this teacher 'running away' with a 15 year old story

(117 Posts)
germyrabbit Thu 27-Sep-12 21:08:19

why on earth is it such a big story?? i know she is underage but he is hardly kidnapping her.

sittinginthesun Thu 27-Sep-12 22:34:05

This story has really reminded me of school. We had a teacher who left the school when we were 16. A couple of years later, he appeared again as my friend's new husband.hmm

Another teacher (female this time) apparently had affairs with two sixth form boys. She got drunk at a sixth form party and confessed all.

Not good. I remember thinking that I was still very much a child at 16, and the thought of any relationship with a teacher was just terrifying.

Legally it is abduction.

exoticfruits Thu 27-Sep-12 22:35:44

I do get fed up with the double standard- boys are just as vulnerable.

Lifeispainless Thu 27-Sep-12 22:36:27

I meant there would be more of an uproar if it was 15 year old boy.

There wouldn't be any comments about the boy being possibly responsible or mature enough.

SevenYearBitch Thu 27-Sep-12 22:40:35

i find it difficult. i have a 15 yr old dd and i met my DH when i was 15.....i cant help thinking this is the wrong thing to do - this is not going to bring them home if the threat of him being locked up for abduction is hanging over them.

we were discussing this at work yesterday.

one very sensible woman asked me if it were my DD would i want her to bring home a 30 year old professional man or an 18 yr old drug dealer.....

got me thinking.

and i met dh when i was 15. been married 21 years, 22 next year. he was technically and adult - i was technically a child.

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere Thu 27-Sep-12 22:42:02

Why do you even need to start this thread?

She is 15. A child.
He is twice her age, a man in a position of power and trust.
She is his pupil.

Her parents are distraught. They do not know where their daughter is.

What are you so surprised about?

Fucking minimising abuse yet again.

Evolve.

exoticfruits Thu 27-Sep-12 22:45:34

The gender doesn't matter - an adult was abusing his position of trust.

CommunistMoon Thu 27-Sep-12 22:49:39

V honest post, SevenYearBitch. Wouldn't have risked the flaming myself.

SevenYearBitch Thu 27-Sep-12 22:54:15

ah, see thats why i keep namechangin!
its true. im just saying what my truth is, and how i would feel about my DD, how i acted at 15.
i was not promiscuous - my DH was my one and only. being 15 does not mean you are not capable of big life decisions. being 30 does not mean you arent.

VintageEbonyGold Thu 27-Sep-12 22:55:17

No adult should be shagging children, end of

A child has been abducted and removed from, not only her family but her country. The same coverage happens for all children abducted

If they've had a sexual relationship he will also be a pedophile and should be banned from working with children/put on the sex offenders register

People making excuses is a sad reflection of the culture we live in where children are frequently being reported as prostituted by adults

Children are not fuck toys for adults

VintageEbonyGold Thu 27-Sep-12 22:55:35

No adult should be shagging children, end of

A child has been abducted and removed from, not only her family but her country. The same coverage happens for all children abducted

If they've had a sexual relationship he will also be a pedophile and should be banned from working with children/put on the sex offenders register

People making excuses is a sad reflection of the culture we live in where children are frequently being reported as prostituted by adults

Children are not fuck toys for adults

SevenYearBitch Thu 27-Sep-12 22:59:29

just what if he is not sleeping with her? DH did not touch me, i was 15, he was 21.
he was a gent. perfect gent.
i still more or less lived with him from the age of 15 to now......he did not touch me until i was very much legal....we got engaged at 17.

at 15 i was homeless, at home i was abused. i very much was a young head on old shoulders and i knew what i wanted.

i think the mass generalisations are not going to help regards this case. This is not going to bring them home.
is it?

she clearly thinks she loves him. why would she contact her family knowing hte moment she does, he could be arrested?

id go to ground in her shoes.

SevenYearBitch Thu 27-Sep-12 23:00:06

*old head on young shoulders i mean.....doh!

Vintage he isn't a paedophile. She's 15 and has gone through puberty. Paedophilia is Pre-pubescent children not just someone under tha age of consent.

Yeah, I'm sure you're right, he must be a lovely bloke, to go off with her leaving her parents mad with worry, while he's in a position of authority over her and she's underage.

Honestly, seven, I'm sorry you had that experience but you cannot excuse his actions. Think about how her parents must feel.

chipmonkey Thu 27-Sep-12 23:05:23

SevenYear, you were a child when you met your dh. You and plenty of other 15 year olds may think that they are savvy and streetwise but they are still children

As to your "sensible woman" asking if you'd rather have your 15 year old dd bring home a professional 30 year old man or an 18 year old drug dealer, well isn't that like asking if you'd rather eat poison or break a leg? I would hope that a 15 year old girl would do neither!

My ds1 is 16, my ds2 is almost 14. I check that they are eating properly, insist on knowing where they are at all times and make sure they do their homework/study. Because they are children. They don't think they're children, they think they're coolness personified and I'm a fuddy-duddy who knows nothing but legally they can't have sex ( we're in Ireland so higher age of consent) drink alcohol or smoke. Laws there to protect children.

SevenYearBitch Thu 27-Sep-12 23:05:34

i am. really i am - my dd is the same age.
if she was seeing a man, any man, and felt she had to run away i would be devastated.

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere Thu 27-Sep-12 23:05:57

I was 15, he was 27.

It was not a happy ending.

Does that balance out your story Seven?

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere Thu 27-Sep-12 23:08:32

An 18 year old drug dealer or a 30 year old professional man?
So an young man who may well pull himself out of the dealing of drugs (that hey - lets face it, that 30 year old professional may be snarfing like there is no tomorrow), or a 30 year fully adult male who still prefers to 'go out with' children half his age.

Ummm, I reckon I would take my chances with gansta bwoy .

SevenYearBitch Thu 27-Sep-12 23:09:19

my DH cared for me way more than my so called parents.

we are together 22 years later. we have 2 children. we are both professionals.

at 15 i was not a "child" - i had live through more at 15 than most do in a lifetime. thats just a fact and is my truth, dh did not abuse me, he did not even try to touch me, we were in our late teens when we had sex, got married.

all i am saying is that everyone is assuming the absolute worst, and in doing this, and issuing arrest warrants, they are giving this couple absolutely no choice in coming forward if they want to be together.

they are pushing them futher and further underground. putting aside the morality issue - is this going to help in any way at all??

chipmonkey Thu 27-Sep-12 23:13:12

Seven, I'm glad it worked out well for you, I truly am.
But even when I heard that my 17 year old cousin was dating a 25 year old man, I was suspicious of his motives and so were my aunt and uncle. Abusive men often prey on younger, more vulnerable women.

The guy is her teacher. He was in a position of trust and had been grooming the girl, this had been going on since she was 14. Her newly married teacher. Giving her extra "maths lessons" Bleurgh!

Well, this is a serious abuse of power by a man who is either a predator or utterly, utterly immature and weak (ie stupid enough to consider the relationship one of 'star-crossed lovers' himself rather than having cynically groomed her and gutless enough to think that running away with her is the best solution).

You are not this girl. Do you know her? Or her parents? Or him?

Can you be sure that he's a 'perfect gent' (to use your words)? It seems unlikely given he has taken her out of the country and her parents don't know where she is.

Yes, it is going to help to be very clear that men preying on underage girls isn't ok. No matter how grown up they feel or how often one person insists on saying 'oh, well, it was fine for me so it must be ok for everyone!'

If you survived a fall off a ten-storey building, would you ask us all to jump, too?

7YearBitch: I'm glad your story had a happy ending, but part of the reason for that might well be that your DH was only 6 years older than you rather than twice your age, and that he was prepared to wait and give you space and time to grow up a bit.

chipmonkey Thu 27-Sep-12 23:16:19

But what would you suggest they do, Seven?

Do you think the police should just let things go. Tell her parents "Let's just wait till they come home "
If I were in her parents position, I'd be beside myself and hoping the police would be pulling out all the stops to find my daughter.

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