Should I just let this go?

[EarthMotherImNot]

lo has contact 3 x weekly and mum is currently being assessed while still holding parental responsibility.

Part of this assessment involves mum doing day to day care, albeit for a couple of hours at a time. This means feeding dressing changing etc.

Each time lo is collected for contact I tell the worker when her next feed is due, how she has been since mum saw her last etc. However, if lo cries mum feeds her regardless of if she's hungry or not, sometimes this can be only an hour after a full feed.

We then spend the rest of the day with a baby screaming, drawing up her legs etc and generally very unsettled.

I've tried talking to her sw and my link worker but both have said this shows mum responding appropriately to baby's needs.

Any input please?

[MoneyNoPockets]

It is hardly "responding appropriately to baby's needs" if baby is crying due to wind, cold, lonely.

Feeding is not always the answer and she is actually causing the lo pain so how they think that is acceptable is beyond me.

I guess all you can do is continue to point this out, is there any way of tweaking lo's routine so that she is actually due a feed soon after arriving at contact?

[fidelma]

It is the mothers natural instinct to feed a baby when they are crying.They can cry because they need close contact.

I usually fed my 4 los when they cried and yes they did suffer from colic but they also cried if I did not feed them.The closeness kept them calm.The mother shoild be allowed to feed her baby if she wants to.

[sumum]

In my book this is totally unacceptable, the mother is not listening to advise or putting baby's needs first.

Ofcourse she wants to quiet and comfort the lo when she cries but shoving a bottle on her is an easy response insted of trying to find out why she is really crying.

Does she have a dummy? can you send a very small bottle of water for inbetween feeds?

How long is conact, can you time milk feeds around it?
Lots of contact workers do not understand day to day babycare esp of babies with drug issues so can you get your hv or gp to back you and tell mother/sw that she needs at least 3(or whatever) hours between feeds for medical reasons.

Good luck, contact is the hardest part of fostering imo.

[EarthMotherImNot]

Quick update, I finally got my link worker to actually listen to what I was saying.

Upshot of a chat she had with lo's sw is that I keep a contact diary which is sent to each contact session with details of how lo is, her last feed, how much she took and when her next feed is roughly due.

lo's mum will be asked to write in it as well so it will be info for both of us.

It had to be resolved so I'm glad I kept plugging away, lo has been through so much already she didn't need any more pain or distress.

It can be a fine line between being a sort of advocate for baby without being seen as controlling IYSWIM.

[sumum]

Well done.

Baby happy, mother happy and foster carer happy.

Result.