How to cope with screaming

[scarlet5tyger]

I have a new placement who has behavioural problems, the worst of which is constant screaming. The minute he doesn't get his own way he screams until he gets what he wants - I've been ignoring it (which can lead to him screaming for ages) but as I also have a 6 month old living with me who's getting upset by it I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing.

LO is 18 months old and has obviously used this tactic successfully at home and I know it'll take a while to change things but I'm not sure how long I can last! At times this week I've had to leave the room as the screaming has made me physically shake.

I have managed to improve some of his bad behaviour but am also wary of pushing too far too fast.

Any advice???

[maypole1]

We had the same lo would scream swear and throw things, i placed lo in the hall way amd simply said when your finshed you can come back in, now we raley have tanturms now 5minutes if that



Ignore the bad behaviour and praise the good.

This will cut down the more your consistant the less time lo will scream


Please hang in their

[NanaNina]

I think you need to discuss this child's behaviour and the effect it is having on you. I don't really agree that this 18mth old has used this tactic "successfully" at home. I think it far more likely that he has not received any kind of nurturing parenting and has not beenhelped to regulate his emotions. You must know something of his background - if you don't you must get the sw to give you all the info that they hold.

I can well imagine how trying this is for you but I honestly don't think ignoring him is the answer. I think his screaming is the way his pre placement experience is manifesting itself, and he probably needs to be soothed rather than ignored. I would however question the wisdom of placing a disturbed 18 mth old when you already have a 6 month old. It seems to me that this disturbed child needs to be the youngest child in the family.

You say you have managed to improve some of his bad behaviour. How have you done this and can you build on that. Does your LA have a clinical psychologist who could help you to care for this child. Many (or all really) LAC will have behaviour problems because of being abused/neglected in their young lives, and this behavious manifests itself in different ways. Some children will "go into themselves" and cuts himself off as he has learned not to trust adults, and others act out in other ways, i.e. screaming. It isn't "bad" behaviour - it has been brought about by his birth parents and it is a very very difficult task for foster carers to cope with this on a day to day basis. Please don't think I am not sympathetic to your predicament. I am a retired sw anf tm mgr for a fostering & adoption team for 25 years (now retired) and I have championed the rights of foster carers throughout my working life.

If it is too much for you to cope with I think you should tell the social worker.

[NanaNina]

sorry I meant to say "I think you should discuss this child's behaviour and the effect it is having on you with the child's social worker and your link worker.

Also I think many soc workers (especially the young inexperienced ones) seem to think that foster carers are Mr and Mrs Perfect and should beable to cope with anything. I was forever having to explain to these young sws that foster carers are like us all, they have their own trials and tribulations to deal with as well as fostered children.

[mumsiepie]

It is really difficult for you at the moment. He does sound as though he should be in a placement where someone could give him undivided attention and that is impossible for you with a baby. No wonder you feel you need to leave the room!

I agree with all NanNina has said and think ignoring the screaming is probably resulting in him feeling ignored and frightened. You can tackle his behaviour later down the line if he stays with you, right now he needs such a lot of support and love.

Good luck xx

[scarlet5tyger]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I found a bit more out about him today which always makes things easier to cope with.

He was placed with me as I was literally the ONLY bed available in my LA - I don't usually take 2 children at once. I know I should be able to resist the pleadings of a SW desperate to get a place and let them spend money on an agency but that's easier said than done when there is a child in need.

Also, I AM the placement where children are placed who need a calm environment with full attention. Unfortunately things went wrong this time as the child I already had should have moved on but (for a change) a vital piece of paperwork was not completed on time and all the plans put in place for his move have had to be put back.

Sometimes I think it should be me doing the screaming!

ps - we've all had a lovely day today and LO couldn't stop smiling at all the praise he was showered with. I took a picture of his huge grin to look at next time I'm frustrated!!!

[daisydoofer]

Hi Scarlett.

I do sympathise with your position. It would be helpful to know the childs history when the child is placed so that we have an idea how to best help them.

The child i have in placement (there is a thread running) is 6 years old but very babylike. (But very clued up in things 6 year olds should know nothing about if you see what i mean?) She will also scream to gain attention. In fact she will do absolutely anything to gain attention. I have found that allowing her to regress to a point in her development that she seems to be stuck at. In my LO's case it is around 18 months.

I have bought her toys suitable for a child 12-18 months. I have given her a beaker with a spout, as opposed to a cup. We play peek a boo and pat a cake. She now knows most nursery rhymes, which she had not heard of before she came to live here. I have dug out Postman Pat and Teletubby dvd's etc You get the picture....

What I would not advise you to do is ignore your LO - EVER. If he is screaming it is for a reason. Very hard to deal with and you have my utmost sympathy.

I am so glad you have had a calmer day today. Maybe ours will come tomorrow? I live in hope

[scarlet5tyger]

Hi Daisy, I read your post with interest but didn't want to butt in with my own problems. Without wanting to make you feel worse your situation makes mine seem much easier - at least I know the end is (somewhere) in sight for at least one of my placements before too long.

We were back to a bad day today but just knowing good days DO exist made it somewhat easier.