wish me luck- got to go out wth boys, agoraphobia

[PeachyClair]

Hoe pathetic am I? First time out alone with the boys in ages (probably six months?) can't not do it as the boys make such a noise and poor Dh is in a real health mess agin from alck of sleep (works nights) and he needs peace, but sitting here panicking trying to avoid it.

Perfectly OK to go anywhere with DH, or in the village within reason

Saw a GP recently and she says its all fair enough as the reason it got so bad was Sam (DS1, ASD) and his reactions to shops; says she wants me to have counselling so refused AD's: counsellor can only make it on the day I can't because of Uni

Sory just delayingt actic LOL! daft cow I am

[foxinsocks]

You aren't daft and you're not pathetic.

I've had spells of agoraphobia in the past and it feels truly terrifying.

But you know, the best cure is forcing yourself to go out no matter how awful that feels!

Have you read any books on it? I have some quite useful self help books if you need any reading material.

[vitomum]

aaaw, good luck PC. Counselling can be really effective for this (take it Dr means CBT. Could you decide up front with the boys what you are going to do then you will have the reassurance of knowing it will be within your comfort zone. good luck

[foxinsocks]

this is a good book

the agoraphobia workbook

I wouldn't recommend In Stillness Conquer Fear (on that amazon link). It's good but I felt her agoraphobia was really quite mild so it can be quite disheartening if you're coming at it from a more severe case!

[PeachyClair]

notice I am still here boys being treticent now

GP thinks I ned counselling to deal with Sam's ASD and the fact that DS3 has also got some developmental issues, he thinks that underlies it.

I wouldn't mind book titles? Only Dh me and a friend know- we don't have enough close (location wise) people for anyone else to notice tbh
My fault for moving fro Uni that though

[foxinsocks]

that workbook uses the CBT tools - it gives you little worksheets to fill in

[foxinsocks]

I must drag my kids out but if you need an agoraphobia buddy (to support you through difficult times), then please let me know. I know how isolated it can make you feel.

I can post some other quite useful books later if you like.

[PeachyClair]

Well I amde it and it was OK when we were out, though it took tears (from me) and an hour to park

foxinsocks- thank you. Yes, I could do with some support- Dh is generally fab but less than interested in this as I am OK with him so he doesn't see it.

The CBT book sounds excellent

[mummymania]

Can i ask what both your symptoms are and how it started?

[PeachyClair]

Well I guess with me it started in a few ways- partly coz my eldest DS has SN and a tendency to huge meltdowns in public, which culminated in me being briefly knocked out when alone with all 3 in the summer shopping. Also, a few years ago DH had severe depression and a tendency to 'vanish' when we were outa nd about, or go into very scary rants- he's well now, but I was only too aware that left me very nervous every time he wasn't within sight, I used to have panic attacks coming home from college, in case a bill or something had set him off and he'd vanished.

About ayear ago I started having panic attacks when I had to go off driving on my own, but I stopped going to that particular destination. Then as DS1 worsened, they came back- social services are unable tooffer hel, so I spent the summer stuck in whenever Dh was at work. That shredded my confidence too, and I guess friends gave up onme, except one who pointed out it was all a bit wierd and why didn't I ever go out which was when it clicked what was happening.
I would make random promises to go out, and just never go. Ia lso struggle with phone calls if I have to make them, I convice myself I am disturbing the person on the oher end, tbh only one very close friends froms chool has stuck it out properly.

Symptoms- well, I can go to Uni / the school / post office on my own or with one child no problem, although I ntice Uni has gone from beinga free zone to restricted to cafe-class-library this term. Anywhere ewlse I spend days finding excuses not to go, and hours before hand getting weepy / panicky / agitated and rarely go.

It didn't help that after yesterdays achievement, DS spent the evening majorly melting down as a result of having been taken out

[PeachyClair]

Oh but I can and do go anywhere with DH. Which is odd, but apparently not unheard of. I might go to cardiff tomorrow, and I do the carnival circuit in Somerset no problem- unless Dh ahs to pop off somewhere.....

[mummymania]

Have you had any treatment yet? What does your gp say?

[foxinsocks]

Hi Peachy

Think the being able to do things with a companion is surprisingly common amongst agoraphobics.

I can see (reading your history) why things have ended up the way they have. What a shame about your counselling. Have you looked up other counsellors in your area? You can look them up on BACP on the find a therapist link or look for a psychologist here .

I have heard good things about CBT (largely what that Agoraphobia workbook uses) - it addresses the cycle of negative thinking (that results in a lot of the panic and anxiety) however, I also read an interesting piece that said if a lot of your anxiety is as a result of long standing problems (say from childhood etc.) then seeing a psychologist is useful as well as it can help you understand why you have ended up where you have (if that makes sense!). It quoted some study where it showed that CBT helps for the short term but with people with long standing problems, there was a certain rate of reoccurrence of the problems (which is why they thought that doing some psychotherapy and some CBT could be a good solution).

Finally, in terms of reading - if anxiety is a problem for you, I found this book brilliant. It didn't necessarily solve much but it is a fantatic insight into what is going on and has some brilliant examples. It's called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway - I notice (in the link) that she has produced a workbook as well for putting her ideas into practice.

Try not to get disheartened - I think it's a good sign that you can do things with dh because it means you are physically and psychologically capable of doing them, you just haven't quite made the leap to doing them on your own. At my worst, I battled to do anything whether with a companion or not that was out of my comfort zone.

But it is possible to be completely free of it - for years I did a job where I had to travel extensively, all round the world and loved every minute of it. There was a time when I would never have believed it was possible. And many people comment on how laid back and relaxed I am but I must admit, it's certainly not always been that way and I do still go through some bad patches.

Let me know how you're getting on.

[PeachyClair]

Thanks FIS< I am going to ask DH for the book.

Apparently I can see a Counsellor at Uni, its just making the approach iyswim.

There pronbaly are long term issues as well- didn't have much of a childhood (get on well with ap[rents now but drink / depression was an issue) and Mum never went anywhere either. Still doesn't tbh.

GP said absolute No to antu d's- which I really wanted- as I have to learn to deal with it. Might go back see somoeone else? Is it worth it?

[foxinsocks]

don't know peachy - have never spoken to anyone about it. Most of the worst times happened pre-kids so I had all the time in the world to sort them out myself. It's easy when you don't have children to worry about. You can set your own agenda for fixing things! As I said below, really the best way to go about sorting it all out is to force yourself to go out to the places you feel uncomfortable - the problem is that you really need to do it on your own and once you have kids (and especially in your circumstances), it becomes virtually impossible to get the time you need to spend facing your fears.

funnily enough, my mum had similar issues (drink/depression/psychosis/agoraphobia)

can't see why the doc won't give you ADs if you want them - can you go and see another one? Are you perhaps someone who puts on a 'coping front' iyswim? perhaps the doc thinks you appear ok

I probably will (in the next month or so, although I've been saying this for a while now) go and see someone about it all (a psychologist I think) because I've recently had to deal with some horrible stuff and I have been advised to go and see somebody to find out where I stand (re potentially taking someone to court) so if I do go, I'll let you know what they say.

I really think it is worth going to see someone if you can. I can't see how your situation is going to progress if the doctor won't help you.

[foxinsocks]

my mum had similar issues to your mum I meant!