Why does MIL insit on filling my kids up with shite when she knows my views on it?

[sandyballs]

MIL collects my DDs from school 3 days a week whilst I work, for which I am very grateful. However, we don't always see eye to eye (some of you may remember the holiday thread ) and food is a big area where we definitely don't see eye to eye.

She brings them back to my house and I always try to ensure there is a reasonably healthy meal that she can rustle up for them, but invariably I come home to empty crisp packets, empty biscuit packets etc and MIL saying "They didn't want their dinner dear, they are naughty". "Well why the f**k do you think that is, eh?, any ideas??"
I don't say that obviously, but very very tempting some days

So, I decide to clear the house of any junk, hide it all away, leaving just dinner, yoghurts and fruit. My DDs are allowed these things but I limit it and it has to be after a decent meal.
Yesterday I arrived home to find they had devoured an entire packet of biscuits that MIL had brought from home . "They didn't eat too well my dear, they really don't eat fruit like they used to". OBVIOUSLY NOT WHEN THERE IS A BLOODY PACKET OF BISCUITS THERE, YOU SILLY SILLY OLD MARE. Sorry, deep breaths, deep breaths.

She's not a stupid woman, so why oh why doesn't she "get" this. I know she thinks I'm really odd to not have endless cakes and biscuits at the kids' disposal. DH is about as much use as a chocolate teapot - he thinks I'm too anal about the girls' diet and I should just let it go on the 3 days when his mum picks them up, but that is almost half the week when she is feeding them shite, and it angers me that she just ignores my wishes. They're 5 years old and when faced with no choice except fruit they eat tons of it after dinner. I don't want them eating cakes and biscuits instead .

[multitasker]

I would be seriously annoyed - you may have to take the bull by the horns and tell her that junk food is just not allowed. Once a week you could possibly live with but three times? no way.

[sandyballs]

You're right, I'm being too nice about it because I feel she is helping us out enormously by collecting the girls and I don't want to rock the boat. But I feel strongly about this and will tackle it tonight, thanks.

[oliveoil]

I would say that they can have one biscuit when they get in from school and then AFTER THEY HAVE EATEN THEIR DINNER, they can maybe have one more.

I am fairly strict on crap but my MIL has my two when I work, and like you say, it is a huge favour so if I were you, I would bite your tongue a bit more and compromise.

For just 3 days it would not hurt them to have the odd biscuit, after their dinner of course.

[southeastastralplain]

i have this with my mil too, she buys my ds(5) a whole box of maltesers, a whole box! i have told her to stop which she did for a bit, but last week they appeared again. it makes you mad doesn't it

[bctmum]

How about the doc says no junk food - she may follow this concept.

[ssd]

sandyballs if it upsets you so much why don't you get a childminder to get the girls 3 times a week and visit the MIL once a week when she can't do so much damage?

[BATtymumma]

because she is a minge bag

[lulunaticmama]

can you prepare dinner the night before and a healthy snack to take to school - I know it is more work for you and missing the point - but if you address this , she might stop looking after the kids ?

if it was once a week, ok, but as you say, it'\s nearly half the week - if DH won't back you up, a 'medical' excuse, as suggested , might work...

[dreamcatcher]

Try saying that while you know she loves to treat them you think three times a week is too much.

Suggest that they have one night when she can feed them crap, er, sorry treat them to biscuits etc, but the others they have to stick to healthier stuff.

She may have got to the point where they expect her to give them cakes, and doesn't want to upset them. Suggest a diiferent form of treat, like a colouring book, trip to the park etc.

hth

[IvortheEngine]

Some family members have very different views on things. Take last Christmas. We were just dishing up the Christmas dinner when my ds and dd (along with the other children) were given a goodie bag of choccy things to open and eat there and then! The great grandmother said to me "Are they allowed chocolate now?" and I turned and said "It seems so." Surprise, surprise, they didn't want their dinner much. I don't understand it, but the other children are given cr*p to eat day in, day out IMO. This is their mother giving it to them. High sugar rubbish and naff all by way of goodness. It's sad, but how can you teach someone to go against the way they themselves were brought up when they don't see it as wrong?

[Bozza]

My Grandad does this - the kitkats appearing 10 minutes before tea but we only see him once a fortnight or so and he is 94 so I feel I have to allow for him but have been known to intercept them. Would not be happy with it 3x a week.

[miggy]

Similar situation but my parents so cant even blame DH! They pick up mine from school 3 days a week and always take food to eat in the car (10min journey fgs!), crisps/sweets etc it drives me bonkers but again cant complain too much as would rather have them picking kids up than anyone else.
One thing that worked was I put kids on a very strict no additive/organic only diet with a list of what they could eat (cant be wishy washy with my mum, she will provide lower fat full of synthetic chemical crisps as a "healthy" alternative!) But that has faded a bit now.
Now kids are older (youngest is 7) they actually say no thanks most days.
DD left them a note this week "Dear Grandad, when you pick me up from ballet please bring a bananna and a drink of water" I wouldnt dare to do that
Similar with food for tea, Ill leave stuff for them and come in and find they had something different " because thats what they asked for" Gr!
What really annoys me Is I used to get 10p for sweets once a week