3.5 year dd is being picked on in home ed groups,

[ultraviolet11]

Please tell me if I'm being previous about my dd.
I have always wanted to Hed so in the last few months started networking and joining local hed groups. All was going really well I really enjoy the company of the mums and look forward to meet ups. However in last few meet ups I've noticed my dd 3.5 being left out of games and things. I initially just brushed it off. But at our hed meet up today she was in tears as the other girls wouldn't play with her and kept running away from her. So I just started playing with her and noticed a couple if the girls whispering everytime she went near them. I asked dd after a bit if she wanted to play with them and she said no they will just run away. It's mainly 2 girls but they have younger siblings who are also joining in. Dd was upset on the way home as well. The girls are aged 6 to 8 but dd is a mature 3.5 and tends to play with older kids. Should I mention this to the mothers of the girls? Or is this just how kids are and I should ignore it? I don't want to make a big issue but at the same time I'm considering not going next week.

[ultraviolet11]

precious not previous.

[CocktailQueen]

I wouldn't worry about home ed groups at the moment and concentrate on playgroups where your dd can play with children of a similar age. Sounds like she might be annoying the other kids, who are older than she is.

[neolara]

I think it's unreasonable to expect a 6 year old and an 8 year old to want to play with a 3 year old, even if the 3 year old is keen to join in. Sorry. I think you need to redirect your 3 year old to play with other, younger, kids.

I suspect the parents will think you a little unhinged if you say anything that makes it seem like you expect their older kids to play with your 3 year old.

It would be, of course, different, if the older kids were being deliberately unkind e.g. name calling, hitting etc.

[ommmward]

It can be better to try to get yourself involved in "playdates" with other home educating families rather than bigger groups. The few bad social experiences we've ever had in the HE world have all been at big meet ups, where it can get a bit tribal (both children and adults...)

[GoodnessIsThatTheTime]

I don't think you can expect kids that age to play with a 3 year old. I'd go whichever groups work for you now and leave others until she's bigger. Luckily there's lots around during the day until they reach school age!

[ultraviolet11]

Thanks for your advice. I did think it was more due to her being younger which is why I wasn't sure whether or not to make an issue of it. Will concentrate on playgroups for now as she is one of the younger ones at these home ed groups. Feeling much better now.

[Genesis2000]

Also home ed groups like anything depends on the dynamics of who is running it. Try other home ed groups and see if you have one you like. My now teen daughter didn't like any of the uunstructured activities but if it was an outing or event like art and craft or whatever, she was great. Here she didn't need to be lost and play with anyone she just dug into the activity. It suited us well because we knew exactly what she would be doing. You could try these too if this group doesn't work. If you can visit a few do, because you will pick the ones that are or aren't suitable for her. To this day she sticks to more organised ones like skating, art and craft etc. The youth groups where she has to decide what to do just didn't work but there are lots of families who love these. Don't think every group simply because it's home ed will be suitable. If your daughter is left out all the time then there really isn't any point of going to it.

[Nigglenaggle]

I expect everyone else is right, but I am going to break ranks a little and say I think they are being mean. I grew up in a large family and we always included the little ones if they wanted to play. And the older ones included us. And surely one of the strengths of home ed is learning to socialise with a range of age groups? If I were those girls mothers I'd already have brought it up with them. But guess others have different views on that and probably you are better off moving to a group that you both enjoy more. Groups where other mums have toddlers are nice though, as the older children are already good at including the littlies

[Nigglenaggle]

Sorry I should have said toddlers and preschoolers as your daughter isn't that little. And also that I don't expect older children to babysit littlies the whole time, but say your group lasts 2hrs, them spending quarter or half an hour including your daughter before going off to do 'big girl' things isn't going to kill the little minxes is it?

[maisiechain]

Are there other kids your child's age at these groups?

All our He groups are mixed ages and it works well. I think it depends a bit on how the group is managed. Are there any toys for the younger ones? Could you create a play area for the toddlers?

My 7 year old often hangs out with some of the 10 and even 15 year olds, but she is also aware that there are times when the teens want to be together without her. Its fair enough, they need time to be together to talk about things which are relevant to them but not to a 7 year old! I think a 7 year old can understand this, but a 3.5 year old won't know when to try to join in and when to give older kids space.

I would suggest your child needs that direction from you and need age appropriate things to do when the older kids want time to play together. I would suspect that a 6 and 8 year old may not know how to communicate to your daughter that they don't always want her around, and perhaps they have resorted to running away. If I was their parent I would be telling them that it is not very kind, & trying to find ways to include your daughter. However I would also feel that it is fair that they get to play without her too.

[maisiechain]

I have just realised after reading your post again, that the two girls in question have younger siblings. I would try to help your daughter join in a game with them. Perhaps you could bring something along to the group that they would find fun, a large skipping rope to play skipping games or similar. It might just get the ball rolling and help to integrate your daughter into the group.

You could go to toddler groups as other have suggested, but I personally wouldn't stop going to HE meet ups. You just need to help your daughter to find her social feet that's all. As long as there are a few children around her own age it should be fine.

[HerrenaHarridan]

The first time I went to my local he group meet up was awful!

Its supposed to be the early years group but a few of the children had obviously been coming a long time and were now 5-6.

So I turn up with my 2 yo and and 2 of the other mothers were very cliquey, kept trying to leave us behind etc. the other woman made a bit of an embarrassed effort but was primarily concerned with her very demanding 3 yo.

Me being a stubborn bullhead bitch me decided that the best course of action was to keep religiously attending the group so that when somebody else with a young child finally joined they wouldn't also be pushed out by these women.

It worked out just fine