I feel like crap. Mind if I rant on here?

[Trinpy]

I'm usually posting in conception, but its a bit too fluffy and happy over there for my current mood. Not that I'm saying its all bitterness and misery over here obviously .

I've only been ttc for a year but in that time I've had just 1 cycle where I really felt like I had a chance of actually getting pregnant (I have a lot of trouble ovulating).

I've just got back from seeing my doctor (5th gp I've seen about infertility) and it seems I have to wait another 3 weeks for referral, because the other doctors missed out the day 21 bloods. I got angry, not at her but at everything, and then I got a bit teary. Very embarassing. GP completley failed to see what I was getting upset about; was I depressed? I just about managed to say that it wasn't just about getting pregnant, it was about my body being fucked up. Really didn't want to go into details because I knew I would start sobbing if I did.

My hormones are all over the place and I'm having these crazy mood swings. I have had bad period pains for 2 weeks now and yesterday, when I finally managed to get to cd 1, after finishing a 70-something days long cycle, the pain was so bad I felt like someone had repeatedly punched me in the stomach. I couldn't sleep last night because it hurt so much. Its a lot better today but my whole body is aching and I feel completely drained. I had to bin my pjs yesterday morning because I woke up soaked in blood and they were ruined. Which I know is a silly thing to get upset about but I am.

The messed-up hormones mean my face, chest and back are covered with acne. I can't wear anything with a neckline cut below my collarbone because it shows all the spots. One time I accidently wore a v-neck top to work because I was in a rush and my boss wanted to send me home because she thought I had shingles .

My doctor said that they're unlikely to be too concerned about my infertility at the fertility clinic because I'm only 24, it would be different if I was 41 . What the hell is the point of seeking help early on if no one is that bothered? If I waited until I was 40 I would get judged for 'leaving it too late'.

I have no one irl to talk to about this except dh. No one else seems to understand, not my mum, my best friend, even a colleague who I confided in because I heard she had fertility problems (she told me to go on holiday, relax and forget about it because thats what worked for her. She was trying for 1.5yrs, had very irregular cycles and ended up having non-identical twins - yeah fucking right did she just book a holiday and magically get pregnant).

I know I've only been trying for a year. And I'm only 24. And I know what the problem is and its easy enough to sort out. So I feel like a drama queen to rant here. But I really feel shitty today.

[Trinpy]

Can't believe how long that was! Congratulations if you have managed to reach the end of that.

I have just started laughing thinking about my crazy-hormone-lady outburst at the doc earlier. And then crying. And then laughing. And then crying some more. Oh dear.

[Inthebeginning]

Don't worry about how king your rant is-get it all out!!!!!!!!
From experience I would say they will treat you seriously, for a 70 day cycle there is obviously something wrong whether your 24 or 40 so ignore that. I was 27 when I fest went.
If it were me I would be looking for (yet another ) gp. They can refer you whilst they do tests as something is wrong. Also I wold make sure you write everything Down. All dates of cycles etc. get your dp in and tested. Make sure you have print outs of all test results as ours couldn't find my husbands results.
Good look trinpy and post whenever you want too.

[SlimJimBra]

It sounds to me like pcos - have you had a diagnosis at all? If it's pcos then the treatment will most likely be clomid, which is a drug that makes you ovulate. Tha means you will have predictable cycles and stand a good chance of falling of as you will know when you ovulate. Get to see the fertility specialist and it should all happen fairly easily from there. The fertility doctor will put you through the system, with further tests to check for any blockages in your tubes or any endometriosis. I've been through it all and although it feels a bit 'production line' to be sent through all the tests etc it is a good thing as you are finally in the care of those who are in a position to help you. Best of luck, ask any questions if what I've said doesn't make sense :)

[SlimJimBra]

How much research have you done about possible cases of your long/ non-ovulating cycles? I am only going by your symptoms you've written here and have no medical knowledge, just what I've picked up along the way of being wrongly diagnosed with many different reasons for my infertility.

[SlimJimBra]

Falling of = falling pg (sorry didn't proof read)

[Trinpy]

Thank you for replying!

I've done a LOT of research into this. I could have PCOS because I have bad acne caused by hormones, have very irregular cycles and I get strong or positive test lines on opks all through my cycle. I don't really have a problem with excess hair, unless I'm wildly underestimating how hairy women should be! I am very slim - though I know many women with PCOS are slim. There is no history of PCOS in my family - in fact all the women in my family have perfect cycles and fall pregnant easily. I had normal cycles before I went onthe pill - but I was only 19 and I know PCOS sometimes doesn't show up until late teens/early twenties.

Very good to hear that they will take me seriously when I get the referral. I really hope that the specialists will be more understanding. None of the gps I've been to seem to believe me when I tell them I know exactly when I ovulate. The one I saw this morning said 'yes, but you don't know that you're not ovulating because you could be and just not having periods!' Thats when I got a bit pissed off and told her that actually, I know exactly when I ovulate and I know I'm not doing it. She also told me I should stop stressing out because that would stop me from ovulating but, tbh, I don't care anymore. This might be true normally, but in my case it doesn't make any difference what I do, so I don't see what the point is. I would rather stress and make a fuss right now as thats the only way I've been able to get anything done about this so far.

I have been making notes in the back of my diary of all my cycles, when they start, when I ovulated, and when they ended, plus if they were annovulatory/delayed ovulation/any spotting/etc. I've also recorded everything on a fertilityfriend chart for reference, starting from the day before I first ovulated post bc. I have copies of all my tests to date and have sent photocopies to the new doctor. DH has had bloods taken and a SA, which we are still waiting for the results of.

GP said that there's no point referring me before the day 21 test because the clinic will reject it straight away, it will take 3 weeks for the rejection letter to come through and then we will have to appeal it, so it will be quicker to just wait.

[SlimJimBra]

But after a year of ttc (or ftc) the gp's job is to refer you to the specialist. all the gp is doing by doing the day 21 bloods ( which iirc need to be looked at alongside day 1,2,or 3 bloods) is helping the specialist by doing one of the time consuming tests first. I'm afraid my memory of it is a bit hazy - a few years back I could have recited every detail but now it's all behind me I think my memory has selectively erased most of the heartache. ( I hope that doesn't sound smug - when ftc myself I hated smug 'sucessful' advisors. I meant it to apologise for my vagueness and to give you a bit of hope that one day this will be a distant memory, even though you are living every minute of it right now.)

[Trinpy]

You don't need to explain yourself, you don't sound smug at all.

I had day 1-3 tests done mid cycle because my previous gp said there was no point wasting time waiting for my period to come (since I so rarely have them) and it was more about ticking boxes so I could get the referral. Its mad because it doesn't get us anywhere so it's a waste of all of our time.

Really good to speak to others who have been through this and got a positive outcome .

[Happilymarried155]

Trinpy I had a similar problem, I'm 25 been ttc for 2 years now, went to the doctor after a year and she refused to refer me because I was young and had loads of time yet. I tried to fight my corner but she wasn't having any of it. Fast forward three depressive months I went to see a male doctor, he said given my age I should have conceived by now and refered me straight away.
At the fertility clinic they did all the tests and said I was fine and sent me away for a further 6 months :( thought I was going to have a breakdown, 6 months had gone by and I have my next fertility appointment in a few weeks and I will not be sent away again!!
Can you try seeing a different gp? The age thing is so annoying, just because your young it doesn't mean you want it any less or it is any more emotionally draining. Good luck! :)

[Trinpy]

Thanks Happily! God, that sounds rough. It must be really frustrating to not be able get pregnant and have everyone refuse to help you.

The thing is, this doctor is the 5th I've seen since starting ttc. I actually changed surgeries to see her because I had been under the impression that she would help me straight away. I'm wondering whether I should bother waiting a week to see whether I ovulate or if I should just pretend I didn't ov again and have the test done now so I can get my referral asap.