My mum (long and slightly desparate!)

[ibeanamechanger]

NC for a different thread but have been here ages. Can't seem to go back to original name!

Just been speaking to my dad who is rather worried about my mum. She is 70 and has been having violent, long-lasting dizzy spells that leave her bedridden, sometimes for as much as half a day. She seems to struggle to eat (she vomits) and has lost loads of weight.

Mum has COPD. She has had a persistent cough for as long as I can remember but refused to see a gp about it for around 20 years. She smokes - worryingly she doesn't know how many - and refuses to stop. Or even entertain the idea of stopping.

She has tried numerous medicines (the whole gamut of medication for diseases such as labyrinthitis), which work to a degree but not really offering any relief. Years ago an MRI revealed small vessel ischaemic disease. I recall that was it as I hadn't heard of it so read up. Following that diagnosis she was told to quit smoking and improve her diet. Neither of which she did. She cannot remember being told about the SVID and gets aggressive with me when I try to talk about that, or any aspect of her health.

I am really quite worried. She has to be virtually dragged to the doctor. The COPD means she get numerous chest infections and she has to be fighting for breath before she'll go. Dad is an elderly man (mid 80s) and although he is actually in remarkable health, I can tell he is worried and that makes me worry about him, too.

Not that she would take anything on board, but does anyone have any suggestions!

[ibeanamechanger]

To add, she has just been referred to ENT. Given that she saw Ent years ago about the same thing and all they said was SVID I have no idea if this is appropriate.

[TheoriginalLEM]

Is it the labyrinthitis causing the dizzy spells? Could it be migraine?

I suspect that whilst she is putting on the stubborn old bag front, the reason she wont go to the dr is that she is scared. Could you maybe minimalise it a bit and suggest that she goes as her meds may just need adjusting or it may be migraine (bit old for migraine but it could be). This would be relatively trivial ailments in her mind and possibly might make her more likely to go to the dr to get it sorted, rather than going not knowing what is wrong and worrying about having tests etc - She may well have to have tests etc, but once she has gone to the Dr the dialogue has been opened and the Dr can give her whatever information she needs to make a decision.

I think that is the thing though, you do have to respect her decisions, as hard as that may be when you know they might not be the best ones.

My mother is very similar and whilst there are some questions about her mental health, there is nothing i can do to get her to attend the dr and the dr's hands are tied because she is an adult and able to make her own decisions.

You may as well piss into the wind to get her to stop smoking, my mother wont, even though she is told about the damage she is doing to her health. EVery single time she gets so much as a chill it goes straight to her chest, my mother puts it down to her long term medical condition, err, no, its the smoking!

[ibeanamechanger]

I suggested migraine but she screamed at me.

She really is in appalling health: she cannot walk more than a few metres without getting out of breath.

[TheoriginalLEM]

She sounds an awful lot like my mother - she leads me a merry dance, i had to take a massive step back to preserve my own mental health, I help her out as much as I can but i am getting better at letting her get on with things when she acts up. I have many threads on here about it over the years.

All you can do is be there and try to make sure your dad looks after his health too - parents are more challenging than kids i find!

[Mumzy]

Do you have a community health team responsible for respiratory conditions including COPD who could visit your mum at home? They can give your parents advice on how to best manage her condition at home and can prescribe emergency antibiotics, nebulisers etc. Ask her GP or consultant to refer her to them if they exist in her area