Dreading going back to work on Monday

[littlestar]

I have been on maternity leave for 9 months and I have loved every minute. Unfortunately I'm going back to work next week (purely for financial reasons). I'm going back 3 days a week for the first 3 months, after that work are insisting I go back full time.
DS has been to nursery for a couple of hours every day for the last 2 weeks. He's a really outgoing, independent baby, but so far it's been a disaster; he won't eat, sleep or take a bottle there. Every time I've gone to collect him he has been in tears. Next week he'll be doing three 10-hour stints there and I can't describe how much I'm dreading it.
This is breaking my heart and I could really do with some mumsnet support! I used to love my job but I feel sick every time I think about going back

[Dizzymama]

littlestar I really feel for you, I felt exactly the same when I returned to work after 9 months maternity leave I was very very fortunate in that E took to her childminder quite well so I'm afraid I'm of no help there. Had you thought of changing the nursery to a childminder if he still doesn't take to it? E can be thrown by lots of babies / children so for her a childminder was a good solution. If it is of any help I dreaded my return to work, but now I'm there I am quite enjoying having some of the professional me back. I know that isn't what you want to hear right now but hopefully things will work out well for you too. x

[starlover]

oh littlestar
i agree with dizzymama about maybe trying a childminder if he really doesn't take to nursery. how is he during the time he is there? have they said he cheers up after you go, or is he miserable the whole time?

[littlestar]

Today and yesterday they admitted he'd been upset for pretty much the whole time. But they reckon it's because he has a bit of a cold and once that clears up he'll be fine.

i've been there when they feed the babies and I think he finds that upsetting. They have lunch at 11am, when he usually has his nap, so he's too tired to eat. All the babies get fed at once and they all seem to cry, which sets him off. Whereas at home he gets fed by me, we take our time and he gets my undivided attention and patience.

i would definitely consider a childminder if this doesn't work out. Initially I didn't like the idea of handing ds over to another woman,and him becoming attached to her but now I wonder if that would suit him better. He's using to being around other babies from playgroups etc but I think he finds nursery a bit overwhelming - I know I do.

Sorry to go on about this in such detail but I'm really anxious, I feel this has been hanging over me for the last few months and to some extent has spoiled the last bit of maternity leave.

[starlover]

i think if he has been there for 2 weeks and is still getting upset, especially for the whole session then it may be worth thinking about other forms of childcare.
it surprises me that they aren't willing to be a bit more flexible with his eating times etc etc... it's no wonder he's unhappy if they're messing him about and feeding him when he's tired etc etc

if nothing else you'll just be so worried about him you won't be able to concentrate on work at all.... even if he's fine!

it may be worth looking into local childminders before you start back at work

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

I really feel for you littlestar

Well certainly he'll be crying through overtiredness. It may be worth trying a childminder, but i have to say, if he's only been at nursery a couple of hours each time, a full day there might make the difference. In any case, at such short notice, there is little you can do.

Its so difficult returning to work after spending many months bonding and growing with your baby to suddenly be parted from them for even a few hours each day. Have you considered changing jobs and doing evening or weekend work so you maximise the time you spend with your DS?

That aside, how come your employers are insisting that you return to full time after 3 months? What are they going to do to cover the shortfall in your workload that they cant do after the 3 months is up? Sounds a bit fishy to me.......

Anyway, i hope Monday goes well for both of you, come back and let us know how it goes.
x

[edam]

Oh dear, sorry you are finding it so tough. It is very hard leaving your baby for the first time, I know.

My ds's nursery (and the others that I visited) all said they wanted to know what every baby's routine was so that they could fit around him or her at first. Insisting on feeding a baby at 11 when they are tired sounds worrying, to me. I'd have a talk with the nursery manager and ask that they respect ds's routine, and don't try to feed him when he's expecting a nap, politely but firmly.

I know it's the last thing you need to have on your plate, but I'd also be investigating childminders or other nurseries.

And of course, you might do all this and discover he suddenly settles down! They are funny like that, bless them.

[puff]

littlestar, have a look at local childminders now - then at least if things don't work out with him being in a nursery, you have a bit of a headstart.

[springerspaniel]

Littlestar, I know this might sound odd but I bet your LO will be better when you leave him for longer than 2 hours. That will get him used to it properly and I bet he settles in quicker. I am going back on Feb 7th and dreading it too. My work also insisting on full time. Bit of a macho "don't leave at 5" environment too. Still holding out for a lottery win.

[littlestar]

thanks springerspaniel, I really hope you're right. I am dreading it so much and it's causing lots of tension at home Best of luck on Feb 7th - I'll try and post again next week to let you know how it goes x

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

How did your first day back go littlestar?

[littlestar]

Hi everyone

i'm very happy to report that my first week back at work has been a success. DS has eaten all his meals at nursery, taken bottles, had good long naps every day, and been in an excellent mood when I've collected him.

Less importantly, work has been fine; I have found it surprisingly easy not to think about DS when I'm there and I haven't cried or felt 'torn' once so far. I know he's in safe hands and, I feel a bit guilty admitting it, but I've actually enjoyed being able to concentrate on one thing at a time and having adult conversations that don't involve breastfeeding or nappies.

It helps that I'm only working 3 days a week. Nothing beats the excitement of going to collect him at the end of the day and the look on his face when he sees me.

So to springerspaniel (and any other mums who are going back to work) I'd say try not to worry too much. I know it's hard not to, but don't let anxiety spoil the rest of your maternity leave. There's no way you can predict what it's going to be like, and not much you can do to prepare (apart from being really organised). I'm sure we'll have bad days as well as good ones but so far my first week has left me brimming with confidence, and I'm really looking forward to spending the next few days with ds

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

Good for you

glad its worked out okay!

[springerspaniel]

Thanks LittleStar. That helps a lot. It's really hard not to let it spoil my last two weeks. I keep bursting into tears. If I had an easier company to work for, I wouldn't feel so bad. Today I have looked at how to be a teacher/accountant/finance advisor/childminder/practice manager - just so I can get a job nearer home. Still haven't won the lottery.