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I am depressed without a clue how to cope.

(119 Posts)
MelodyBaker Fri 08-Feb-13 19:03:14

This might be long.
I was diagnosed with depression last august. I take 40mg citolapram a day. Seemed to be getting better. Was much happier than before.

My best friend died 6 months ago. She was fine. All happened overnight.
About Christmas time, I started to feel very depressed again. Was like this on and off.

Last night, it all became far far Too much. I feel like I can't cope. I'm angry at the world. I'm a single mum. She was my support network. If it wasn't for my dd and her children I would have given In and let this take over but thats not what I want, I want to be happy and not feel so depressed and fed up.

It all comes down to my best friends death. I was fine. She died and my world seemed to collapse around me.
I really have no idea why I'm writing this. I just need to get it all out .

Thank you for reading.

MelodyBaker Fri 08-Feb-13 22:09:48

I will book an urgent appointment for Monday and insist on cbt and ask about crusie.

I hate this. This feeling of uselessness and feeling like I'm not good enough for anyone. It's horrid.

It is awful Mel, but it will pass. You have to hold on to that.

MelodyBaker Fri 08-Feb-13 22:24:10

The Mn phrase "^this too shall pass"^ my beacon of hope.
Thank you all for your words If advice tonight. I was In a very bad place last night x

It is true, even if it doesn't always feel like it. You will be ok. Pm me any time if I can help x

MelodyBaker Fri 08-Feb-13 22:39:52

I'm going to bed now but I will pm all the people who have offered should I need to.

I didn't want to start this thread as I thought doing so would make me admit it and I think thats something else. I don't want to be depressed. But starting it has made it easier to see its nothing to be ashamed off. Help Is there - just look for it.
Thank you x

MelodyBaker Sat 09-Feb-13 07:50:27

Very positive this morning. Going to take the goddc and dd out tonight nd try to sort out this wreck that is my "life"

I think, just knowing that something can be done makes it seem easier.to handle. Yesterday, I thought I would be depressed.forever and never feel happy for what I have.

Nagoo Sat 09-Feb-13 07:55:46

Fantastic to see you getting so much good advice and support mel <squidge>

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue Sat 09-Feb-13 08:00:33

I'm glad you feel more positive. You can come through this. It may be hard at times, it may be slower than you'd wish, but you can come through.

Have a good day.

MelodyBaker Sat 09-Feb-13 08:59:24

Baby steps is the way forwards. Don't try to hard or I will probably wind up like yesterday. Stuck, alone and without a clue.

frustratedworkingmum Sat 09-Feb-13 09:25:56

Wise words Melody, i was going to say just that - one step at a time and don't worry if you take a few backward ones. The fact that you can see your depression for what it is, something that can be treated and nothing to be ashamed off will mean that you are able to take mostly forward steps from now on. Enjoy your weekend, just don't fret if it isn't "perfect". I think society puts alot of pressure on us to have "perfect" lives. Once i stopped striving for that, i started to feel better.

PearlyWhites Sat 09-Feb-13 10:50:27

That's brilliant that you feel able to start counselling, if there is a long wait there may be charitable organisations near you where you make a small donation and there is no waiting list. I live in Liverpool don't know if you drive but I just paid £5 per session. I can forward you the details if you like.

MelodyBaker Sat 09-Feb-13 17:02:06

I don't drive. No car.
I always thought depression was something to be afraid of but I know its not. It's opended my eyes

MelodyBaker Sat 09-Feb-13 21:13:33

Been out with dd and goddc to pictures and mcdonalds (there faces!). So much happier than I was 48 hours ago. Now I know something can be done and this can end

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue Sun 10-Feb-13 07:03:26

Glad you had a good time. Yes, it can end and there is much that can be done. It can be a long road to feeling fully strong again but hope is what keeps you afloat. Depression is like the absence of hope. If you have a little hope you're in a better place. Go and see your GP & keep going. You sound like a lovely kind mum & god mum.

MelodyBaker Mon 11-Feb-13 07:46:50

In 15 minutes, I will phone the doctors and ask for a appointment. I hope they thinki qualify for counselling. God.knows.I need.it

MelodyBaker Mon 11-Feb-13 08:09:16

I have a doctors appointment at 10.30. Fingers crossed

Fingers crossed. I hope it goes well

Nagoo Mon 11-Feb-13 15:46:44

How was it mel?

MelodyBaker Mon 11-Feb-13 18:02:48

I'm on the list for counselling and cruise. Should hear from cruise next week. Nhs counselling waiting list - about 8 weeks

That's great news. Hope you feel better now it's over. Next step is to treat yourself for being brave as dealing with it all!

MelodyBaker Mon 11-Feb-13 19:27:26

Me and dd are going to cinema tomorrow and to pizza express. My treat!!

MelodyBaker Tue 12-Feb-13 22:58:10

I feel the same tonight. Down, feeling shit. My best friend birthdays tomorrow and she's dead.
I really cannot do tomorrow, if she's dead - why am I alive? I'm the person who has done things wrong. Not her.
I believe in god but why? He's not here for me now. Not answering my prayers. If there is a god do help.me.

Dumper Russia Wed 13-Feb-13 05:14:58

Hey Mel, hang in there, you're doing so well getting the ball rolling for counselling.
Today is gonna be hard, but I'm sure your friend would want you to celebrate her birthday and remember all the good times you had together.
You are alive and have and have a beautiful dd and godchildren to take care of. Don't let the depression make you forget that x

frustratedashell Wed 13-Feb-13 06:03:57

Hello Mel just read through the thread. I suffer from depression, it can be hard at times. Im so sorry your lost your best friend. Today will be a tough day but you will get through it. Maybe light a candle for your friend and send her happy birthday thoughts. You had really started to improve, this is just a blip. You have been doing so well. Im sure its helped that youve taken positive steps towards getting help for yourself. Dont be too hard on yourself, youve had a lot to cope with. Youre only human. Take care.

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue Wed 13-Feb-13 14:31:14

Hello Mel, hope you are managing to cope today on your friend's birthday. Must be a very hard day. Try to just take it a little at a time and maybe call e Samaritans if you want totals abou your grief or sadness or depression or anger at what happened.

I don't know why things happen how they do but I know your feelings sound very normal and human and natural in the circumstances.

Sending you kind thoughts.

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