this teacher 'running away' with a 15 year old story

(117 Posts)
germyrabbit Thu 27-Sep-12 21:08:19

why on earth is it such a big story?? i know she is underage but he is hardly kidnapping her.

Just read she only turned 15 in June! She is a long way from 16 and consensual age

Moanranger Mon 01-Oct-12 16:42:39

A couple of things haven't been mentioned. My perspective - my DD now 20 went through a very hormonal stage at 14; some internet grooming occurred and DP & myself dived in to put a stop to it - not with an adult, but an older boy. I think 14-15 is a very vulnerable age - bodies mature but minds are not. My outrage at this story is that while it was going on, school were suspicious but parents not informed. I believe school confronted them in May. This I find completely unacceptable and parents should have been informed immediately. When we had the above issues with DD, police actually confiscated her PC & mobile and investigated the groomer. At a certain point during this time I had a very direct conversation with DD and one of her clueless classmates about their lack of emotional maturity. That is something a hormonal teenager doesn't understand until they actually have it - much later in life. I hope that school is sued up one side and down the other by the family.

lovechoc Mon 01-Oct-12 09:19:00

If you're going to abduct a child you may as well commit theft and fraud whilst you're at it. go the whole hog.

Fishwife1949 Mon 01-Oct-12 08:02:05

Also one last point she is in GCSE year and most likey he has runied any chance of her doing well she wont be able to attaned the school she was at nor any in the local area

And due to the press most likey her whole family will have to move chance are she will get a big fat U in her exams if she takes them at all

Fishwife1949 Mon 01-Oct-12 08:00:23

chipmonkey and lets not forget he knows her dad as they used to work togethr this is not a case of man meeting a girl he belived to be 18

Fishwife1949 Mon 01-Oct-12 07:58:41

Just read he stole his wifes passport ad passed of megan as jhsi wife in order to get into france

Dear lord so not only did he abduct a 15 year old possibly have sex with her, abuse his postion he also has commited FRAUD and THEFT

mathanxiety Mon 01-Oct-12 05:24:43

They are not a lot more grown up now than they were before. They are every bit as vulnerable as they have ever been to predators. The proof of that is that they fall victim to predators and take off to France with them despite the fact that the predators are married, will need to work in order to keep a roof over their heads, etc., they believe boys when they tell them they love them and end up having babies, in droves, and can't believe it when the boy moves on and there they are saddled with a baby and no prospects. The only people who could possibly believe in Luv to the extent those unfortunate 15 year olds do are children who still believe in fairy tales. Because that is what they are.

chipmonkey Sun 30-Sep-12 23:09:32

But, lovechoc, this guy was her teacher. She does look older in some photos but when he first clapped his eyes on her, she was probably in her school uniform. And he knew full well how young she was.

lovechoc Sun 30-Sep-12 20:23:57

My first thoughts when I saw it on TV were 'statutory rape', but it's still not been disclosed what happened between the pair of them although I'm sure most of us can speculate as much as we want to...

lovechoc Sun 30-Sep-12 20:22:42

Get off your high horse please, KRITIQ because you've deliberately misinterpreted my comments and do not think any teenager should be attacked (that goes for teen boys as well, btw).

lovechoc Sun 30-Sep-12 20:21:41

thank youwetthemogwai - at least someone knew the path I was going down! hmm

No, I don't think any teenage girl should be taken advantage of if she wears make up or not, but my point was that just seeing her photo on the TV did not show a girl who would typically look like a 15 year old (or my own opinion of what a 15 yo should look like, but times really have changed it seems!). Her hair and face was beautifully done, very mature looking for a teenage girl so her appearance could easily be mistaken for her being an older woman. DH said should could easily have passed for a lot older.

Wetthemogwai Sun 30-Sep-12 20:14:41

I think maybe lovechoc means (and by all means correct me if I'm wrong) that some people underestimate 15 year olds now, they're all different of course but a lot of them are far more grown up than 'we were'. This doesn't excuse it at all but if she was a mature 15 and he's a young 30 (I heard his solicitor say that today) then mentally there may not have been such a big difference between them

KRITIQ Sun 30-Sep-12 20:10:51

Lovechoc, why should it matter whether the photos you've seen depict her as "looking older" than you think a 15 year old should? Whatever she looked like on the outside, she's still a 15 year old child emotionally, psychologically and socially. Are you suggesting that because you think she "looks" more mature, the teacher's actions are, I dunno, somehow more excusable?

FreddieMercuryforQueen Sun 30-Sep-12 20:09:48

So?

lovechoc Sun 30-Sep-12 19:58:37

When DH and myself saw the 15 yo on TV, the picture of her, she looked NOTHING like a 15 yo. Her face was full of make-up, she could easily have passed as an 17 or 18 yo, tbh. Girls seem to be very grown up these days. Growing up far too quickly IMO.

Yes, one of the biggest problems with these older-man/younger woman relationships (when the woman is 16 or over but much younger than the man) is that he considers himself her teacher and her superior, and it nearly always goes horribly wrong when she grows up enough to start asserting herself and wants a relationship of equals. It's the ones where that doesn't happen that are likely to be valid, loving relationships.

KRITIQ Sat 29-Sep-12 21:57:27

Purple, I've known a few stories not unlike yours where it's not as simple as "happy ever after. I've been aghast at many comments on the internets this past week insisting he was "silly" but not bad, that theirs is a sweet story of love and they should be left alone (and the worst ones, assuming she some how seduced and let him astray because that's what teen temptresses do you see.)

This article in the Guardian gives a bit more realistic picture of what often happens next when an adult in a position of responsibility and power abuses that trust by embarking on a sexual relationship with a young person in their care. I wish all those people caught up in their Romeo and Juliet fantasies could be forced to read this.

purplewednesday Sat 29-Sep-12 18:12:50

When I was 16, in 1985, I began a relationship with my 30 year old youth club leader.

My Mum was horrified and tried to point out it was an abuse of a trusting teacher -pupil relationship.

Of course, I couldn't see this.

To cut a very long story short;

We lived together as soon as I was 18 and got married when I was 22. It seemed the natural progression for me. A few years later I tried to end the relationship and the emotional blackmail started. We eventually divorced 10 years after we had got together, but I have been labelled as the Bad Guy because I left For No Good Reason.

The intoroduction of the law criminalising this in 2003 was a good thing.

Poor Megan probably has fallen hook line and sinker for him but he will have had the life expereince to know how to persuade her (also known as grooming). He may think he is in love but the whole situation is very wrong. He probably has some Peter Pan thing going on - dosn't want to grow up and still thinks he is a teenager.

I feel very sorry for his wife. She must be going through hell.

exoticfruits Sat 29-Sep-12 13:49:52

Very true -Hulababy.

Hulababy Sat 29-Sep-12 13:45:22

Even well rounded, happy and non neglected teenagers can fall for being groomed. The fact that she fell for this man's fantasy and agreed to runaway does not mean she has to have had any sort of unhappy home life. I think at the moment it is unfair to point the finger towards the girls family. Maybe more will come out as time goes on, but it is dangerous to think this can only happen to neglected or unhappy children. It sadly can happen in any family.

exoticfruits Sat 29-Sep-12 07:28:16

I rather imagine that they were both in the bubble of a fantasy world and caught up in the 'romance' - some excuse for a 14 year old but none for a 30yr old teacher.

mathanxiety Sat 29-Sep-12 02:59:03

I would imagine that with the best will in the world a 15 year old English girl would have a hard time finding a phone and making a call from France, maybe with no Euros, maybe without enough French to speak to an operator, and I would say her phone had possibly died and she had no way of charging it as electricity is different on the continent. And that's before any suspicions that she was prevented from contacting her family or friends by Forrest, or prevented from leaving his sight.

Reddwarf: While lightning can strike and all that, it sounds like this girl was 'groomed' by the teacher for quite a long time. Which does at least suggest that she was feeling a bit neglected and deprived of attention at home, for her to have fallen for it. And the way the parents' appeal was framed as 'We are suffering horribly, get in contact' does sort of suggest that they might have been a bit more concerned with their own feelings than hers all along.

Animation Fri 28-Sep-12 18:25:54

Reddwarf - I think rather than take it personally - you'd have to try and get your mind off yourself and understand what she's been through - the whole experience from her shoes, and resolve to be be patient and focus on giving her the love and support she needs. She was the victim here and will be distressed and damaged to some extent - and needs time to recover.

It's not the time to be 'hurt'.

reddwarf Fri 28-Sep-12 17:38:32

I'm not. I would want the book throwing at him. But my dc know how much i worry if they are half an hour late home. I assume they could get an inkling of thenterror and distress their disappearance would cause.

The blame for the situation lies with him. But to not even get word out that she was ok is just terrible. While i think i would totally blame him, i think i would also be very hurt and angry that she didn't even let me know she was ok. This is just a hunch. Unless you experience that situation i guess you'd never know how you would feel. There's no way of knowing if he tried to prevent her calling. The news report i heard was that they were strolling along hand in hand when they were apprehended, so the dream wasn't over for them yet.

I can get that he is totally to blame for the situtation, running away with a kid is just unforgiveable. But does she not have any responsibility whatsoever for any of her behaviour or her choices? Kids from the age of 10 are deemed to know the difference between right and wrong in law. She must have known not to call was very wrong.

Otoh, she was clearly messed up and unhappy to run off with a man twice her age in the first place. Goodness only knows how messed up and angry she!s going to be now sad

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