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Help, DH tied a ligature, don't know if I can cope

(93 Posts)
Messandmayhem Tue 07-May-13 12:30:27

we had an argument this morning because he shouts at the DC all the time and I told him DS in particular is scared of him and it's not right. It ended up him throwing a diary at me, here he's been writing about wishing he was dead, drawing gravestones and people hanging, then becoming silent and refusing to talk to me or look at me. After a couple of hours of begging him to speak and to see a gp I told him I couldn't stay, that if he doesn't want help I can't stay with the kids and went downstairs to put DD for a nap in her buggy. I text him saying I love him but i can't stay unless he wants to get better. He text me back saying to tell the kids he loves them. I text him back saying "so you want me to go?" and he didn't answer. I was worried so I went up and he was lay on the bed eyes closed, I spoke to him and he ignored me. I don't know what made me do it but I pulled at the neck of his t shirt and he had tied his phone charger cable around his neck. I don't know how I called 999 whole trying to loosen it but I did, and I got the ligature off while talking to the operator. DH told me to tell them he didnt need an ambulance so I explained it was fine and promised to call back immediately should anything else happen. DH says he didnt want it to actually kill him and he will get a GP appointment. I don't know what to do. I love him. I'm scared. I just want the man I met back. I am afraid I will wake to find him dead. And I'm afraid that if I leave he will kill himself and I will be responsible because I left when I knew he felt like this.

I just want to wake up and this all be a nightmare.

How frightening for you. He needs to see a Dr right away. Ring the GP right now and insist on an emergency appt, preferably a visit. TELL them he has attempted to take his life. Don't take no for an answer.

Is he known to MH services? a crisis team you can call?

On one hand, this is very serious, he has done something that could have killed him. OTOH he did it while you were in the house - he wanted you to know, wanted to be found - it may be a cry for help.

Either way, he needs help ASAP. Know that whatever he does, is down to him, you are not responsible for his actions ever .

Lweji Tue 07-May-13 12:39:14

Yes, call the gp.

TBH, I'm also worried for you and your DC. sad

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Tue 07-May-13 12:39:39

How awful for you! It is never your fault if he does decide to do it, however as someone else has stated, it seems like a cry for help.

He showed you his diary and sent you a very obvious text. I hate to say this, but if he had wanted to do it, he would be dead.

He definitely needs help, do you think he would call the samaritans?

Doctors as soon as possible as well, if that fails, hospital.

My mum killed herself by the way. It was extremely shit. But none of us could have stopped her, only her. It is next to impossible not to blame yourself I know. I know . But he needs urgent help, that bit you can help with.

badinage Tue 07-May-13 12:42:07

You are not responsible for someone else's mental health. You are responsible for your own and that of your children.

Get your children and you to a place of safety away from this man and contact his relatives and suggest they take over from this point.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Tue 07-May-13 12:43:38

Call your GP and also next time he threatens suicide, call the police.

He must get help. Get RL help. Could his parents join forces with you and ensure he gets to that GP appointment, etc?

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Tue 07-May-13 12:50:11

It is awful, but you are not responsible for him. Do make yourself and your children safe.

Talk to as many people as possible. GP, Samaritans, his family. Do not try to do it alone. You cannot. You are not a mentor health specialist, and even if you we're, you are too much embroiled in this drama to me of help.

Chubfuddler Tue 07-May-13 12:53:52

I have limited sympathy for him. It seems he is attempting to use threats of self harm or suicide to control you.

You are not responsible for him. Phone the GP and go yourself if he won't go. If you need to leave him, leave. If he threatens suicide, phone the police.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 07-May-13 13:06:29

Agree with badinage. You are not responsible for his mental health and this extreme form of emotional blackmail is completely intolerable and unacceptable. Please get yourself and your DCs safe from this man. If you leave and he actually kills himself it will not be your fault

Messandmayhem Tue 07-May-13 13:11:43

Can I go to the GP without him? Can I get help for him if he won't go? I don't think he's doing it to control me... But I suppose it's working is he is. It feels so surreal. He is sat cuddling the kids with a cartoon on, its sunny, birds are singing, and I feel like my heart is torn out.
He wouldn't hurt us. But I don't want to stay, and I don't want to leave. Will social services be informed if he tells the GP he tried to kill himself?

Thank you for answering me. I'm so scared and confused. I just need some hands to hold. I keep crying. He seems flat and quiet.

Messandmayhem Tue 07-May-13 13:12:49

But he has hurt me. This fucking hurts.

badinage Tue 07-May-13 13:14:50

Yes you can speak to the GP with your concerns, but you need to make sure the children are safe from someone who's unstable and unpredictable and they are your main concern. Imagine if one of them had found him with a ligature round his neck.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 07-May-13 13:16:21

You can ask your GP to pay a house-call and do what they call a mental health assessment. However, don't be surprised if they decide he is perfectly well mentally and is simply being highly and viciously manipulative.

NotTreadingGrapes Tue 07-May-13 13:18:03

I agree with Chubfuddler.

As usual. smile

Do not allow yourself to be manipulated by this man, and make sure you and the children are safe.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Tue 07-May-13 13:18:08

Is he manipulative in other ways?

Get him sectioned, the manipulative drama queen.

LEMisdisappointed Tue 07-May-13 13:26:56

He needs help sad Poor guy - he really sounds like he is in serious trouble. I think you need to talk to his GP Urgently, as in today - i wish that you didn't cancel the ambulance as they may well have sectioned him. He needs and URGENT psychiatric assesment.

FWIW i don't think it was a serious suicide attempt, i think it was a cry for help.

Whilst the others have said you are not responsible for him MH, and you need to protect yourself and your DC (i really think you do, they may not be in danger - i couldnt possibly say, but this is really bad for them as it is!) You say you love your DH and if this were my DP i would be seeking for help, for both him and myself.

Yes he is being manipulative and a bit of a drama llama but as someone who suffers with MH this is often simply the only way to express it.

Don't ignore this, this is not going to go away, it might settle - i find that i am very calm after some sort of mental meltdown and things do seem to improve but it will happen again and many people accidentally kill themselves when their cries for help go wrong sad

It is also important that you get some support for yourself, caring for someone with MH issues is as tough as it gets. My DP is shattered by it all

peskyginge Tue 07-May-13 13:27:35

He is clearly mentally unstable from your post he can't control his behaviour regarding the kids or he wouldn't be shouting at them all the time, can you really trust him alone with the kids?? I would go to your gp asap but also leave him and take the kids with you until he sorts himself out, he will only continue to get worse and you need to prioritise your dc's and yourself. Stay strong this is not your fault!!

LEMisdisappointed Tue 07-May-13 13:27:41

I wonder if you should get this moved to "mental health" as you will get a more measured response.

Callisto Tue 07-May-13 13:28:09

What selfish twat. A 'suicide attempt' while you and your children are in the house with him? I would be packing his cases and telling him to take his hysteria and childishness elsewhere.

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Chubfuddler Tue 07-May-13 13:46:36

I've never understood the advice to move a post from one section to another to apparently get a better sort of response. With the exception of SN all topics are on active convos and that's where most people navigate the site from. My response would be exactly the same whatever the topic.

TheSilveryPussycat Tue 07-May-13 13:50:45

I'm seconding LEM here. Ring the GP and ask for him to be assessed, if he won't go himself. Also wishing you hadn't cancelled the ambulance - if he was that bad then you really should not be letting him make those sort of decisions.

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