Does anyone have any experience of one sibling moving in with a parent while the others remain in care?

[3catsnokids]

I currently foster 2 children and their sibling is in another placement (as we only have 1 spare room). I have recently found out that this sibling is going to go to live with Mum, but this is definitely not happening with the children in my care. How on earth will I explain that to them?! They are very settled with me but I am worried this will really throw them and affect their behaviour etc

[3catsnokids]

Anyone?

[cazzmags]

Hi 3

I have no experience of this directly but I wonder if it's something to do with the ages of the children? I think that sometimes a birth parent may pass a parenting assessment to meet the needs of a very young child but not necessarily be able to meet the needs of an older child or vice versa. Is there a big difference in the ages of the 2 you have and their sib?

[3catsnokids]

Hi, thanks for replying. Mum wouldn't be able to look after all of the children so only applied for custody of one. It basically boils down to the fact that she couldn't cope with my two as well, but how can I explain that?!

[Derrk]

Hi 3
I was almost in a similar situation and all you can do is to minimise the impact.

My recommendation is that you meet with the child social worker and possibly mum to decide how and what explanation is given to the children. You may want to involve your link worker.

Doing as a group stands the best chance of consistency. The explanation must be positive and as close to the truth as possible.

The following gives a flavour of what I mean

• Your mum unable to keep you all safe and free from harm, she is only able to look after one of you
  
• If one of you went home then we would to move the other to then NAME would move here and we know that moving a child to another carer is usually difficult for most children.
  
• I know that you will be sad that one of you is not the one to go home and feel it is unfair, but we feel that this is the best way forward.
  

This explanation should be given to the children in the presence of all involved so that they understand it is a joint decision and it should infer that it was a difficult one to make.

I hope this helps

Derk