wondering if fostering is right for us

[woodenmouse]

I'm thinking of fostering in the next few years, at the moment we don't have a spare room but should be buying a bigger house in the next few years and we also have a 9 month old someone be able to apply until he is over 2. I also have a 3 year old. I am interested in people's opinions on how my dc will be affected if we decide to foster. We are also debating adopting. I'm currently a sahm so I don't have to worry about giving up work etc but dh works long irregular hours so I do the majority of child care by myself.
Sorry if I'm not phrasing this very well, I'm just trying to figure out if this is the right thing fory family.

[woodenmouse]

Bump

[princesspeppa]

Gosh. A very complicated question. As I am sure you know, fostering and adoption are two completely different things, both coming with their own problems. Yes, your children will be affected by both to some degree. If you decide fostering is for you, SS usually advise that the foster child is younger than your own children, so potentially you will be looking after 2 young children of your own and a baby/toddler? FC may have some behaviour problems, or health issues. There are lots of meetings involved with social workers and birth parents, doctors/health visitor appointments, ongoing training courses that you will be expected to attend, also taking and picking up the fc to contact sessions with the parents, several times a week. Daily paperwork to be completed as well. It is a full time "job". So you would need to have a support network to help you. How do you think your children would cope having to say goodbye to a child that could have been with you for a couple of years? Yes, bc do have to learn that this little person is only with you temporarily and there are lots of foster carers who successfully manage this. Only you & dh can decide what will work for your family. Think you need to have a good read up, plenty of information on the web, and indeed on this web site. Not going to discuss adoption, its a massive step, and completely separate from fostering. Obviously if you decide to go down the fostering or adoption route, then a social worker will come to see you and will discuss it thoroughly with you. Both the fostering and adoption prep courses are quite thorough as well and will inform you of what is involved. Good luck....

[Arkay]

My son had just turned 3 when our first foster child arrived. I foster children older than him, although princesspeppa is right in that it's generally advised that foster children are younger than birth children.

Fostering has a massive impact on birth children, impacts everything really...daily routines, atmosphere in the house, how you spend your time, divided attentions, emotional impact when the FC leaves, etc. etc. etc. I don't think you can really underestimate the impact. But, for me the positives of it outweigh any negatives. I think it's brought out some really good qualities in my son and shown me that he's an incredibly adaptable, accepting and welcoming child. It also occasionally brings out some not so good qualities...he's bitten a FC before, refused to share him books with one (shared all his toys, but was quite territorial about his books!)...different with each child we've had but I'm very proud of how he's just getting on with being part of a fostering family and really just accepting these children into his life. I think this may be an advantage of starting when he was so young?

Personally, I think it would have been more difficult for him if I'd fostered babies. He's the baby of the family, and a baby FC would have taken more attention away from him and their needs would have been very similar (nappies, bathtime, help eating, etc.) and I think that would be more problematic than having older children whose needs are quite different to his. Less competition/jealousy that way, I feel.

FCs' behaviour towards him varies from ignoring to being downright mean to tolerating to being lovely to him...impossible to predict. My son's quite robust, not too sensitive, I think that helps massively.

It's a lot to take on, and my son's well-being is obviously the most important thing to me, so you've lots to think about and consider when deciding whether it's right for your family.

If I were you, I'd go along to your LA's information sessions for both fostering and adoption. You can go now even if you know you won't be doing it for a few years, just to get a feel, listen to some carers/adopters...might answer some of your questions.

[bexollie]

I find all the abbreviations difficult ,what is a sAhmed and dd and DH this somewhat spoils intersecting reading.

[bexollie]

Sorry sahm

[traviata]

Hi bexollie

SAHM means stay at home mother.

DD is dear/darling daughter, DH is dear/darling husband.

Here's a clickable link to the abbreviations here

[woodenmouse]

Thank you for the replies. I've been doing some research and I feel quite positive. When ds2 turns one I'm going to start looking into it properly.