OK, What do you do when.....

[pygmyangel]

You've thought long and hard about home education for your DS aged 6 1/2, year 2, done lots of research, spoken to relatives etc, then asked DS's opinion and he says 'I don't want to leave school because I enjoy it and i'll miss my friends'. Just been helping him with his maths homework and can't help but think the school's not really teaching him very well as i've just had to go through the basics again.
We had quite a long talk about this the other day and i'm not sure if I should just make the decision and put my foot down, allow him to stay in school so he can see his friends or try to persuade him that home ed's a good option.
Stll very unsure - any help would be greatly appreciated.

[AMumInScotland]

Personally, I would leave him in school if he's happy there and there are no specific problems. It's not unusual to have to go over things a number of times before they click, whether that's in school or home ed, so I don't think (from what you've put in the OP) that school is "failing" him.

If you'd decided before he started school, then I'd say it would be completely your decision as he would have nothing to compare, but if he's done 2 1/2 years of school and wants to continue, then I think he has a right to have his opinion taken into consideration. If the school was terible, or there were other significant issues which convinced you he was suffering/being harmed by it, then over-ruling his opinion would be justified, but just because you have changed your mind seems a minor reason for disrupting him.

(I HE my 15 yo, but only for the last 2 years - that was very much his decision, though I can see that a 6yo and a 13yo should have different amounts of influence over these choices.)

[lindenlass]

Hmm...difficult one. I would respect their wishes at the end of the day, but do my best to persuade them otherwise. Could you maybe start meeting up with other HEors that you could make friends with over a few weeks/months with a view to having a good social network for your DS outside of school so he might be less concerned about leaving his friends?

[cory]

If a 6-year-old was happy in the place where he is educated (whether at home or at school) and enjoying his friends, then I personally would say that he is learning something essential. In many countries, a child this young would only just be entering formal education.

Tbh even if you were home educating you might well find that you had to go over the basics with him again and again; it is not just about the quality of teaching but as much about his maturity.

I can't tell whether you should HE or not, but personally I would make the decision over something bigger than whether he's sussed his maths out at age 6 or not.

It would also be worth thinking about how you would compensate the social side if you did withdraw him from school. Giving him the message that academic results are all-important is surely not what you want to do. Of course there are lots of ways in which you can ensure that a home educated child gets a full and satisfying social experience- I would think more about those than about his maths.

I had a slightly different decision as dd was suffering from immense chronic pain and finding it physically difficult to attend school. She was older (10/11) so naturally able to have more of an input in the decision, but said very much the same as your ds. I decided that if the social side of her school life meant so much to her that she was willing to purchase that with daily pain, then it probably was important.

With a 6-year-old it would be a different kind of decision process, but I agree with MuminScotland that it is harder to withdraw him when he has started and is happy. Given the particular circumstances, I think there is a risk that he might feel that he is being punished because he's not doing well enough at school.

[musicposy]

I'd leave him there. I'm the biggest ever fan of home ed and I second what MuminScotland says about it would be different if he's never been to school.

I'd say it's highly unlikely he will go all thorugh school and never come to a point where he might want to try something else, so I'd bide your time. My 12 year old was very unhappy and bullied in school in Year 5, but she just would not come out. I tried and tried to persuade her, we even did home ed for a short while, but she said she hated it and missed her schoolfriends. But I think it sowed the idea in her mind that there was another way and now she is home educated and loving it. So I'd just wait a bit if he is really, truly happy - being happy is the one important thing in my opinion.

[terramum]

Does he have a good idea of what HE will entail? Has he met any HE children or been to any meetings or trips with other HE families for instance? If the answer is no, then imo he doesn't have enough information to answer your question....very hard for a child that young to visiualise what HE would be like without some practical experince.

[terramum]

sorry for horrific spelling ...juggling my 4.5 yr old

[HSMM]

Similar situation with my DD. Only knowledge discussed outside school is what we have taught her. She was having a long debate with my Mum the other day about cave men and Mum asked her if they had done a project at school and she said "Oh no. I did it with Mummy". School reports say she is excelling in Maths and Literacy - yes, I know - I taught her .... But she loves school and she is still getting something out of it. I am starting to question how much value it has for the amount of time it takes up ... but we'll see.

[pygmyangel]

Thanks for all the replys. I think we're going to try getting in touch with some local HE families and see how often they meet up with others and what they do. I know if he's happy I should probably leave him where he is but the more I think about it and the more points other people raise the more HE seems like a good idea. We're probably going to be moving to Northampton soon for DP's job (he's already there and coming home at weekends) so that point may be a good oportunity to try HE since DS is going to have to leave his friends anyway.

[cory]

Just be aware that you will most likely have similar experiences when home educating him: periods when his understanding seems to stand still and you are having to go through things that you could have sworn that he understood several months ago. That is called being a child.

Home educators can of course choose to be flexible and work with what he wants to do.

[Runnerbean]

Although the decision is a very personal one to each and every one of us, this in my experience.

I de registered my dd when she was 7.
She seemed very happy at school, had lots of friends and was top of her class.
BUT
Lots of things about school and her education troubled me, my gut instinct told me there may be another way.
I researched HE and decided to go for it, (although is NO easy decision).
My dd wasn't convinced and took some persuading, but she too was worried about losing her friends.
2.5 years later, she still has her best friend from school who she sees regularly PLUS she has heaps more friends than before and so do I!
I ask her regularly if she wants to return to school, we are debating secondary at present, and she always says "no way!"
She loves HE and the freedom it gives her.

Plus it's not a permanent one, if she wants to go later on she can. She knows she is very lucky to have that choice!