Are we too young/too inexperienced/too naive?

[bamps33]

My husband and I have recently started thinking about becoming foster carers. I'm 26 and he's 27 and neither of us have had any kids, in fact our only experience of parenting has been babysitting the children of friends and families, which is obviously nothing like actually parenting! So that's my first worry...
My second worry is that we would like to start our own family before too long, and that opens up a whole load of other questions for me -
How would a foster child feel about the arrival of a bio child?
Would we even be allowed a foster child in these circumstances, as I've heard LAs like the foster child to be the youngest in the family?
Would we be able to cope with our first newborn as well as a foster child? (My head says yes - after all many parents are coping with babies, toddlers, teens, etc all at once...)
I feel like we might be being very naive, but also feel that foster carers are needed and since we have the basic resources (time, family support, financial, and most importantly desire) to look after a child maybe it's not such a crazy idea?

[scarlet5tyger]

Hi Bamps33. I had no real experience of parenting before I became a foster carer and although it was questioned throughout my assessment it didn't stop me being approved. I did have experience of working with young children through volunteer centres though, something you might want to look into??

I think that starting a family of your own will be seen as a much bigger problem. Yes many parents cope with newborns as well as older children, but they probably don't have the huge emotional needs that a foster child has, not to mention the seemingly endless meetings/appointments/contacts you will be required to take a foster child to. I do know foster carers who've had children of their own whilst already fostering but it was very much frowned upon and they've been fostering for years.

There will always be a need for foster carers (although my local support group advises that for the first time that anyone can remember there are actually a surplus of carers in my area at the moment as a result of the huge media campaign) so maybe you would be best to establish your own family first and think of fostering a few years down the line?

[tentative123]

I'd suggest giving your LA a call and having a chat with someone about it, and possibly another nearby LA too to get a few different opinions. Many are desperate for foster carers -I'm planning a further campaign as part of my work - so it would be wise to find out how it is in your area, and get a feel for what your LAs considerations are...

good luck, how exciting!!!

[maypole1]

Yes to be honest its very frowned upon and you very much need to be a established carer for that to be tolerated really

[bamps33]

Thanks for the advice everyone - I'll have a chat to the LA but realistically I think we probably should wait until our family is established - it's not really fair on the foster kids or our own kids otherwise (and it's true I hadn't factored in the enormous number of meetings, appointments, contacts, etc)

In the meanwhile I've found out our city has a befriending scheme for vulnerable kids so that's definitely something I can and will do for now!

[NanaNina]

Agree bamps33 - think you should definitely wait to see if your own family "comes along" as it were. You might think entirely differently then. Good luck with the befriending scheme.

[scarlet5tyger]

Glad to read you've not given up on the idea totally!

The befriending scheme sounds a great idea. I'd heard about a male role model scheme for troubled boys which I always thought was great - I'm a single, female carer and whilst it's mostly a plus for the children I take I do worry when I have a boy in place that there's no positive male for them to bond with (they spend plenty of time with male friends and family but I always think boys in particular need someone they can see as "theirs"). There's nothing like this in my area though.

Good luck with your future plans.