Just how intrusive is assessment as a potential foster carer?

[AlexanderSkarsgardIWould]

Have just started looking into applying to become a foster carer and am feeling quite daunted by what I know about the assessment process so far. As a citizen I think it's right and good foster carers are properly vetted but as an individual I'm wondering if our average family with its ups and downs is going to make the grade, IYSWIM. Exactly what kinds of things do local authorities look at?

I know this has probably been covered on previous threads and I'll go and have a read of those now, but I just wondered if anybody was about to give me some quick answers. Thanks.

[LollyBobs]

An average family with its ups and downs would be fine - we know that applicants are only human and have pasts.

I'm with an IFA so the LA may be different, but we look at your life from birth to now and how you were parented, major life events, key relationships, how you parent if you have children. We look at health, employment, finances. We do a health & safety check, CRB check, check whether you're known to the LA, medical check. Personal and employer references.

We talk to your children if you have any, we also talk to ex partners if you have been married previously or have been in significant relationships previously - unless there is a good reason why not.

It is very in-depth and can stir up a lot of emotions. Essentially we want to know you as a person and we want to know your family. If there have been difficult times in your past then we want to talk about how you managed and if you have dealt with it, or if you have unresolved issues.

If you have nothing to hide and you are willing to open up and talk about yourself and your past then you should be ok.

[LineRunner]

LollyBoobs, I find that fascinating - that your IFA talks to ex-partners. How does that happen?

[LollyBobs]

Well we ask whether the applicant can give us their contact details and whether they are ok for us to approach them.

Obviously some people have no idea where their exes are, or sometimes the ex partners don't want to talk to us, or sometimes the applicant doesn't want us to - perhaps if it was an abusive relationship etc.

But generally its because if the applicant was previously married or living with a partner, then its a major part of their life and we think its important to discuss that period and getting both perspectives is really useful.

If we can't talk to the ex its not a problem in terms of the application or assessment. We would then make a point of discussing that period of the applicants life with a referee to gain insight that way.

I have to say though, that the vast majority of the time people are happy for us to talk to their exes and the vast majority of the time the exes are happy to talk to us.

[Mrbojangles1]

can i just say they are not looking for perfect parents, and i would think they would view any one who thought they were with surpistion

its more about how you have over come issues with in your family, looking to see if you have insight


its not about wrong or right its about what you have learned and what you would do different next time if the same situation came up.


also i think they want to gage your parenting style and how your family dynamic works.



on ex partners we talked a little first about mine and ds relationship with ex which is very bad he wont engage at all and wont see ds which is sad then she asked me questions about how long we were together ect and why we broke up.

then all she did was send a letter to ex via his dad which is the only contact i have for that side of the family.
he didn't reply, which they were expecting


i think if your telling ss that you and ex get on like a house on fire and he gets back saying your a devil women that migh give concern butif your saying you dont get on and he says your a devil women it wont come as a big shock after all sw are used to dealing with disruntled parents

[AlexanderSkarsgardIWould]

Hmm, intriguing, HJWoo.

[NanaNina]

Everytime something goes horribly wrong with foster carers and children (and sadly it does but very very occasionally) A fostered child was killed by the male foster carer in Brighton & Hove some years ago and there was of course a Serious Case Review and the assessments were looked at in great detail.

It turned out that this male carer had not been truthful and said he was doing a college course when he wasn't (no big deal but it is a big deal to be dishonest about anything) Also his ex wife came forward and said she could have told the LA that he had been violent to her and her son by her first marriage. Hence this is the reason why ex partners are contacted.

It's also the reason why in the LA that I worked for, we asked for both carers employment history and checked out the gaps in employment. Its a bit like the bomb scares really - when something happens (like the liquid bomb making kit) then no liquids over 100ml can be taken on a plane) but of course this does nothing to prevent someone trying out another method.

The problem is that no matter how comprehensive an assessment is done or what methods are put in place in child protection cases, risk can never ever be eliminated while ever there are people out there who can endanger a child'slife. Sad but true.

[AlexanderSkarsgardIWould]

Gosh, no, I think it's completely right that they look throughly into your background. I'm just afraid I won't make the grade! Coz of stuff like I've been clinically depressed in the past. And if they look up my exes...well, for example, the last I heard of the guy I went out with before DP was that he'd been sectioned for the third time for drug-induced psychosis. Of course that's not my fault, but I don't think it's going to look good for me to have been out with somebody who was a drug addict. My early 20s was quite, well, chaotic. I feel I've settled down, meeting DP and having DS, but will social services view it the same way?

[bonnieslilsister]

A lot of the population have had mental health issues. Hopefully that wouldn't stop you now. Also, many people have done things/ mixed with people who have done things in the past and moved on. Hopefully again this wouldn't stop you but would be included in the assessment and could even be seen to be a positive as life experiences are invaluable. Don't let it stop you talking to them

[Nonio]

I would say talk to the fostering department at the LA. You can do this before you start the process. When the process starts be open and honest about everything. All aspects of your life will be looked into this can by stressful and emotional (it was for me). But if this is what you want to do give it your best shot. Good luck

[Fosterangel]

Interesting!!!! There is such a contrast between how thoroughly potential foster carers are checked and checked again and what we are told about children we are given to foster. Our friends and family and ex-partners were interviewed as part of us qualifying to foster. All our stones were turned and turned again and personal secrets revealed (not too onerous but even so very personal stuff). When it came to us qualifying, we asked not to take children that had been sexually abused or HIV positive or with Hepatitis (to protect children in our own birth family) but were told that we were not entitled to know this information about the children as it would be ~"confidential". I know that we all need to protect children (especially those vulnerable and abused) but we also need to feel safe as carers.
Has anyone else been shocked at the depth to which you are "probed" and the shallowness of the imformation you are allowed to ask about the children you will take into your hearts and homes?

[bonnieslilsister]

I cant believe you wouldn't be told that information Fosterangel it sounds unbelievable. I have so much information given to me about fc....I just presumed I would have all the information there was!

[bonnieslilsister]

Surely if a child has been sexually abused???? Crazy as they are going to need a lot of help.

As regards blood diseases I guess we are wise to treat any blood etc as though it is contaminated.

[Janni]

The most stressful bit for me was having a social worker sitting at the lunch table to observe a meal time with me, my two young sons and one of their friends. I spent an awful lot of time planning a menu they'd eat without any fuss!!

[girliefriend]

Interesting I have been thinking about fostering recently probably because of there has been quite a bit on the telly about it, I would be concerned that being a single mum would go against me?

[bonnieslilsister]

I'm single girliefriend it works well for me

[Mrbojangles1]

Fosterangel their is not way to ever grantntee that a child has been sexually abused unless they come stright from the hosptial


Espically when it invloves smaller children that cant really tell yu whats been going on

Ss may respond to a single incident but abuse of other kinds may have being going on for years and may or may ot come out

[bonnieslilsister]

I understand that MrB but if ss know of previous sexual abuse I cant believe it would not be passed on to us

[BlendingIntoTheBackground]

My parents fostered for years. We had a little boy who was placed with us, separate from his sisters.

In the first 6 months both his parents came to visit weekly, and my mum used to potter about getting on with housework, laundry etc not wanting to intrude on their time together, just making them a cup of tea, and popping in from time to time.

His sisters then came to us, as the other Foster family couldn't cope, and it was only then that my parents found out that they werent allowed unsupervised contact with the girls because they had both sexually abused them.

My Mum was furious as no consideration was given to the fact that she had 3 young children who were often at home at the time of visits, as the little boy had not been abused, it wasn't disclosed.

[bonnieslilsister]

That is shocking blending I am definately going to be asking my ssw about their policy.

Just out of interest how long ago was this?

[scarlet5tyger]

Just over a year ago I had a child placed with me and used to regularly attend medical appointments alone with parents. The child was placed with a relative and it was only then that the relative told me parents had a very long history of extreme violence. When I queried it with SS they confirmed they knew all about it but hadn't told me because parents hadnt been violent to the child (child had never been in their care to be violent with!)

I understand that sometimes SS don't give you enough information because they don't know it, but I think quite often they DO know and don't tell you because of misguided efforts to protect parents rights. Interestingly, adoptive parents always appear to be given a full history... I've often been told things about a child ive cared for for over 12 months by their new adoptive parents.

[NanaNina]

Good practice means that foster carers should be given as much information as the social worker has, and I am appalled to hear of Fosterangel's account - disgraceful. It is true as others have said that it is not always known that a child has been sexually abused until something happens that alerts the carer to the fact that this could be an issue. Sometimes a sexually abused child will show sexualised behaviour e.g. going up to men in the street and being over friendly with men in general. Wierd I know but that's what happens.

I know of a case where a 3 year old became hysterical when seeing the foster carer change the 2 year old's nappy, and this went on for some time, so the assumption was that the child had seen the younger child be sexually abused and maybe herself too. The carer eventually re-assured the child that it was all ok and got the 3 year old to hold the wipes and the cream etc and she settled down.

As for not telling a carer about HIV status is just plain crazy. I hope you complained about this Fosterangel.

Sometimes social workers are so busy that they forget to give the carer the basc information on placing the child, and I think all carers should insist that they get the basic info, and then at the Placement Meeting they should know as much about the case as the social worker. This is why carers have to understand that all information given to them should remain strictly confidential.