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I am depressed without a clue how to cope.

(119 Posts)
MelodyBaker Fri 08-Feb-13 19:03:14

This might be long.
I was diagnosed with depression last august. I take 40mg citolapram a day. Seemed to be getting better. Was much happier than before.

My best friend died 6 months ago. She was fine. All happened overnight.
About Christmas time, I started to feel very depressed again. Was like this on and off.

Last night, it all became far far Too much. I feel like I can't cope. I'm angry at the world. I'm a single mum. She was my support network. If it wasn't for my dd and her children I would have given In and let this take over but thats not what I want, I want to be happy and not feel so depressed and fed up.

It all comes down to my best friends death. I was fine. She died and my world seemed to collapse around me.
I really have no idea why I'm writing this. I just need to get it all out .

Thank you for reading.

MelodyBaker Wed 13-Feb-13 21:45:03

Today was hard but peaceful. I feel calm having remembered the good times and celebrating her life in a good way. The worst thing was the meal - she had booked the table for 8 not 7. One empty seat that she should have been in.

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue Thu 14-Feb-13 08:36:06

Oh glad the birthday hasn't derailed you. Days like that are hard, but if you can get through you're doing great.

MelodyBaker Mon 18-Feb-13 15:36:17

I have a cruise appointment Thursday and Nhs counselling two weeks today. I cannot wait to get some of this stuff of my chest and out of my system smile

MelodyBaker Mon 18-Feb-13 15:37:46

I have been pushed ahead for Nhs counselling as I am severely depressed according to the letter

Nagoo Mon 18-Feb-13 16:10:42

That is good news about the counselling. how long must you wait?

MelodyBaker Mon 18-Feb-13 19:57:49

I have an appointment in two weeks for nhs. I'm really pleased that I'm getting help

That's good. Pleased they're not keeping you waiting too long

Nagoo Tue 19-Feb-13 12:41:20

So are we x You have been through a lot x

MelodyBaker Tue 19-Feb-13 19:13:15

<sniffs> blames her coldm
Really cannot wait to start. Is there anything I will br asked?

Dumper Thu 21-Feb-13 11:41:04

Well done!
I'm not sure what you'll be asked Mel, I've seen a few counsellors but it was a long time ago. They are all probably a bit different too.
I used to find that I'd think of things I wanted to discuss and then by the time the appointment came I'd forget or feel differently so I used to write down things when they popped into my head and take the notebook with me.
Sometimes on a good day it's hard to remember how bad you felt the day before, if you know what i mean?

MelodyBaker Thu 21-Feb-13 16:05:30

Seen cruise. Lovely fit man who listened and asked questions about how I feel, about my friend and some Ideas re coping. He will see me next Friday and will see If the strategies he's given me work. I have to take photos with me and we are going to work through memories and why I might be angry at the world.

MelodyBaker Sun 24-Feb-13 10:09:13

Have NHS counselling in the morning. Really dreading it.

Dumper Wed 27-Feb-13 06:56:10

How did it go Mel?

MelodyBaker Wed 27-Feb-13 21:12:02

Really well. Lots out in the open. According to him, the ads aren't working(!) But to keep trying.

Dumper Thu 28-Feb-13 06:57:02

How long have you been on them? Is it citalopram?

MelodyBaker Thu 28-Feb-13 21:36:44

Since august dumps 40mg citalopram a day. Very high dose.

ILoveBagels Thu 28-Feb-13 23:38:45

how did the therapy leave you feeling?

If your citalopram isn't doing anything at that dose, you really need to have your medication reviewed

Dumper Fri 01-Mar-13 20:36:22

I agree with wed I've been on citalopram for a long time, they help me but I couldn't handle 40mg! I'm on 30.
And if they're gonna help you they should be doing their stuff by now!

I'm on 40, and if you can't see improvement on a dose like that, something's wrong.

There's no point you taking that level of AD if your counsellor says they're not working.

Have you noticed any difference?

MelodyBaker Sat 02-Mar-13 07:22:20

I have seen a difference since taking them. I don't know why he thinks they don't help because they do.
Counselling helping - its good to talk and get all my feelings that I can't talk about to anyone else out in the open. I'm improving. Slowly but surely. Long way too go but I'm doing it

If you've noticed the difference that's good. I'm concerned your counsellor says no difference though - but getting help and being able to talk about it will be the better thing long term. I'm pleased your counseling is helping you x

MelodyBaker Sun 03-Mar-13 11:16:10

I was very open on Monday. Answered everything in detail. Told him how I felt and he seemed to jump to that. Because at 1 point I wanted to end it all he thought they weren't working.

MelodyBaker Sun 03-Mar-13 11:16:57

He was young (22) and didn't have a great grasp of severe depression.

That is quite young for a counsellor, but he must know what he's doing or they wouldn't employ him I guess.

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