Depression - how to help returning colleague

[prufrock]

A colleague is returning to work in a weeks time after a serious bout of depression/stress. She was originally off work for 6 weeks, came back full time with same responsibilities as before and 2 weeks later was off again. 4 months later she is returning to work, and HR are managing her return very carefully - so she is gradually building up her hours and I have re-arranged the teams work to keep her away from our most demanding clients.
I know some mumsnetters have been through similar siuations, so any advice on how to best help her deal with her return?

[boyandgirl]

You need to find that narrow ballance between not treating her with kid gloves like some weirdo (not nasty, that's how it felt to me) yet easing her into work gently. She needs to be accepted as healthy, so as nto to feel self-conscious or embarassed or guilty.

[misdee]

i tried to return to my job doing the same hours as before when i was suffering depression. i managed to get to the staff area at the back of the store and burst into tears. i wasnt ready for work, i ended up having another month of work. my work were not supportive at all, i even overheard one of the managers bitching about me once. it really knocked my self confidence down, i felt like i wasnt wanted there, was just a joke for everyone there. none of the work i did before i had dd1 mattered to them. i wanted to slowly work up my hours but wa kinda stuck on 18hours a week with no way of being able to increase my hours due to the managers being horrible. before i fell ill i was training for a supervisor position in the coffee shop, was trained in just about all areas of the store and used to help out everywhere. after i got put on the cigerette kiosk on my own, with no one to talk to. i had been with the store over 5 years when i left, i didnt get my 5year award from them (silver badge and bottle of bubbly) or even a goodbye present when i left. looking back they treated me appaulingly, i wish i hadnt returned. i havent worked since i left there (dec 01), and am now a full time mum and so much happier.

hopefully your friend will not have the same experiences i did.

[prufrock]

OUr HR dept will make sure she doesn't missdee - firmslike mine have been serously hit in the past with claims for causing stress related sickness so they are seriously hot on doing everything properly. It's just really difficult to know how to not treat her with kid gloves. It's quite a high pressure environment anyway, and as ateam we spend our entire time dealing with difficult and demanding people - I want to keep her away from stressful situations - but quite honestly to do that properly I'd have to stop her at the front door. And I know when I came back from maternity leave I hated to think people were making allowances for me - but if we don't, I think she'll probably relapse again.

[bossykate]

this is an interesting one, prufrock. was her depression "situational", i.e. caused by bereavement or other external factor? has she been going for counselling and is her graduated return to work making allowances for the fact she may wish to continue with counselling? have you spoken to her about her expectations/desires/objectives for returning to work?

it is not absolutely clear from your post, but i am assuming you are her boss? if so, when she returns i would sit her down and have the most honest chat you can with her about what she feels up to doing. perhaps you could stress that you don't want to treat her with kid gloves, but that realism must prevail. i would use the analogy of a physical illness on this, e.g. "if you had broken your leg, no-one would expect you to etc etc ..."

are there any "shared services" roles in your dept. (e.g. reconciliations, accounting, admin) which do not involve direct contact with clients? perhaps she could do something like this until she has found her feet?

i think you and your firm are already treating her differently, in that she has a gradual return to work and that you have reorganised the work of the team in order to shield her. i'm sure this is the commonsense solution given what happened before, but perhaps it would be best not to insist that all is as it was... i assume she is depressed rather than stupid!

thinking about it, the mindset of comparing her experience to a physical illness might help everyone get the right perspective on the situation.

when is she due back?

[boyandgirl]

If, by the very nature of the job, it's impossible to screen your colleague from the worst stresses, perhaps it would be helpful to start on an encouraging note, so that in that private chat you could include something along the lines of 'Yes, you've been ill, but you are well now, and I have every confidence in you that you're up to the job. I also have confidence that you will recognise and acknowledge if you do have any problems and that in such a case you'll come to me and we'll sort it out together.' Showing her your acceptance of what many people feel is a shameful illness, and that you are not stigmatising her as a result. If her colleagues also know that that is the management attitude it may help as well. I've not actually been in her situation, but I've come through PND myself.

[misdee]

i wish u guys were my old bosses. they terated me like a freak.

[ScummyMummy]

I think maybe just try and ensure that at the front of your mind is the thought that she needs kid gloves because she's been ill and not because she might want to sue the HR department... Don't be afraid to ask her how she's feeling and what she feels up to doing and take your lead from her. Good luck. I bet you'll handle it well.

[prufrock]

Scummy - the sueing isn't at the front of my mind promise - although it did sound a bit like that didn't it?
I'm not actually her line manager, due to my allergy to any form of man-management, but I am responsible for the team on a day-to day basis. OUr line manager isloveley, but is so wrapped up in doing everything by the book that I think he's lost sight of the person behind the "problem"
I will use the analogy of a physical illness - thanks bk. There are some things that she can do taht don't involve clients - our procedures manual needs updating prior to a visit from the dreaded FSA, but stuff like that is so boring. I think I will leave it up to her to decide whwther she wants to start off with mind-numbing stuff like that - it's probably important for her to have some control over her situation.
The depression is something she's suffered from on a mild level before - it was just exacerbated by having to deal with two particularly nasty fund managers. We have officialy moved them to somebody else, but I know she feels guilty about leaving somebody else to cope with them when she couldn't, which is something I have to try to stop.

Thanks for the advice - she's back on Thursday for 1 day, so I will probably be asking for more help after that.

[bossykate]

hi prufrock, how is your colleague getting on?