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Fostering

Mum needing help/advice

14 replies

HHH3 · 05/09/2013 19:03

I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice please?

If I was to ask for my baby to go into temporary foster care, do I run the risk of not being able to get him back?

I have no idea how children's services work and I'm scared to ask as I'm scared of losing him forever.

TIA

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Roshbegosh · 05/09/2013 21:49

I suppose it would depend on the circumstances that made you need to do it. A temporary need for support is ok but a violent partner would not be ok. Can you tell us a bit more about what is going on for you!

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HHH3 · 05/09/2013 21:57

I just need a break. I need time to sleep and get my head together. I can get absolutely no help while he's in my care so the only solution I can see is to not have him in my care. I don't want to but it seems there's no other way.

But I'm scared that if I did this they'd then say I'm not fit to look after him.

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Littlefish · 05/09/2013 22:00

You sound exhausted. How old is your baby?

I would suggest that you contact your nearest Children's centre and ask if they can put you in touch with HomeStart. A HomeStart volunteer can help you with many things such as routines, organising, be a listening ear etc.

I would also suggest going to see your GP to talk about your concerns. Do you think you could be depressed?

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HHH3 · 05/09/2013 22:09

He's 9 months. You're right - I'm exhausted. I have homestart starting soon but what I need more than anything is a break. I love him so much and it would break my heart to do this but I have absolutely no idea what to do. While I can make sure he's fed, clean etc I'm not meeting his needs emotionally atm while I'm like this.

I think I am depressed - things have been awful for the last few months. In fact, it's been one thing after another for years and I've finally reached the end of what I can take. Quite frankly I could do with a foster family for me as well! I need some love and to be cared for...and rest.

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Littlefish · 05/09/2013 22:16

You poor thing.

Please go and see your GP. Talk to them about anti depressants and counselling.

Making sure your son is fed and clean is a great start. Recognising that you are not well is also a good place to start.

Do you have any friends locally who could sit with him for a couple of hours while you sleep? Failing that, could you afford a babysitter to come and look after him in your house so you can go to bed, knowing that he will be safe and entertained?

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HHH3 · 05/09/2013 22:22

I have a babysitter who has him for 2.5hrs a week. Can't afford anymore than that. I really am grateful for it but tbh it's a drop in the ocean.

We already have children's services involved (although they're planning to close the case in a few weeks). They've told me that if he was in care they'd be able to provide all sorts. But as he's with me there's nothing they can provide. I thought they were supposed to help keep families together. But the lack of support is the reason I'm consider foster care.

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Littlefish · 05/09/2013 22:26

What are your ds's sleep patterns? Are you sleeping well when you are able to?

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HHH3 · 05/09/2013 22:29

He wakes approx every 2hrs at night and has done since he was born. I'm finding it hard to get to sleep even when he's sleeping - can't seem to switch off sometimes.

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Littlefish · 05/09/2013 22:32

Please, please go and see your GP to talk all this through with them.

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redcaryellowcar · 05/09/2013 22:41

I am not sure I can answer this very helpfully but didn't want to read and run, ds who(now 2.2) was a terrible sleeper at 9 months but by 10 things had improved a lot. I think a trip to your gp or hv sounds like a good start, you must be feeling rubbish to be considering fostering, I really hope homestart are able to help. I have heard they are great.

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Firsttimemum2012 · 05/09/2013 22:47

I am not an expert but I think you should continue to explore other options like Homestart and matters with your HV and GP to get help whilst he is in your care. I think once he is in foster care it will be much more out of your control. Sending hugs - it's not easy x

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Littlefish · 06/09/2013 22:19

How are you feeling today HHH3?

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fasparent · 10/09/2013 13:38

In our area LA has in place foster placement facility for Mums in your situation in that Mum and child both go into a supportive foster placement together would look too see if your LA or other Org's have this facility available in your area. This would be in your situation voluntary, Fostering is not all about care orders or the courts, have had
looked after children whose parents have been in your situation., problem is things have changed over the years, so would approach with caution peoples perception's of personal situations can be misunderstood .

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suzylee73 · 11/09/2013 13:35

I'm so sorry to hear your struggling you sound like you really need a break. I'm a foster carer and I think a bit of respite along with a trip to the GP might be really good for you but.... although it would only be a voluntary care order if social services found that you weren't a "good enough" parent they may push for a full care order which would be bad for you. Social Services always try for the child and parent to be kept together and certainly don't take kids away unless there is danger to the child or abuse. As a foster carer I would be working with you to make it as temporary as possible and help you get your child back asap. As a foster carer I wish I could help stressed out exhausted mums without social services involvement. I hope the GP can help you to feel better x

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