Right things to say to friend during IVF

[LeonardaCohen]

Hi there, I hope I'm in the right place for this question.
I have a friend just starting IVF ( she has quite bad endometriosis) and I want to offer her as much support as I can. She lives in Canada so it'll all be by email.

I'm wondering what you have all found helpful / dreadful in how friends have responded to you going through this. Did anyone say or offer anything that helped?
TIA

[johendy]

I'm sure it's different for everyone, but I appreciated the chance to talk about it. So I'd start with the basics - how's it going, how are you feeling, do you want to talk about it, what happens next, etc. and see how much she wants to talk.
I found it to be a fascinating process the first time and was able to talk about the science of it really openly, it made me feel like I was talking control and making something happen. The first time didn't work and I found the second time a lot harder, and tried to downplay it a lot more.
One thing I liked both times was friends dropping me messages which showed they were thinking of me, but ones I didn't feel I had to answer.
Once stimms are under way there are scans every 2 days, which means news to be nervous about every 2 days, then it's daily updates after egg collection, and that's when I really appreciated knowing I wasn't alone.
Emails are great because she can read them when she wants and not have to put on a front like you do face to face sometimes.
Hope its smooth and successful for her.

[Optimism]

Yep, like johendy says, maybe just be there to listen if she wants to talk about it. It's all a bit of an emotional rollercoaster and it's good to have the support of lovely friends at times.

Can I make a 'what not to say' suggestion? Don't ask her if she has thought about adoption a couple of days after embryo transfer when she has just told you she is trying to be really positive and actually thinks it is going work this time...