Frustrated with nursery?

[mani83]

Help opinions would be much appreciated.

I have a 2 year old son, turning 3 in march who's behaviour has changed dramatically.
Since the middle of November he seems to be rather naughty when socialising with other children, pushing children, snatching not wanting to share. Nursery has picked up on the sudden change of behaviour and that week when he started I was with my friends children who were playing rough with my son, kicking, pushing, biting and even standing on him! And now I think he has decided this must be how we socialise. He hasn't been mixing with these children since as I have gradually been trying to calm him when interacting.

He can climb with no fear like he is James Bond, I even googled 'ADHD' however his concentration spam is amazing when it comes to him working things out.

I have noticed in the nursery room it is very basic for him, even though it is for 2 year olds. They have simple puzzles yet my son knows all his colours, recognises letters and numbers and can manage to do 45 piece jigsaws without looking at the picture. Im starting to get the impression he has a photographic memory not just because of the jigsaws but because of other things he is doing. He can also play a memory card game on the iPad with up to 40 cards very easily.
I'm starting to think maybe his behaviour is due to frustration on being bored in nursery room?

I am from a family of primary teachers and when they have been with him they keep saying that what he is doing is advanced for his age but I don't know as never had children around me before really. I don't know if they are saying this because they are family.
They suggest I should start school with him 2014 instead of 2015 which would mean 2 years of pre school nursery which they said could make him bored and maybe cause behavioural problems.

I've tried the naughty step but it doesn't work, he gets a row and cries but within a few minutes he will do it again. He is so head strong and no is not in his vocabulary!
I've noticed when he is playing sometimes he is actually just hugging very rough and I don't know how to get him to be gentle. I repeat it constantly to be gentle but it doesn't work.

I don't know if this is typical 2 year old boy behaviour or if he is trying to tell me something!! But I'm starting to get scared to go out in public. I should also mention in September he became a big brother so there has been change!

[RubyrooUK]

It sounds like your DS has lots of things going on, Mani.

I'd suggest that maybe becoming a big brother has been the biggest change of all. I know at my DS' nursery they say they notice changed behaviour in children with pregnant mothers, let alone when the baby arrives. So I wouldn't underestimate the upheaval that can cause. Perhaps a lot of this "naughtiness" is just a young boy trying to gain more attention?

My DS is 2.4 and the things you mention your son doing don't sound much different from him (he can do complex puzzles, count high, knows all colours etc).

However, my DS is rarely bored at his nursery because they do lots of acivities regardless of the difficulties of any puzzles on offer. Although your DS does sound bright, I'm not sure that your son would be acting out because he is bored and too advanced necessarily. My son does do puzzles at nursery but they also do lots of other activities - biking, dancing, singing, drawing - so it's hard to get bored.

I'm also not convinced about starting your DS earlier in the education system. It sounds like he is very bright and able but the bits it seems that he is having trouble with are the emotional areas. He is still emotionally a two year old even if he is very bright academically.

Have you talked to his nursery in depth about what they think?

[mani83]

I feel they underestimate him.
He was at a Montessori nursery before and when he was able
To do a puzzle they would take it away an being a more complex one, leading at a majority of the time him doing 6 year old work.
They used to take him away for an hour a day to work on letters as he liked then. This was aged between 1.6-2.3
The new nursery was part of his independant school e would attend
One morning the teacher said to me that thy were doing work and he started saying the letters but she thinks it's a fluke :s
I don't want to sound like one of those 'my sons smart' mothers

[RubyrooUK]

Could you have a detailed meeting with the nursery?

Do you have examples of the sort of puzzles, writing or reading that your DS does when he is with you? I remember showing my nursery a video of DS counting to 20 at about 18mo because they didn't know he could count competently. It was part of an assessment they do automatically occasionally to check that parents and the nursery are on the same page.

Also if you met them, then your nursery might be able to suggest why they think your son gets frustrated and acts out when he's there. They might have some useful insights of their own to share with you.

I think it's important to ensure your child isn't frustrated. But with a new sibling, a relatively recent change in nursery and so on, it sounds like he has had a lot of life changes recently. Even if he is very bright, he is still only two emotionally.

Good luck.