part of me would blame Dh for feeling that way. You just don't know whether you will still feel like that do you?
Once I had been open to him about this, he took a little time and then changed his mind.

In his eyes he wouldn't regret having a fourth once they arrived, but couldn't live with the possibility that a decision he made, which didn't hold the same significance for him, could potentially leave me with regrets for the rest of our life together.

Just gotta get 'er out now

Good luck!

[RiaParkinson]

liaghen - 'think about it' means yes in my book!

I look and feel about a 1000 at the moment but am not ruling out number 7

Its lovely!

[liahgen]

astarte that's so how i feel. We talked a bit today and he asked me is it so clear cut that you'll be unhappy without a child, and having another baby will make you happy? I said, actually yes, it's that simple yet so complicated.

He said he didn't realise so is now giving it proper thought. I haven't mentioned my fear of resentments as i don't want him to feel forced but maybe i should be 1000% percent honest?

ria how old is no. 6 and how old are you? I'm 42 and so we don't have all the time in the world left but i feel ok. I said on another thread that i always said 40 would be my cut off point but now i've passed that, i still feel 30.

God mother nature has alot to answer for doesn't she?