Dilemmas about attending events outside work hours!

[Coco12345]

Hello! I've been back at work from maternity leave for a few months now and am struggling to know what to say when special events crop up. My normal hours are 9-5 and I drop my daughter at nursery at 8:40 and collect her just after 5. Every few weeks (sometimes less often) there seems to be a meeting, conference or event miles away which involves a very early start (e.g. leaving home at 6am) or overnight stay, which means I can't do the nursery run. My boss is very good about leaving it up to me whether to participate or not, so there isn't too much pressure, but I feel bad about having to say no to things which I probably would have gone to before. But If I do go, then I have to ask DH to take a day off (as his working hours aren't compatible with nursery and he can't work flexible hours) or try to get a family member to do the nursery run for us and look after DD for the extra time while I'm away. She's almost 18 months now and doesn't cope very well if I'm not there at night, so I usually avoid overnight things if I can. I'm trying to do my best at work but don't really know what line to take on these extra events. So far I've just gone to the really important ones and missed the rest, but it's always a dilemma and there are quite a few coming up at the moment. Would love to know what others do in this type of situation! Thanks

[Nolim]

I work from home or take half day off when dp cannot do his share of nursery drop offs/pick ups. Not ideal but i cannot think of an alternative.

[MrsMargoLeadbetter]

Think you probably just keep doing what you are doing - focus on the essential ones and use family if they don't mind.

When you say your husband cannot be flexible....has he asked at work?

[addictedtosugar]

DH this week is working an extra couple of hours so on Mon and Tues when I'm away with work he can do the nursery run. He is supposed to start work the same time nursery opens, at 7.30. My mum came up once to help out when it was a whole week.
What are DHs hours like? How much flexibility would he need?

The more notice work give, the more I try to find a solution. But I refused to be away on wed next week, when I was asked yesterday.

[BackforGood]

It's going to depend on the culture and expectancy in your industry / company really. I would say that as you do have people to do the extra little bit and take your dd to Nursery, then appreciate how lucky you are, and continue to do the job as well as you did before.
How hard has dh tried to seek some flexibility occasionally ? Be that work from home / swap some hours / take a couple of hours off rather than a day / or whatever ?

[Coco12345]

Thanks all for the suggestions, think I'll carry on focusing on the important ones as MrsMargo suggests, especially as I now only work 3 days a week, so can't always afford a day or more out of the office when there's lots to get done. Feel a bit more calm about it now, thanks :-)

[drspouse]

I've had a similar issue and have had a partial solution in a babysitter who usually does just evenings but occasionally does the evening pickup at nursery. I made sure DS knew her well before she did this though. And she's about to move away so we're desperately looking for someone else (plus, she can only do it about 1 in 4 times we ask).
I would do drop off and arrive late at the event quite a bit though.