I would like to go back to work but here are the following difficulties:
Lack of affordable childcare - our outgoings are more than our incomings, so taking a financial hit in the assumption that I am investing in my career just isn't an option.
I am very deskilled by my experience as a SAHM - I have not been able to find sustainable work in the town I moved to, which has a high unemployment rate.
I studied OU for a bit, (Computing BSc) but as DP is out to work 6am - 8:30 or 9pm Mon-Fri I haven't been able to get the reading done, despite having ability and getting good marks (85 - 95%) on assignments, and had to postpone my course, which has upset me greatly. I have studied 2 x 30 point courses, at levels 1 and 2, but only finished the level 1 course as I was becoming more and more behind with study. I already have a degree, creative arts, and have about 6 years experience of entry level career. I didn't progress far due to health reasons (stress related) and lack of opportunities in a competitive job market.
I can't even do voluntary work due to the expense of childcare, logistics of 3 DSs (5, 4, 10 mo) and even voluntary positions do not acknowledge applications
Personally, I have absolutely no confidence left - I have been chipped away by bullying PIL, "friends" who come round to laugh at the appalling mess of our home and I now actually feel sick when I read job applications. I moved to this town 6 years ago shortly before DS1's arrival, and I haven't made many friends and really have struggled to settle here, as a mid-40s mum who just does not fit in anywhere.
Deep down I know I would not cope with any job, even shelf stacking, and sadly I have a fair amount of unpleasant life experiences which bear this out. Recently I applied for a job in a supermarket, starting at 5:30am - although I got an interview I didn't get the job and was very very upset about this, mostly because I know I would end up bursting into tears at work due to nerves (I have a very long history of this sadly)
My interview skills, presentation skills are good however - I don't send in job applications with typos, or botch job applications. I have had my CV looked at by the uni careers service, who have given it the thumbs up however I just have no recent work experience, and little odds and sods of computing courses aren't really stacking up to anything concrete, although I am aiming for a specific degree.
My CV doesn't have huge references to children on it either, just that I have had a career break to be a full time parent, and in that time I have studied and developed property.
I feel that life really is over, I am just sooooo stuck. I didn't choose to be a stuck-at-home-mum, it was all down to circumstances beyond my control, and I have hated it from the off. I have been miserable for years, although when studying I have been far far happier.
I haven't done nothing for 6 years btw, I have developed and sold 2 properties in that time and this, along with my studies, is on my CV. I am bored, frustrated and lonely and just not coping with the demands of my children (eldest is HF ASD and can be very challenging) and the loneliness of my situation, I moved away from family and friends, and feel very isolated.
I feel so trapped by my situation, especially the lack of spare time. Paid childcare to allow me to study just isn't an option sadly, low paid work isn't an option either although I am very willing to do it.
If I wait for DS 2 to start school, and only have DS3 (in 15 hours a week by then) I will be pushing 50 when I complete my studies. I just feel everything is against me.