Fed up with the attitude of others ...

(11 Posts)
Back2Two Sun 04-Nov-12 16:14:30

I don't agree. I have a friend who has a large family and my dh is from a large family.

Not everyone passes judgment on you and your large family solely for being large. You're being much too sensitive and you're projecting your own belief that everyone that comments on your family is being "hurtful" "rude" and negative.

Not so. Not possible. People are simply making any old random comment to you and, as you have a large family they latch on to this to make a connection. Most will be trying to be nice and just passing the time of day. Just as lots of people comment on my son's curly hair or even the fact that I have 2 boys ("hands full" "will you try for a girl" "they'll fight non-stop")

You are mistaking it for people focussing on your large family and ignoring everyone else. It's not reality.

But you did sound as if you were judging the "two kids brigade". You have no reason to judge and you don't ever know why people DON'T have a large family. Some might not be able to have more, some may choose not to have more for political and social and environmental reasons and some might not want any more.

droves Sun 04-Nov-12 09:34:21

Isla , I think you'd agree that no one has the right to pass judgement on you , based solely on the size of your family .

Generalisations are very different from when someone personally makes hurtful comments aimed directly at you based on the number of children you have.

I'm sorry you've had to put up with that also .

droves Sun 04-Nov-12 09:26:17

Mamaloves , i havent made a sweeping generlisation about smaller families. Im sorry you read it that way . What i did say is Id Prefer one family of 10 kids who are brought up well over 5 families of 2 kids that were not .( the theme is the larger families are always viewed negitively even if that is not justified , that doesn't happen with small families . They tend to have to prove they are trouble before its assumed ) . I appologise for not marketing my point clearer.

Backtwo I wasn't thinking about your children personally . I'm sure they are lovely .

I was thinking of a few local families I know personally .

But your reaction , would give you an indicator of how it feels to have a complete stranger pass judgement on your family based solely on one thing. Except it's never just one person. It's everyone .
People in tescos, at bus stops , in dentist offices , at the doctors , in the playground .

Even the "nice " people , who call after you " oh you've got your hands full " or " you need to buy a telly " .

Rude and presumptuous just about covers it .

Back2Two Sat 03-Nov-12 13:29:05

instead of 5 two child families that think they are entitled to the latest gadgets and grow up thinking the world owes them an existence , who are rude ,antisocial and never work.

Gosh. I don't normally read many larger family threads as I only have 2 children.

My children are absolutely nothing like you assume they are. How rude and presumptuous of you.

IslaValargeone Sat 03-Nov-12 13:14:46

Whatever your family set up is there will always be someone with something negative to say about it.
As the mother of an only child, I can assure you that I've had no end of criticism about my choices. Just ignore it.
I would like to add that she doesn't have the latest gadgets, is not anti social or rude, does not feel the world owes her anything and although she is only 10, has every intention of working for a living.
Generalisations work both ways dontcha know.

mamalovesmojitos Sat 03-Nov-12 13:06:14

I feel for the bad press big families get but with your sweeping generalisations about small families you are just as rude.

orangeberries Sat 03-Nov-12 13:01:27

Yes the comments are very wearing indeed.....

Now that my youngest is 3 the constant one is "having another one?", I find it incredibly rude that nearly total strangers ask this all the time, it would never cross my mind to ask anyone who I don't know very well about family planning. In fact I am always polite and say no and make a couple of funny jokes but I am might bat that answer back with "no, are you?"
which I think it's only fair. So what I am saying is bat it back whatever they ask or comment!!

droves Fri 02-Nov-12 22:27:07

The other assumption that's often put to me is that my children must be unruly and terrorising the neighbourhood .

Had to laugh ( not really ) ,at someone who was complaining about her son , who's been at the children's panel for his awful behaviour ( a few years ago ) and now he's got to go to court for something .She actually said , " with all your lot , you'll know what hassle you get with social workers and police " . confused .

What do you even reply to something like that ?

lollystix Fri 02-Nov-12 10:03:39

I have 4 (within 5 years) and got asked the other day if they all had the same dad. I was a bit hmm. And then again I got a 'what a shame for you all boys' comment tonight. And then I work FT and have a nanny so according to SIL I 'pay for other people to look after my kids'. I actually work to afford to live (unlike her with her 2 older kids who lived off ex dh and full benefits). People just like to put their own crap onto you. I'm learning to care less and less but strangely the judgement has only come about since I ventured out of the 2 kid territory.

morethanpotatoprints Thu 01-Nov-12 20:02:35

Droves.

There is prejudice everywhere atm, and you are right its sheer propaganda.
I am a sahm out of choice and over the past 10 years or so have had lots of comments from people. I do receive FTC and cb but if all this stopped I'd still be a sahm and we would have to survive as we did before Tax credit. I have 2 older dc and when they were little there wasn't tax credit.

Not everybody is the same though, some people don't judge or have pre conceived ideas.

droves Thu 01-Nov-12 19:54:10

...because of this bloody child benefit slash threat .

At the moment it is perceived that people with larger families are on benefits , scrounging off the state or a drain on society .

My husband works , Im a student who has to pay for tutoring . But previously I worked in the crappiest jobs , doing virtually any job I could get just to look after my children .

Today on here I have read comments in threads again about people having children they can't afford .
At the school I've had similar comments , from a sahm who's actually never worked ( openly admits this btw) .

The most astounding is that I drive the car I do ,because the child benefit must be paying for it . ....Not the case at all .drive the car I do ( which is 8 years old btw) because my husband works very hard ,doing stupidly antisocial hours and We saved some money, instead of going out getting drunk like the idiot woman who was making these comments .

Any child benefit I have received has been spent on the children as morally it should , and I don't see the two kids brigade turning it down for themselves.

This negative propaganda against larger families is insulting ,offensive and downright unfair.

My children are better brought up ,and have better prospects than many of the two-kid only brigade where I live and I totally disgusted that it is implied that I had my children for child benefit FFs.
I had my children because I come from good stock ,so any offspring of mine is increasing the quality of the gene-pool . ( joke) .....no seriously I'd rather have a ten child family of hardworking ,responsible children who grow up to an asset to society instead of 5 two child families that think they are entitled to the latest gadgets and grow up thinking the world owes them an existence , who are rude ,antisocial and never work.

It's propaganda ( fed down from the torys and the daily mail ) . Still makes a change from having a go at the lone parents I suppose .sad

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