We are currently TTC DC3 and wondering about when we continue to keep trying until.
DS is 5.5 and DD is 2.5. They play so well together when the're not beating each other with toys and i really love the age gap between them.
I really want another DC but want to make sure that it workd with our family unit.
I already know that I wouldn't want a really big gap but not sure about 4-5 years. I don't want DC#3 to be left out because DS and DD are closer in age and already have such a strong bond. Am I worrying about nothing?
There is no ideal gap as there are advantages and disadvantages close and short gaps. Growing up there was a seven year gap, which I disliked as a a child as it is like being an only child, so when I had children I didn't want that sort of gap. Between DS1 and DD there is a gap of 21 months, which was hard work, but growing up on days out they both interested in the same sort of activities. However, DD and DS2 there is a gap of 4 years which I loved as the others were at school, and I could really enjoy DS3, but growing up on days out he often had to fit in with what the others were more interested. There can still be a strong bond between children regardless of age as DD was like a little mother to DS2. Younger children tend to grow up quicker as they want to copy the others, which is a shame.
I have a big age gap between my own siblings, which I really don't like. I'm 13yrs older than my only sister, with three brothers in between. So, there is 19, 20, and 22 months between my four. So far they get long on with each other and fight with each other in equal measure. Am hoping the do more getting along this holidays as I am worried dd4 (5 months) will think I only ever shout!
The most problematic sibling rivalry in our family is between DS2 and DS3 - gap 4 years. The other gaps are 12 months between DS1 and DS2, and 2 years between DS3 and DS4.
I agree there are no ideal gaps, more depends on personalities IMO.
The other thing to consider, siblings of any age gap may or may not have much to do with each other as adults, so if I were you, I'd concentrate on whether or not you want another child in your family rather than saying 'Ok, the gap is now too large, we'll stop trying'. My DH is 9 and 11 years younger than his sibs, he had little in common with them the few years that they all lived at home, but has a very good relationship with them as an adult.
My kids are 19, 13 (boys) and 9 (girl). I love my gaps - I have never had to deal with sibling rivalry, they all get on and seem to like each other (better in fact than my sister and I and there was only 2 years between us). In terms of practicalities it has worked well, eg. DH had to go away for work when DD was 6 weeks old and the fact that her big brothers could feed her, watch her while I had bath etc. saved my sanity. I have also had "in house" babysitting for the past six years.
It wouldn't be everyone's ideal mix but it has really worked for us.