How do I best help my friend who is expecting DC 4&5 unexpectedly

[festivefrolics]

I wasn't sure if I should post here or in the multiple births section but I think people here will be best able to advise. My friend has recently discovered she is expecting twins, this is not planned but obviously she & everyone else is delighted if a bit scared. She currently has DC1 just 6, DC2 3, & DC3 who is 8mo.

My current plan is to focus on her 3 DC so I can take them to the park etc etc & give my friend some time to rest & prepare whilst PG, but also to continue doing that once the twins are here so she has time to focus on her new babies. I'm guessing that most people will be interested in the new arrivals.

My friend is going to need help. I can see that. She is already an amazing mum, but even Superwoman needs an extra pair of hands sometimes :)

How do I best phrase my offers of help without causing offence?

What is the most useful thing friends did for you when you added extra children to your family?

TIA

[LongStory]

I had a surprise 4 and 5 together, and was very grateful for any offers of help so what a very wonderful friend you are.

I think the most useful thing you could do is to (a) be led by her on what's helpful and (b) if at all possible offer a regular time of the week so that she can rely on you / plan it in.

For me I found it great for someone to stay with the babies so that I could do trips out or even that precious 1-1 time with my older children.

[5kidsnobump]

Yes, I would defiantely second what Longstory says about offering help at set times in the week if you're able to.

I have 5, ranging from 7 down to 1 - and I found the first year of having 5 of them very hard. My mum now has my 3 preschoolers 1 day a week, which means I know I have several hours in a block to get on top of the house work and washing, which with 5 is a massive task!

Also if you want to offer help, I think it's good to phrase it in such a way that you like spending time with which ever child/ren it is, then as a mum it doesn't make you feel like you are being a burden on other people!

You sound like a fab friend btw - with lots of kids, help from others can definately make a massive difference

[notnagging]

Lovely of you to be so thoughtful. Meals, trips out with the kids, company, shopping. All very important. I would have lived to have a friend like you when I had twins. I felt very isolated.

[festivefrolics]

It will be a set time every week, due to work etc. The middle (at the moment) DC is being assessed for AS or similar. My own DC1 is AS so I have experience with this. I have known the mum for years & she is hypersensitive at the moment of people thinking she cant cope. I know she can do this.

Meal ideas once the twins turn up would be great, I'm already assuming paper plates etc

[RandomMess]

I would think pitching up for a cuppa just to visit and being hands on will be appreciated. I'm not sure you need to tell her now that you will help - just do it! If you live nearish by whenever you need to pop to the supermarket give her a warning that you're going at xpm and does she need anything picking up and dropping off?

[Cantsleep]

You sound lovely.

Def a set time each week would be best as with lots of dcs its nice to be able to plan things and know when you will get some help.

I wish I had friends like you

[Margetts]

If you can I, would offer to have the older one back to play after school and give them their tea while your friend is pregnant. I was exhausted during a twin pregnancy.
I would have loved people to have brought me meals once the babies came.
Taking the children out at the weekend to the park is a lovely idea and I'm sure your friends children would really appreciate being taken out as would the parents.
Once the babies are here taking you friend out to the local soft play area with the little ones and the babies. I really appreciated people helping me to get out and. It's was lovely just to sit on a sofa while the children played and have coffee and cake.

[bellablot]

Wow, I wish I had a friend like you!

I'm expecting number 4 now and had plenty of offers old help but I'm quite proud and would never take them. If I were you I would maybe help with s cooked meal once a week (Shepard pie etc) when babies come, taking kids to park for an hour, maybe taking some of the washing away. U think any little thing will help and she will surely appreciate it.

[NAR4]

Make some healthy family meals for her freezer. That way she can feed herself and family a healthy meal without needing the time and energy to cook it. I would imagine she will need all the energy she can get, from eating healthily.

[Fresh01]

How near are you to her and her child's school? Could you offer to collect her eldest and drop them to school every morning for the first wee while?

When I had no 4 (eldest was 6) my sister in law dropped dc1 and DC2 to school/preschool every morning for the first 2 months. But she lives at the other end of my street and her dd's were in the senior school at my children's primary school, so she wasn't going hugely out of her way. It was a huge help to me though in those initial weeks. She said I'm doing it for a couple of weeks then said I'm keeping doing it! She had had 4 herself so knew what it was like.