Autonomous/unschooling advice please?

[siblingrivalry]

Hi,
I am new to HE and still finding my feet. DD1 has SN and had a traumatic time at school and is still suffering from anxiety and low self-esteem.

As we have started to do a bit of 'work' eg looking at numeracy problems,she literally looks terrified and I can see the shutters coming down. After reading Holts 'How Children Learn' the penny has dropped and I now realise dd needs a much more 'relaxed' approach.

I am the sort of person who prefers structure eg following a curriculum, but for dd's sake am more than willing to rethink my choices.
So,I am wondering if anyone else follows an autonomous method of HE? If so, please could you give me an idea of how your days pan out?

Many thanks in advance

[rooftop]

Hi siblingrivalry,
my ds needed about 6 months of being away from school before he was remotely interested in any 'learning' The period of time needed to deschool/recover varies with each child.
I panicked initially and tried to do a little learning most days. This was my need, not my child's !! It is extremely scary to not 'teach' your child and like you I needed some structure to reassure myself that he wasn't going to end up without knowing Maths/Literacy as a minimum !!!
Gradually, as I read and met HE'rs I began to relax. I became only mildly panicked if he played on his console for 3/4 hrs, as opposed to being on the verge of hysteria !!!
Two years on and my ds loves going online to do maths (he chooses which maths) We go to some History and Science workshops with other HE'rs (all practical, no writing)
I still fight with myself occasionally that he is not 'doing' enough but thankfully I resist the urge to get out the workbooks !!!!
My son often surprises me with a piece of information to which I ask "where did you learn that?"
There is no right or wrong way to HE --- only what's right for your child. I believe that some children just need space 'to be' I found it useful to read lots of HE Blogs , it reassured me that lots of children appear to spend lots of time doing nothing whilst actually processing all sorts of 'stuff'
Reading (anything) to my child was invaluable. He loved the comfort of cuddling up and not having to 'do' anything whilst I felt that I was 'doing' something !!!
Our days have little structure now. DS is learning to play drums and piano, he has recently taken up art and drama and is keen to explore biology ang chemistry in the form of dissection !!! I spend time answering questions as they arise and try very hard not to make a project out of each topic of interest !!! Next week we are looking at swear words and their origins !!!
You will get lots of experienced wisdom on here and other lists. Enjoy this time with your DD xxx

[julienoshoes]

No day is the same for me siblingrivalry!
Depends entirely on what dd wants to do, or if she has something externally booked in that she wants to do.
This week she has a singing lesson on Monday and Guitar and Piano lessons on Wednesday.
Sunday she has a audition for a theatre production.
Apart from those commitments she is free to choose, what she would like to do during the week.

If you'd like more insight you can find us on a A month in the life of....... blog where different families blog about how home education works for them, with their child/ren who has/have SEN. I am Ann from Worcestershire there. Names were changed at the children's request at the time, but dd is much more relaxed about it nowadays.
I blogged for a month at a time, on two occasions.
I haven't updated it for a while but it will give you an idea of how we settled into our home education maybe, and how it has developed as we have gone along.

Hope that helps.

[siblingrivalry]

Thanks, both of you -and thanks for the link julie. I definitely need to read up on some blogs, so that I stop panicking whether we are doing 'enough'.

I just had a chat with dh about unschooling and he is in agreement -amazing considering he was anti-HE until the end of last year. His support will make it easier for me. Even though he has never asked what we have done through the day -unless to be politely interested!- I felt the need to sort of justify why we hadn't done x, y,z. I have told him that there will be days when dd seems to do nothing but play on her laptop or read magazines/listen to music, but that she will still be learning all the time.

Rooftop, as a squeamish veggie, I really don't envy you the dissections -although dd would love to find the origins of swear words!

Thanks again. I am determind to relax and enjoy this time

[milou2]

! at the 50,000 episodes of star trek. And the let's go caving!!!!

Mine is doing all the challenges on COD4. I'm amazed at how many there are and how determined he is. And how little oxygen he gets...arrgghh.

I'm the one gnashing her teeth because I want to be at HE meetups every day of the week and I can't because DS2 isn't into those sort of social events.

I'm so glad you are able to see the terror on your child's face. Thank goodness it shows and you can act on it by backing off totally.

DS2 stood there with shock and horror on his face when I asked him to read out to him fairly early on. So I dropped the idea. Now, many months on, he reads out comments he has made online under youtube clips and greetings he sends to other gamers on COD4. Sometimes he asks me how to spell a word, so I tell him, then carry on being bored at not going out to HE meetings!!!

I'm nearly bored enough to go and do some artwork of my own or plant seeds in my little garden or meditate. I haven't quite got there yet. I could even read some poetry or do some sewing, or face the issue of taking my older one out of school.

See, he's into autonomy, but I'm still flapping around. Mind you I have booked onto an evening course on how to deal with autism and sexuality, anything to get me out to meet other friendly adults

Mumsnet and my online groups keep me going.

[2kidzandi]

Milou2, I thought it was just me pulling my hair out because ds doesn't want to go the HE groups! I'm actually starting to put on weight because i'm not zipping around as much as I used to. Skirts don't fit anymore and I look 4 months pregnant every "monthly." I'm praying he becomes more sociallably happy SOON. Until then clearing out the thorny blackberry brambles in my garden is actually looking like an enjoyable act of leisure time!

[siblingrivalry]

Riven, she is 8. I just know (but can't explain it!) that she will not learn the traditional way. She is still really traumatised from her school experience, where she was badly let down, so I am treating her very gently. It's good to hear your positive experiences.

Milou, my entire social life is centered around the on-line groups I belong to and my email contacts! Glad I am not alone.

2kidz,my dd isn't interested in the social meet-ups either. I can't blame my weight gain on that, though - more likely due to my over-consumption of chocolate every night