Feel like giving up, Ivf failure

(8 Posts)
Kannet Tue 11-Dec-12 19:18:14

Thank you everyone. I am feeling much better today, DH and I are going to see my consultant on Friday, hopefully they can suggest. Something different which may work next time. Fingers crossed

Isabeller Tue 11-Dec-12 14:26:39

Dear Kannet you remind me of my mixed feelings a long time ago when a second cycle IVF attempt went so badly it was not realistically possible to try again. It may have contributed to my marriage ending a few years later but I can't be sure.

To my surprise the feeling of constant bereavement, although very long lasting, was not permanent and I eventually felt some distance and peace with how things had turned out. Then I met DP who was desperate to be a dad and, with some trepidation, I am about to start treatment again.

I am anxious about the emotional strain you describe. There can be an Alice Through the Looking Glass experience with all this where the destination is in sight but no matter how careful we are at each crossroads we end up heading in the opposite direction...

No solutions or advice but some empathy and thanks x

highlove yes I did do things differently, a mix of woo and science.

I gave up alcohol for 3 months before. No partying, nothing, except for one night off for my birthday when I had a few glasses of wine.

No coffee or tea. I went to an acupuncturist and he advised me to drink a mug of plain hot water mornings and evenings, to warm the stomach meridien/energy line which is linked to the womb.

Acupuncture and massage. It helped me relax if nothing else.

ICSI. Although there was nothing wrong with sperm count and nothing visibly wrong with my eggs, my eggs don't like letting the swimmers in, so we paid extra for ICSI and my 10% fertilisation rate shot up to 90%. This gave us more eggs (16) to play with and we got 4 to blastocyst. Anything you can do to get to blastocyst increases your chances of success significantly to something like 50% instead of the usual 10-25%.

Good luck to everyone trying again. IVF is hard, it is draining, it is stressful, but when it works and you get your miracle it is worth every tear shed.

highlove Tue 11-Dec-12 08:19:42

Hi Kannet, I'm really sorry to hear your cycle failed. I found out about a month ago my first cycle had failed. It's really shit. I'm still gutted but I don't feel nearly as desolate and hopeless as I did in the first few days. I was also thinking whether I could do it again. I'm now definite I can and we're going to have a couple of months to get ourselves back together and will go again in march. For now I would say be really gentle with yourself and if you're not ready to think about next time then don't for now. But do try and get an appt with your clinic to review what you might do differently IF you go again. That appt did help me see that it wasn't all pointless.

KnackeredcCow and worldgonecrazy - lovely stories, congratulations both. Did you do anything differently on the successful cycle?

KnackeredCow Mon 10-Dec-12 20:51:16

So sorry to read your post. Couldn't read and run. It brought back some sad memories. I had a very early miscarriage / biochemical almost exactly a year ago following our first IVF. Miscarried on 17th December 2011.

In 2012, we went on to attempt a frozen transfer, but our embryo failed to thaw. Then we had a further two fresh cycles. The most recent was in June. Today I'm almost 28 weeks with twins.

Just wanted to give you some hope. Just because it hasn't worked this time doesn't mean it won't one day. Not that that makes it any easier to accept. Be kind to yourself, rest and in time you will start to feel a bit better and perhaps ready to try again.

It's perfectly okay to feel like this - we build our hopes up with IVF and it is cruel when it doesn't work.

Have the consultants learned anything useful in this cycle that will make your next cycle more likely to succeed?

Your husband is right that you should try and relax over Christmas. Who knows, maybe next year you will get your miracle? It took me 3 attemps to get a beautiful daughter, so I know how heartbreaking it is when it doesn't work.

Be gentle to yourself.

HoHoHokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Mon 10-Dec-12 15:54:07

I am so sorry i have no wise words of wisdom but i couldn't read and run.

Unmumsnetty hugs to you xx

Kannet Mon 10-Dec-12 15:52:27

So the title says it all. Found out today that Ivf failed, I was hoping for a Christmas miracle. My husband keeps saying don't worry, relax over Christmas and we will try again next year, but I am struggling , I just can't face it all again, especially as it feels like its all for nothing.

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