Unsure about whether to go back to work

[Louplet]

I always thought I would go back to work though possibly part time but now that my DS is here (he is now 19 weeks) I feel like I don't want to miss out on a moment with him and can't imagine how I would deal with my current role and still be there for him in any case even if I wanted to as it is very intense and involves long hours. Wld love to hear about other people's similar experiences and what they ended up doing. One issue is that if I don't go back to work we won't be able to afford the mortgage here in London and will need to relocate (probably to Yorkshire) so it would be a huge change of lifestyle for me (I come from London and have spent the majority of my life here except for university, all my friends are close to London, I have quite a high powered job and am used to earning my own money etc). It's such a huge decision...

[Desiderata]

You'll get loads of different opinions on here, Louplet. You'll probably end up just as confused as ever.

Personally, I'd take the drop in money and look after your child during the years when he needs you most.

If it's a 'lifestyle' choice, then go back to work

Do what your heart says. It's only money.

[Louplet]

Desiderata - you are right. I am not worried about the material side of it particularly. More worried about the impact of the change on how I see myself and also the move to Yorkshire .

[Diplidophus]

Personally I would (a) don't amke any decisions now and (b) before jacking it in try going part time for a few months (definitely pahse back to work).

I have a good job and both my career and children are important. I dreaded going back and wouldn't have given the financial choice. However once I had settled back to work (the first few weeks wsere hard) I am really glad I didn't quit. I believe you can have both and enjoy it. Being at work is, for me,my time. It is less tiring but far more mentally stimulating and enjoy having an identity as someone either than a mother.

I rekon that if you were happy in your job before having a child you'll enjoy doing both when you have settled back. If you hated your job then it will be even harder than before.

[Desiderata]

What does your partner think about it?

[Desiderata]

I'm off to bed now, but I would take issue with dip about 'having an identity other than a mother.'

What other identity is there? Rest assured that when you're long retired from whatever it is you do, no one's going to remember you.

Your kids remember you for life ... and they're the only ones who will!

[Louplet]

My DP is totally supportive either way.

[Louplet]

My DP is totally supportive either way. I am very lucky there.

[CristinaTheAstonishing]

I agree with Diplidophus. Don't take any rash decisions now, either way. You still have time to think about it. It's hard to imagine now that you'd ever want to go to the cinema again or talk about anything else than nappies, but it will happen...

[ebenezer]

Completely agree Desiderata, that your work colleagues may not remember you but that your children will. But it doesn't logically follow that therefore you shouldn't have any life outside your home!! Maybe one of the things your children will remember is having an interesting, fulfilled mother? I'm not being unsympathetic about the returning to work issue, because I too remember that tug on your heartstrings when it actually comes to taking the plunge (especially with first child). But the fact is, hundreds of thousands of us do go back to work and find very quickly that yes, you can do it, no, your child won't miss out in any way, in fact you'll be giving them new experiences as well as yourself. Of course there is an identity other than being a mother - being a mother is absolutely of prime importance in my life, but I am also a wife, teacher, daughter, sister, friend.....

[Mellin]

A job can mean more than just money and whether or not your colleagues remember you after you are retired (!) Have you thought about where you see yourself further down the track, when your child/ren are older and more independent?

Also there may be other options available to you like returning part-time, job-sharing, or working from home? Maybe speak to your HR department about your options, you might be surprised at what they suggest.

In the end there is no right or wrong decision, just the one that suits you and your family the best at the time. Good luck.